Depressed Girlfriend - Post Relationship

[DM0917]

Was with my gf for 4 months. For the first 2 months, there was no issues, we are strongly connected and very happy together. She then came down with serious depression (abusive parent in childhood, college not going well, disloyal friends etc) and we ended up breaking up 3 times (and me always coming back.) We broke up before Christmas and she begun seeing a therapist.

 

Since then, we've stayed in touch, the type of couple who'd be great friends if they weren't in love. She's switched therapists because she felt the previous therapist was 'cold' and not 'understanding.' She went out last night with her friends and spent most of the night in the toilets crying, hoping the night would end.

 

Her depression has destroyed our relationship, but I do not want to just leave her. She can't talk to her sisters/mother about this because they are ignorant and she feels they don't care/understand. I'm the only one she tells this deep stuff to.

 

Without getting dragged down myself, how can I offer support? Should I remain friends with her? I guess if we were friends for months and she slept/kissed another guy, I'd have to park jealousy in favour of being a good person right?

 

I care about her as a person ALOT.

 

Thank you.

[DarkHorizon]

You can really only think about friendship if you would be okay seeing her with another man.

 

Even though you want to help her, it seems like she needs professional help more than anything. Any other help you might be willing to offer (advice, emotional support, etc) might, in fact, be detrimental to a professional therapy process, so you need to be careful with that. It is hard to be in that position; you want to help the person you love, but at the same time you might play a major role in their emotional suffering.

 

Since the deal here is about the break up itself, and not the intricacies of her depression, you probably should look into the direct causes of her leaving you, and see if those causes can be fixed... but still, she made her decision and that has to be respected.

[DM0917]

You can really only think about friendship if you would be okay seeing her with another man.

 

Even though you want to help her, it seems like she needs professional help more than anything. Any other help you might be willing to offer (advice, emotional support, etc) might, in fact, be detrimental to a professional therapy process, so you need to be careful with that. It is hard to be in that position; you want to help the person you love, but at the same time you might play a major role in their emotional suffering.

 

Since the deal here is about the break up itself, and not the intricacies of her depression, you probably should look into the direct causes of her leaving you, and see if those causes can be fixed... but still, she made her decision and that has to be respected.

 

Such a hard question!