Forza.Taki Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I've talked to this girl for about 4 months now and we've gone on 5 dates. She knows I like her, she knows I want to start a relationship with her and we've had talks related to this more than once. So here's the story. She always has been really dodgy towards my compliments. At first I thought she was being just shy, but 4 months into flirting and dating, I expected these compliments to get us closer into a romantic relationship because she's been extremely passive. I questioned her yesterday asking why she acts as if she has no idea of what my intentions are when I compliment her, and her answer was that she is 'unsure'. She finds herself busy with school, work and family and is unsure about starting anything with me. That is understandable. But she says, "You can do whatever you want, I'm not asking anything from you. You can wait if you think I'm worth it, but if not, you don't have to." She also doesn't guarantee anything at the end of the 'wait' either. She just wants me to be completely non-ambitious and patient while I 'wait' for possibly nothing at the end of it. Does this seem a bit absurd or is this something that I just sit through? I don't see how one day it would all click together and she would be ready for a relationship. I personally thought I had to build up the feelings for a relationship to happen. She just wants me to 'trust' her and wait hoping one day it would all come together. Honestly, if that's the right thing to do, I am ready to do it. It's just that I'm not quite sure what I'm exactly doing. How does this all sound to you guys? Do I wait? If you disagree with the situation, how can I come about to tell her?
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I don't see how one day it would all click together and she would be ready for a relationship. I personally thought I had to build up the feelings for a relationship to happen. She just wants me to 'trust' her and wait hoping one day it would all come together. Honestly, if that's the right thing to do, I am ready to do it. It's just that I'm not quite sure what I'm exactly doing. How does this all sound to you guys? Do I wait? If you disagree with the situation, how can I come about to tell her? What a big load of excuses. Of course you don't agree with that. She doesn't like you 'that way' but she likes that you like her only to strike her ego. Very selfish and very misleading. You are right, it's not going to click suddenly after 6 months. After 4 months if it's not there it will never be. Her not caring if you wait or not is telling how SHE doesn't care AT ALL. When a woman likes a man she can't stay away from him. She want to hear from him and she wants his time!! Go out there Forza and find yourself a nice girl that WANTS to spend time with you. 6
TheTraveler Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 5 dates in 4 months? Go find someone else and stop wasting your time with this one. 3
WaitingForBardot Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 No, she is not unsure in the least and no she doesn't want you to wait. I know this isn't likely what you want to hear, but it is what it is. 1
Redhead14 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I've talked to this girl for about 4 months now and we've gone on 5 dates. She knows I like her, she knows I want to start a relationship with her and we've had talks related to this more than once. So here's the story. She always has been really dodgy towards my compliments. At first I thought she was being just shy, but 4 months into flirting and dating, I expected these compliments to get us closer into a romantic relationship because she's been extremely passive. I questioned her yesterday asking why she acts as if she has no idea of what my intentions are when I compliment her, and her answer was that she is 'unsure'. She finds herself busy with school, work and family and is unsure about starting anything with me. That is understandable. But she says, "You can do whatever you want, I'm not asking anything from you. You can wait if you think I'm worth it, but if not, you don't have to." She also doesn't guarantee anything at the end of the 'wait' either. She just wants me to be completely non-ambitious and patient while I 'wait' for possibly nothing at the end of it. Does this seem a bit absurd or is this something that I just sit through? I don't see how one day it would all click together and she would be ready for a relationship. I personally thought I had to build up the feelings for a relationship to happen. She just wants me to 'trust' her and wait hoping one day it would all come together. Honestly, if that's the right thing to do, I am ready to do it. It's just that I'm not quite sure what I'm exactly doing. How does this all sound to you guys? Do I wait? If you disagree with the situation, how can I come about to tell her? 4 months, 5 dates -- that's one date a month essentially. How can you really get to know someone on that timeline. I get why she's dodgy. You two haven't spent enough time together to get a grip on things. Why only one date a month? If it's because of her schedule with school, work, family -- she hasn't been putting much effort into making time for you at least. I wouldn't wait. I'd keep dating others and if she starts making time for you, you can reconsider pursuing something more actively with her. For now, keep moving. Tell her she should do what she needs to do and you will do what you need to do.
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. If you feel pushed around, avoided, are given anxiety that you must be doing something wrong, you ditch them. Not worth it, and is a total waste of YOUR time. 2
hasaquestion Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Good rule of thumb for life. If people are avoiding you then they are trying to avoid you.
Miss Peach Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 It doesn't sound like she's interested at this point for whatever reason. I still can't understand why only 5 dates in 4 months. Was that because of her or you? If a guy wanted to see me on that schedule and then told me he wanted a relationship I wouldn't believe him and that could be why you're getting the excuses. If it's her I would think either she's just not into you enough or has enough on her plate that she doesn't want anything. Either one is game over at this point. If you still want to try something at a later point then fine but in the short term I would just move on.
LostOnes05 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Don't wait for her...likely she has someone else on her mind and using you as an ego boost until they are good and ready.
Reitteg813 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 5 dates in 4 months? Go find someone else and stop wasting your time with this one. First thing that caught my attention. I'm impressed you had the patience to only go on 5 dates in 4 months. I was once seeing a girl like that. 3 dates in 2 months. I don't know why I stuck around. I guess its a different point of view when you're involved. Doesn't sound like shes that interested or wants to see you much. Go find someone that'd actually like to be with you and go on 4 dates in say maybe 3-4 weeks.
preraph Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Listen, women see right through compliments. We all know, even as young girls, that they are mostly said to try to warm us up. So don't always expect compliments to work, especially if they're about physical characteristics. She's not very interested in you. She's not comfortable with the forumlaic compliments. She knows what you want. She doesn't want that. She doesn't hate you, but you are probably never getting romantic with her and will be wasting your time if you wait. Sorry to deliver the bad news. But that is essentially what she has already told you. Better luck on the next one. Being genuine and confident will work better for you.
Lois_Griffin Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 How does it sound, you ask? Pitifully lame. You're eagerly lapping up whatever little bread crumbs she occasionally tosses your way, and desperately trying to turn that into a 7-course banquet. She's clearly not interested in you romantically. She likes the attention you lavish on her and occasionally being taken out if she has no better plans. You're probably her only option at the moment. Sounds as though she keeps you around to feed her ego and occasionally take her to dinner. But should her options suddenly change and she meets someone who DOES interest her, she'll immediately start doing the slow fade on you. Don't ever settle for being anyone's option.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I have to sarcastically say, since you are a guy, you are not supposed wait, are not expected to "wait", waiting is a feminine thing
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