Piddle Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Guys, say you have a reasonably attractive female friend you have a strong friendship with. The banter is great, spiky and totally charged, you guys always have fun, you really like her company and actively seek it out. You're single and have been for years, she's single. What would you do if she asks you out to dinner and straight up asks you if you have ever thought of the two of you getting it together? Even if you had never thought of it before, would you consider it because hey you're a guy and which guy doesn't want to get laid especially if they haven't got laid for years?
carhill Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 If we've both been single and were platonic friends, nope. The sex ship sailed years ago. If she had been unavailable and the initial interaction or attraction transitioned to platonic, maybe. I'd probably still have a timing issue, something I noted recently with someone I met when she was married and we've had regular contact over the years and she later got divorced. I wouldn't consider us close friends, like a best friend, but I'd bring food for her cats and talk about the kids and her dad and reverse. I remember one time when I was doing some construction in the heat I must've looked like I was going to pass out and the look in her eyes when she noticed that and jumped up to get me some water was one I daresay I hadn't seen in my exW when we were married. I notice stuff like that. I found, even though there was an initial attraction, something in myself got switched off and, while, whoa, hello Plenty O'Toole, I wouldn't be breathless if she asked me out not that such would ever happen as there's a constant orbit of men around her. Clear as mud? Don't worry, most guys aren't like that. Men, in general, are simple creatures.
Shining One Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Guys, say you have a reasonably attractive female friend you have a strong friendship with. The banter is great, spiky and totally charged, you guys always have fun, you really like her company and actively seek it out. You're single and have been for years, she's single. What would you do if she asks you out to dinner and straight up asks you if you have ever thought of the two of you getting it together? Even if you had never thought of it before, would you consider it because hey you're a guy and which guy doesn't want to get laid especially if they haven't got laid for years?I have had this happen. Three of my female friends have given me such an opportunity. Only one friendship was what I would consider "strong" though. My answer would depend on how much I valued the friendship. I lost a very good friend of over six years by accepting her offer. If I happened to be okay with losing the friendship, then I would say yes.
road Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Guys, say you have a reasonably attractive female friend you have a strong friendship with. The banter is great, spiky and totally charged, you guys always have fun, you really like her company and actively seek it out. You're single and have been for years, she's single. What would you do if she asks you out to dinner and straight up asks you if you have ever thought of the two of you getting it together? Even if you had never thought of it before, would you consider it because hey you're a guy and which guy doesn't want to get laid especially if they haven't got laid for years? I never wanted a FWB. I wanted a girlfriend that had bring home to meet your mom marriage potential. Now to me either a woman is attractive or she is not. There is no such thing as reasonably attractive. Does a woman have a to have a certain weight, height, rack size, butt, legs up to here, face, hair, to be attractive? No. It is the sum of all of her parts and such as how she dresses, conducts herself, personality, smile. When I was a single man I wanted to get laid. Though I would pass if I could not find her attractive no matter how long my dry spell was. Though I will say if there is someone you fancy then go for it. Nothing ventured nothing gain.
SwordofFlame Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 I would most certainly consider it only if I found her to be physically attractive.
notoriginal Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 So even after a great emotional connection and a woman who takes care of herself the only thing that matters is still the physical part? Wow
Toodaloo Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 So even after a great emotional connection and a woman who takes care of herself the only thing that matters is still the physical part? Wow That is not what any of the men have said. They have said if they value the friendship - no because they do not want to potentially suffer the loss of that friend. They have said if they do not value the friendship then yes - because the emotional connection isn't actually as great as she thinks it is and its not going to matter if it goes tits up. They have also stated that it is NOT about looks. It is about demeanor. Can he take her home to mother and still be proud of her. Piddle do not do it. By the sounds of things you are the "good time" girl. Not the girl that meets mothers...
central Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 I'd probably have already considered if she could be right for a romantic relationship, and if so, I'd have tried for one. So, if I haven't, then the only other reason I might not have tried, is if I don't want to risk the friendship. If she takes the initiative at this point, I'd either be all in (IF the only reason I hadn't was not risking the friendship), otherwise there are two possibilities remaining: a) I'd decline because I actually only want a friend and don't want to risk that b) I'd accept with conditions that this only be FWB because I don't see us as a lasting romantic relationship, and ask her to withdraw the suggestion if she wants more than FWB
normal person Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 This happened to me, more or less. I went with it. Soon after, her ex boyfriend proposed to her out of the blue and now they're married, living far away, and we don't talk. Heartbreaking. It felt like the obviously right thing to do at the time but of course there are things you can't control. If you're really interested in a relationship, it could be great. But why haven't you ever thought of her like that? Even when I was just friendly with the girl mentioned above there always a ton of sexual tension. If you're not attracted to her like that, don't force it. If you just want to have sex, I would advise against it. It could mess up your friendship pretty badly (although it might not). That being said I have another friend that I fool around with sometimes but I make it a point not to sleep with her because that'd make things too weird, I think.
Cablebandit Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Unless he is very shy, I think he would have pursued sex already BUT I also think you should go forward and ask to move things forward. Nobody knows his response but him and it might just surprise everyone here. Do it!!!!
preraph Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 The likelihood of her "just wanting to get laid" is slim to none in this scenario, so if you care anything about her or about losing the friendship, be honest and say she's just a friend and let her move on because she like-likes you or she wouldn't be doing this. Don't hurt her any more than you have to by telling her you don't think of her that way.
JustGettingBy Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 I'd go for it, but would still be asking questions such as 'why did you wait until now?'. If her answers seem genuine, I see no harm in pursuing.
bu2002 Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Guys, say you have a reasonably attractive female friend you have a strong friendship with. The banter is great, spiky and totally charged, you guys always have fun, you really like her company and actively seek it out. You're single and have been for years, she's single. What would you do if she asks you out to dinner and straight up asks you if you have ever thought of the two of you getting it together? Even if you had never thought of it before, would you consider it because hey you're a guy and which guy doesn't want to get laid especially if they haven't got laid for years? He fits into one of three buckets A) He would have sex with you and possibly open to a FWB arrangement, but doesn't view you as a long term partner B) He's thinking the same thing as you, but fears your rejection and ruining what friendship y'all do have. C) He wouldn't be interested in anything physical at all on any level. For me personally, it's usually A. I dealt with B before and decided and it was tough to handle and I needed to reconcile these differences sooner than later. So I avoid getting in that situation. Your friend is either A or B IMO.
hasaquestion Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 The likelihood of her "just wanting to get laid" is slim to none in this scenario, so if you care anything about her or about losing the friendship, be honest and say she's just a friend and let her move on because she like-likes you or she wouldn't be doing this. Don't hurt her any more than you have to by telling her you don't think of her that way. This. Its an oversimplification, but in general... *Women have men they'd date but don't REALLY want to f**k *Men have women they'd f**k but don't REALLY want to date If she's attracted enough to want to have sex with you and there isn't an extenuating circumstance that makes her think you are undateable (i.e. dumb as rocks or a d*ckhead or impossible to take seriously), then she's probably not going to be able to do this arrangement, even if she says she can. That's my opinion.
Wewon Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Guys, say you have a reasonably attractive female friend you have a strong friendship with. The banter is great, spiky and totally charged, you guys always have fun, you really like her company and actively seek it out. You're single and have been for years, she's single. What would you do if she asks you out to dinner and straight up asks you if you have ever thought of the two of you getting it together? Even if you had never thought of it before, would you consider it because hey you're a guy and which guy doesn't want to get laid especially if they haven't got laid for years? To be totally honest, this has less to do with getting laid and more to do with the fact that this is EXACTLY what I would be looking for in a girlfriend. The fact that you have been platonic friends for years doesn't change anything. If anything, I've never understood the need to add so much complexity to things by creating a string of caveats and stipulations. To me, people that do that kind of deserve whatever they get.
Author Piddle Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 Sorry, I don't think I made this clear. So I'm the girl. The guy is a friend and I'm thinking of enacting the above scenario. So going out to dinner, like we often do, and asking him if he's ever thought about it. I know the best case scenario is that he has and he says yes, but I was kinda wondering what the likelihood would be of him saying no or him never having thought about it, or of him having thought about it and decided not to go there. I guess what's the percentage chance of a guy who's been single for like forever, to turn down an attractive woman. For sex or for a relationship, we'd take it one step at a time and see, but gotta get the ball rolling right? From what I know of my other guy friends it's possible they'd turn down a free ride when single(pun not intended!) but I think it's more likely they'd say 'sure why not try it? We might not get married and have babies but ... ' I know he values our friendship I'm of the opinion once a long term partner comes into the deal it's pretty much deal over for the type of friendship we have right now. Sure we'd stay in touch, but not in the same way. There's no way I'd be comfortable with any boyfriend of mine spending like an hour on the phone having this kinda banter with a girl.
Wewon Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 I know he values our friendship I'm of the opinion once a long term partner comes into the deal it's pretty much deal over for the type of friendship we have right now. Sure we'd stay in touch, but not in the same way. There's no way I'd be comfortable with any boyfriend of mine spending like an hour on the phone having this kinda banter with a girl. It sounds like you have more of an issue with this. Before you go a place that you don't think that you can recover from maybe you should re-evaluate why you would want to go down this path in the first place.
Author Piddle Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 It sounds like you have more of an issue with this. Before you go a place that you don't think that you can recover from maybe you should re-evaluate why you would want to go down this path in the first place. I want to go down the path because I'm beginning to realise that you gotta be realistic about what's out there and just what you said, what I'm looking for in a boyfriend in reasonably attractive, good conversation - aka friend. I think I should try it out with him, you never know. My point with the friends thing was, I don't think anybody should not try a romantic relationship for fear of destroying friendships. I think a friendship between two single people will change once partners come into the picture, once life happens. I just think that kind of friendship will not last for ever, so why not try and see if something better comes out of it.
carhill Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 Sure, if you feel it go for it. As far as friendships changing, sure, that's possible and I noticed it when I got married. My female best friend of many years and I did fine during all that time she had a boyfriend and I was mostly single but seemed to grow more distant after I started dating my exW and later marrying her. Sometimes that's how things work out. They don't have to. I was a bit miffed at the time but experience since has taught to take life more as it comes rather than planning everything out until the end. That includes people. They come and go.
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