Snix0805 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 It has been 3 months post breakup. I lost control of my emotions after accidentally seeing his conversations with the girl on Skype and broke my 2 months NC to finally let go of what I have been feeling and blocked him. Deleted and blocked all mutual friends and family except for ones I'm really close with. I didn't expect him to reach out to our mutual friend, the friend who introduced us to each other. Basically he just told her that he admits he was a selfish snd that he got tired and didn't see a future anymore with me. He said it was for the best and that he doesn't regret the miscarriage at all because back then I was taking a lot of medications and that the baby might be affected. He wishes that I hate him so that I can move on from him because he has moved on from me with another girl. Said friend thinks she did me a favor because I was looking for closure. I don't know how to feel. It was as simple as that, he got tired. That was 4 years and he got tired. Since we have a lot mutual friends and even if I stay quiet, news travel fast, many have taken sides. Some said it's not a good reason and does not justify his actions while others say it's my fault. I knew I lashed out at him so much and that I was being unfair to him. Which is why I asked for a breakup then because I wanted to fix myself and because I didn't want him to suffer at my expense. I would of course stay with him if it was the other way around which I did when he was the one who lost his job and I stayed with him even if it was so hard to be with him at that time. But when I asked for a breakup, he begged and cried and told me a lot of things. Even proposed to me. I said I was the luckiest woman alive since someone loved me throughout all my flaws and then he cheated on me. When I asked why, he said he was tired of me and tired of being my sponge but again he begged me not to leave him and that he would fix himself and that he made a mistake. In the end he just left me. People would ask me, why was I so surprised when I asked for a breakup in the first place? Why wouldn't I be when he sealed the deal with a proposal? How could he be tired? What did he get tired of? Did he get tired of fixing things so he just upped and left and went into a new relationship which was so much easier? And how can he basically say he doesn't see a future with me when he popped the big question in September and I still have the ring to prove that it wasn't some dream. Idk if this gave me closure or just made things much more complicated than it is. How can one switch off their feelings like that and say they have moved on when I'm still here feeling all the pain and despite everything still pining for him I believe in fixing relationships, loving people through their flaws but people are telling me this is a wrong belief and that I should just drop ot because wen things can't be fixed, you replace them. then am I to believe that whenever things get rough, you should just give up? Am I to believe that I can't do wrong or else my partner would leave me in my next relationship?
DarkHorizon Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 We all believe in fixing relationships, but that also depends on which relationships -- not all relationships should be fixed. In the case of yours, for whatever reason, he didn't see worth putting effort in fixing it. You can only control and analyze your own feelings. You shouldn't project your perceptions and understanding of your emotions on someone else. There is absolutely no way to fully understand his reasons and feelings, because maybe he can't even understand them himself. For that single reason alone, the best approach is to reflect on your actions alone, and not his. Learn lessons from what happened, and make sure that, at least on your end, you will be satisfied with your future behavior in similar situations. People are different, and if you know you are doing the right thing for you and for the relationship, there is no reason to believe "or else my partner would leave me in my next relationship". Of course, it isn't easy to hear it, but the hard fact is that he made a decision to leave, and you have to respect it. The reasons for the decision might never become clear to you or anyone, but obsessing over a question you can't know the answer won't be good for you. Your friends are correct when they advise you to "drop it" just because they don't want to see you suffering over a situation that is out of your control.
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