ScentlessApprentice Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I've recently started dating this girl. We met a week ago and have met up three times since with varying degrees of success with the night. I left the first night thinking 'I'm glad I'm so comfortable single, it makes dating easier and more comfortable.' I don't get nervous about dating, I just get on with it. I'm confident with who I am as a person. But I get anxious, really painfully anxious, when not getting a reply to a text. It could just be a couple of hours but as soon as the wait begins I feel like my chest is being ripped apart. And then the reply comes and for a brief moment before I send the next text, the anxiety is gone. I'm sure it comes from a sense of uncertainty or lack of knowing. The thing is, it strips me of all my control of my situation. I can go from having no doubts to being completely insecure. I feel I've learnt to keep that to myself but I just feel weak and unable to cope. It's almost crippling, I just want to stare at my phone. Any thoughts?
katiegrl Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I'm convinced now.... text messaging has become the devil.
Author ScentlessApprentice Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 I swear it has been the cause of 90% of arguments I have ever had. I just don't know how to deal with the anxiety at the moment
katiegrl Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 (edited) I swear it has been the cause of 90% of arguments I have ever had. I just don't know how to deal with the anxiety at the moment You're not alone. You're new but wait till you've been around awhile. You'll notice a trend.... 99.9% of anxiety issues would be eliminated if text messaging were deleted from the equation. Re the anxiety.... do you run? That always helps me when I feel anxious about ANYTHING. I also do yoga. Any sort of exercise will help calm your nerves. It's mind over matter really. Try and remember, not everyone has the same style of texting that you do. Take me for example, I hate text messaging. I don't even have my phone handy 99% of the time, it's in my purse. I check it occasionally throughout the day. So I rarely, if ever, respond to a text immediately. Or even with the hour. OR, another suggestion would be to stop text messaging. Call instead. But if she's not there and you leave a message....then you're left feeling anxious until she calls back! Ugh. Perhaps you should simply try and explore why it is you get so anxious in the first place? What are you afraid of? That she will NEVER text you back? Why would you think that? Did you have a fight? Was your last date a disaster? If you had a good time on your last date....then there is NO reason why you should be feeling anxious (or insecure) about it. Try and think POSITIVE thoughts.... instead of allowing the "devil" to control you .... which is what it is. Negative thinking will get you no where in life (OR relationships) except down. Okay THAT was a ramble, sorry 'bout that. That's all I got though. Good luck! Edited January 23, 2016 by katiegrl
DrReplyInRhymes Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 Don't validate yourself from words on a screen, Text messaging does exactly that, even if it isn't what it seems, Having instant access to what you want without working toward it, Go outside, run around, get a hobby, or just workout to get fit.
Author ScentlessApprentice Posted January 23, 2016 Author Posted January 23, 2016 I had an account on here three years ago about some problems then. I think a lot the anxiety actually stems from those problems that I thought I was past to be honest. I don't run. I used to weight train but my back has gone pretty fragile, despite being 20. Oh the joys of youth! I write instead, that helps with the anxiety, but I can't always be locked away writing when I need to be living a life. It's definitely a matter of mind over matter. Irrational thinking is the main cause. I bit of self-CBT is needed I guess. See, I'm a regular texter, I fire off replies normally pretty quick with some people. The last date was a bit of a disaster so I was worried, but we spoke after (again, over text) and I think things were cleared up. Thank you for the ramble, I probably need another date with her to feel like me and her could be going okay. Hopefully the anxiety doesn't get the better of me beforehand
Recommended Posts