rdons1 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) So I was the dumper in this situation. We broke up about a month ago but we still speak often. I try not to be the one to initiate contact because I know it isn't fair to her. But when we do talk I often still feel my feelings for her and I feel like in time maybe we could have a future together after some space and personal growth for both of us, then at other times I feel super depressed when we talk and all i can think about is "the good ol days" and it gets me very upset. I genuinely wish I could just dive and fully commit to being with her. For some reason I have all of these doubts. I think it all stemmed from the honeymoon phase ending (a point in the relationship I have never gotten to before). It was new to me and I'm not sure if it was a loss of feelings, or just moving on to the next stage of our relationship. Is it weird that even though I broke up with her I still wish and would love that I could just feel the love for her i need to feel in order to be with her. She is seriously so amazing and would be a perfect life partner. We both are finding it very hard to let each other go. We agreed that we were not getting along and were in a bad place but I ultimately was the one to end it .I am only 21 and she is 20. So we are both immature and have a lot of growing to do. But like I said, I WANT to want to be madly in love with her.I literally overthink everything about our relationship and I feel like it stopped me from allowing myself to just keep falling more in love and connecting with her more . i cant tell if my feelings went away, or it was just the end of the honeymoon phase. Edited January 22, 2016 by rdons1
mightycpa Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 You just haven't met her replacement yet, that's all. You will.
Jim nine three Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Be very careful,the path you are about to tread is full of dangers!!! I was once in the same situation as you.I knew the relationship was not going to work out eventually so I ended things (it was kind of mutual like you said) but she still talked to me very often.The part about you being depressed every time you talk and thinking of the "good ol days" intensified in me as time went by,these feelings intensified,to the point where I asked her back.However,I soon realized that neither her nor the situation between us was the same.That was really hard to get over. My advice to you? If you want to give it another shot,be clear about your intentions with her and since you are the one who dumped her,it's all up to her from that point forward,she can either agree or reject your proposal.The risk of telling her is up to you If you truly want to move on,the best thing to do is to minimize contact with her to the point where she understands that there is no going back and find someone else with whom the desire of a relationship will be mutual.It is fair to both you and her and will save you from a lot of drama. Ultimately,the choice is yours.I'm just sharing with you the similar experience I had in the past,so maybe you can get some perspective!
PocketBlues Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Sometimes we think that love must be something really strong that we feel all the time and that if we are not feeling crazy about someone we are not in love. While I think some people do feel love that way, I think most of us don't, specially after "the honeymoon phase" like you said. It's normal to have doubts and not be sure about someone specially when you don't have a lot of experience. I'm not sure how your couple dynamic was and why you were not getting along, but if you think she is amazing and you once "loved" her, maybe you should try again, this time without pressure. You are only 20, maybe take this as an opportunity to learn. Stop overthinking, just experience it and see how it goes. You have lots of time!
Thistooshallpass21 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Sometimes we think that love must be something really strong that we feel all the time and that if we are not feeling crazy about someone we are not in love. While I think some people do feel love that way, I think most of us don't, specially after "the honeymoon phase" like you said. It's normal to have doubts and not be sure about someone specially when you don't have a lot of experience. I'm not sure how your couple dynamic was and why you were not getting along, but if you think she is amazing and you once "loved" her, maybe you should try again, this time without pressure. You are only 20, maybe take this as an opportunity to learn. Stop overthinking, just experience it and see how it goes. You have lots of time! I agree with this to a T. I think people way too often expect too much. I mean I am you just like OP, I'm 22. However, I truly believe this was the downfall to my relationship
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