Reitteg813 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Feel kinda shallow for this, but at the same time I feel like it's something to consider since it can have a fairly large impact on your family, life path, and even you as a person depending on the job. So this girl I was seeing is finishing up her second and last year to become an EMT. Since I've never met anyone that is an EMT and don't know much about it I thought I'd do some research. Apparently they make awful money, you won't live comfortably, some suffer from PTSD, some go to drugs and alcohol and other risky behavior due to the high stress levels and seeing some pretty messed up things. Divorce rates are also very high among EMT's and others in EMS because of the long, unusual hours, missing out on Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Halloween, birthdays, and all special occasions, stress, and just not having much time around your significant other and always having to cancel plans and going to bed alone most of the time. It doesn't sound like a relationship I'd want to be in. On top of that, this girl has a very very young mom who got divorced from her father at a young age so this girl grew up without a father and a young irresponsible single mom. I've heard women of divorced parents are 60-65% more likely to get divorced and have problems with intimacy, trust, and a relationship in general later on in life. So that combination isn't sounding too good for me. I could already see the lack of emotion and intimacy in her. She liked me, texted every day, initiated making plans, but in person together she just didn't smile much, not good at making eye contact, didn't seem to get excited about anything. We got along well, shared a lot of common interests, she was decent looking but actually one of the less attractive girls I've been with. So I know I can do much better in terms of looks because of the women I've been with in the past, and I could end up with a women who I get along just as well if not better than, and avoid the family issues and a women with a better, not as risky job that holds a better looking future. After reading all that I basically answered my own question and seems like I made the right choice letting her go, but at the same time for some odd reason my feelings are going the other direction. So would you guys not date someone because of their job? Do you think I made the right move?
Toodaloo Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Grass is always greener on the other side isn't it...
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 So would you guys not date someone because of their job? Do you think I made the right move? Of course, I have declined a few times to date someone because of their job. I am working typical 9-5 week days. I have always refused to date someone on evening shifts or night shifts, or work weekends. It's simply not the type of relationship I want for myself. I want something that sails smoothly with plenty of time together. I want a man available on weekends etc. The other part though, the one where you won't date her because she is from a divorced family, that I find judgmental. First 50% of population comes from broken families right there you are writing off 50% of young women out there. Second. A lot of people don't end up like their parents. I have several examples around me of women from broken families that have made reliable trust worthy life partner and wonderful mothers. Also, on the other hand some of the most dysfunctional people I have met were from un-divorced parents.
normal person Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) So would you guys not date someone because of their job? Do you think I made the right move? You're allowed to have preferences. If you don't like someone or if you're after particular things in your life that don't mesh with the person, you're not obligated to go out with them for whatever reason. You don't have to justify it to anyone else. There's no rule saying you have to give EMTs a solid chance even if you don't want to. That being said, I wouldn't be so quick to assume people who do a particular job have a propensity to be drug addicts, etc. I think it's fine to take lifestyle and that sort of thing into account when choosing a partner if it's going to affect your happiness. Personally, I'd love a girl with a great job that she loved, who wants to contribute and not rely on just my money. More money usually equals more freedom and less stress. I would love to end up with a woman who made as much as me, if not more, assuming she was happy with the work. That'd be the dream. Barring that, it'd be cool if she liked her job and made at least 50% of what I made. I know income inequality is still a big problem. Edited January 22, 2016 by normal person 2
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Grass is always greener on the other side isn't it... Unfortunately, yes. Of course, I have declined a few times to date someone because of their job. I am working typical 9-5 week days. I have always refused to date someone on evening shifts or night shifts, or work weekends. It's simply not the type of relationship I want for myself. I want something that sails smoothly with plenty of time together. I want a man available on weekends etc. The other part though, the one where you won't date her because she is from a divorced family, that I find judgmental. First 50% of population comes from broken families right there you are writing off 50% of young women out there. Second. A lot of people don't end up like their parents. I have several examples around me of women from broken families that have made reliable trust worthy life partner and wonderful mothers. Also, on the other hand some of the most dysfunctional people I have met were from un-divorced parents. It's not just the divorced parents. I would definitely date someone or marry someone with divorced parents. She told me that from the first date and I had no problem with it, and we had 4 more dates after the first. And it wasn't till after that and things started to get more seriously that I looked into EMT. And I realized thats not the type of relationship I think I want to be in based off what I was reading. I included the divorced parents part because it even adds to the fact shes going after a job with such high divorce rates already. Combine the two and it doesnt sound too promising. You're allowed to have preferences. If you don't like someone or if you're after particular things in your life that don't mesh with the person, you're not obligated to go out with them for whatever reason. You don't have to justify it to anyone else. There's no rule saying you have to give EMTs a solid chance even if you don't want to. That being said, I wouldn't be so quick to assume people who do a particular job have a propensity to be drug addicts, etc. I think it's fine to take lifestyle and that sort of thing into account when choosing a partner if it's going to affect your happiness. Personally, I'd love a girl with a great job that she loved, who wants to contribute and not rely on just my money. More money usually equals more freedom and less stress. I would love to end up with a woman who made as much as me, if not more, assuming she was happy with the work. That'd be the dream. Barring that, it'd be cool if she liked her job and made at least 50% of what I made. I know income inequality is still a big problem. I'm not assuming that she'll do drugs, but I'm just talking about the risk. And really even after 5 dates I don't think I felt strongly enough about her to be willing to take that risk. And right from the beginning I was kinda undecided about her just because I wasnt sure if she was right for me, but I thought I'd give it a shot and I just have high standards and shes one of the less attractive women I've been with but towards the end she started to grow on me. And now that I let her go I'm second guessing myself. But I've found the women I've gotten along with the best in the past are the women I've found extremely good looking and were not undecided about in any way. And I'm only 23 and in about 6 months I'll already be making about 30-35k more than her. And EMT and EMS in general doesnt have much room for job growth at all
MissBee Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 You're allowed to have preferences. If you don't like someone or if you're after particular things in your life that don't mesh with the person, you're not obligated to go out with them for whatever reason. You don't have to justify it to anyone else. There's no rule saying you have to give EMTs a solid chance even if you don't want to. That being said, I wouldn't be so quick to assume people who do a particular job have a propensity to be drug addicts, etc. I think it's fine to take lifestyle and that sort of thing into account when choosing a partner if it's going to affect your happiness. Personally, I'd love a girl with a great job that she loved, who wants to contribute and not rely on just my money. More money usually equals more freedom and less stress. I would love to end up with a woman who made as much as me, if not more, assuming she was happy with the work. That'd be the dream. Barring that, it'd be cool if she liked her job and made at least 50% of what I made. I know income inequality is still a big problem. Brilliant response, ditto!
dobielover Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 It's unlikely I'll ever date another cop or surgeon or military.
carhill Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 My short version is, if the lady I'm dating isn't ragging on her job, I'm cool with pretty much anything. Her job doesn't define my opinion. Her satisfaction with it, and her role, does. EMT's I've known are pretty sharp cookies. In my case they've been firefighters cross trained as EMT's which is common in rural areas.
Miss Peach Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Of course, I have declined a few times to date someone because of their job. I am working typical 9-5 week days. I have always refused to date someone on evening shifts or night shifts, or work weekends. It's simply not the type of relationship I want for myself. I want something that sails smoothly with plenty of time together. I want a man available on weekends etc. This. I don't see how I could develop the sort of relationship I wanted if we can't find a decent amount of time to spend together. I also won't date men in situations (like some military positions) where they are likely to have to move around. I don't want to relocate at this point in my life.
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 This. I don't see how I could develop the sort of relationship I wanted if we can't find a decent amount of time to spend together. I also won't date men in situations (like some military positions) where they are likely to have to move around. I don't want to relocate at this point in my life. Exactly. And that's one of the major reason sooo many people in that field get divorced. Very long odd hours which results in stress and not enough time together. Realistically, she'd be spending more time with her EMT partner than me.
PrettyEmily77 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Seems like you're not dating her not because of her job but rather because you don't like her enough. Which is reason enough, btw.
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Seems like you're not dating her not because of her job but rather because you don't like her enough. Which is reason enough, btw. it's a weird situation. I've never done online dating, thats how we met. Ive always looked at it as pretty pathetic and desperate and I hate to sound arrogant but people that look like me do not use it. But I graduated college a year ago and women don't come as easily in the real world compared to college. Only 5 women in a year for me, so I decided to use it. And she looked a lot better in pics than in person. But I decided to give the first date a shot anyways even though I was a bit disappointed right when I saw her. And idk why but we just continued hanging out and she kinda began to grow on me and some unexpected feelings just developed pretty quick. It was weird cause I've never had that happen. Every other woman I've been with before I was just extremely attracted to right from the start. So yeah theres that too. If I was disappointed when I first saw her, that right there is an immediate sign I shouldnt be with her. I should have just walked away after the first date and avoided all of this
Author Reitteg813 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Now that I'm typing all this out and re-reading it...yeah, it just wasn't meant to be.
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