I've lost my soul mate and am looking some and support

[hopeconspiracy]

Hi, this is my first time posting on here. In fact I just signed up after reading some of the other posts. I'm sorry if I've posted in the wrong section.

 

I did just write a massive post but I don't want to waste your time with every single detail so I'll tell you what I think are the important parts and if you want to know anything else, just ask and I will let you know .

 

So my partner left me, we had been together for just under two years but we had known each other almost 10 years. We lived together and we have a beautiful little girl together too. Lots has happened since we broke up (5/6 months ago), she actually slept with an ex boyfriend from years back on a 3 or 4 separate occasions, when I found out she was very remorseful, she said she felt disgusted with herself. I forgave her because I love her and I accepted that we weren't together and that what we had was worth saving if we could. She cried, I cried and we decided to try and work things out.

 

However I don't feel that she tried a great deal, she was very distant with me, never showed much affection and seemed to get annoyed if I said I loved her or anything like that. This all came to a head a couple of days ago when she said she needed some time by herself to see what she wants. I'm so scared and I am trying to give her space but I did cave and exchange a few texts with her today. I'm terrified that she won't give this a chance and I know I can't control that but we have a little girl and I don't want her to have separated parents like I did. I'm also going to find it very hard to find the balance when it comes to my daughter and seeing her because I know it's going to kill me every time I see my her but I also know that I want to be a part of my girls life and I never want her to feel like I don't love her or won't be there.

 

The ideal outcome would be for her to miss me or feel something for me again to just allow her to open her heart and give things another go. I just want her to feel like she used to, so if there is anything I can do to start working on this please help.

 

I know I may have to just try and move on and be there for my girl but the thought of it is too much at the moment.

 

Any advice, support, kind words or even just stories of your current situations if they're similar would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

[DrMario]

She slept with her ex on 4 different occasions, you let that slide, you've been loyal to her by the sounds of it, you don't seem like the problem here, she seems like the problem and you need to start thinking about whether you deserve this kind of treatment from her or not.

 

I know it's difficult because you have a child with her, I've been there myself and held on to hope for many months after it was over, I know it seems like reason enough to stay and put up with all the bs but it really isn't, so long as you do right by your child, your doing the right thing, whatever she does from here is out of your control so it seems and I'm sorry but you might have to prepare yourself for her leaving for the long haul by the sounds of her behavior.

[Satu]

There is no such thing as 'The One.'

 

There is no such thing as a 'Soul Mate."

 

What there is, is two people who have a degree of compatibility, who can work well enough together to build something positive and lasting, or not.

 

I'll leave it to you decide if you have that compatibility and that ability to work together.

 

You should turn your attention away from her feelings, and take a look at your own.

 

Ask yourself honestly if this is something that can be repaired.

 

Ask yourself what is best for you and your daughter in the long term, not just now in the throws of rejection.

 

No matter what happens, you have to be the best father you can be.

 

Be realistic and pragmatic.

 

Both you and your partner have to want the same things.

 

People have turned situations like this around, but it has to be something you both want.

 

Look at this as realistically and dispassionately as you can.

 

It could go either way, but try to move out of the desperation into a calmer, more measured view of the situation.

 

I wish you well.

 

 

Good luck.

[renny]

Hi, this is my first time posting on here. In fact I just signed up after reading some of the other posts. I'm sorry if I've posted in the wrong section.

 

I did just write a massive post but I don't want to waste your time with every single detail so I'll tell you what I think are the important parts and if you want to know anything else, just ask and I will let you know .

 

So my partner left me, we had been together for just under two years but we had known each other almost 10 years. We lived together and we have a beautiful little girl together too. Lots has happened since we broke up (5/6 months ago), she actually slept with an ex boyfriend from years back on a 3 or 4 separate occasions, when I found out she was very remorseful, she said she felt disgusted with herself. I forgave her because I love her and I accepted that we weren't together and that what we had was worth saving if we could. She cried, I cried and we decided to try and work things out.

 

However I don't feel that she tried a great deal, she was very distant with me, never showed much affection and seemed to get annoyed if I said I loved her or anything like that. This all came to a head a couple of days ago when she said she needed some time by herself to see what she wants. I'm so scared and I am trying to give her space but I did cave and exchange a few texts with her today. I'm terrified that she won't give this a chance and I know I can't control that but we have a little girl and I don't want her to have separated parents like I did. I'm also going to find it very hard to find the balance when it comes to my daughter and seeing her because I know it's going to kill me every time I see my her but I also know that I want to be a part of my girls life and I never want her to feel like I don't love her or won't be there.

 

The ideal outcome would be for her to miss me or feel something for me again to just allow her to open her heart and give things another go. I just want her to feel like she used to, so if there is anything I can do to start working on this please help.

 

I know I may have to just try and move on and be there for my girl but the thought of it is too much at the moment.

 

Any advice, support, kind words or even just stories of your current situations if they're similar would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

 

First off, stay strong as you can. I know what it's like when someone you love suddenly is not around. The pain is ridiculous, and all you want to know is where are they. I hate to say this, but it sounds like she may have finally decided that she wants out. I'm in a situation similar to yours, it's posted on here, read it and hopefully it Will give you some insight. Its hard man, I know. When you love someone, it's hard to accept that they may move on without you. It's hard to advise you which way to go with this. too much action, you drive her further away, too little, you risk letting her slip away for good. Follow your heart, you know this woman and sometimes you have to be proactive and take a leap of faith to get a resolution to a painful situation. Stay strong for your little girl and keep posting. There are lots of people on here going through pain just like you who understand and will advise you as best they can.

[hopeconspiracy]

She slept with her ex on 4 different occasions, you let that slide, you've been loyal to her by the sounds of it, you don't seem like the problem here, she seems like the problem and you need to start thinking about whether you deserve this kind of treatment from her or not.

 

I know it's difficult because you have a child with her, I've been there myself and held on to hope for many months after it was over, I know it seems like reason enough to stay and put up with all the bs but it really isn't, so long as you do right by your child, your doing the right thing, whatever she does from here is out of your control so it seems and I'm sorry but you might have to prepare yourself for her leaving for the long haul by the sounds of her behavior.

 

Thank you for your reply. I have always been loyal and yes I let it slide. In a way I felt that it was my fault (I don't feel this way now), I essentially put them back in contact with each other indirectly. To cut a long story short, I went out one night to a bar with a friend, we then ended up at a house party (more of a gathering than a full blown party) and her ex boyfriend was there, his most recent ex girlfriend was also there and myself and her got talking, it ended up that me and a my friend went back to her place for a few more drinks at the end of the night. Absolutely nothing happened and it was completely innocent but he had obviously gotten jealous or something and he then added my ex on Facebook and it progressed from there so part of me thinks that she was angry and assumed I had already done something with someone else which was completely false.

 

I was definitely a problem in the relationship, not purposely but I don't think I was there enough for her or gave her enough support or attention. In a way becoming a dad very suddenly changed my life and I'm a little ashamed to admit it but I got scared and I threw myself into working and having a beer or two after work It is a regret of mine and I have actually stopped drinking all together for now until I get my head together as I've made a decision to try not to bury my head in the sand with my problems any more.

 

I'm feeling a lot more positive today. Today is the first day I have gone without contacting her once in one way or another.

 

What confuses me the most is that she wanted to work things out, then she didn't, then she said she didn't want to imagine her life without me, then she said she couldn't do it anymore but that she loves me, then she said she doesn't love me in the same way, then she said she doesn't love me at all and now she has saying that she isn't happy and that I turn her into "not a very nice person". I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I feel like I have admitted my faults and I am working on them.

 

I just don't understand how she could give up on our family. The future we planned together and it absolutely kills me. I wouldn't of settled down and had a child if I didn't want to spend my life with her and I'm not saying I regret having my daughter with her because I love my little girl more than anything and every day I am trying to be the best dad that I can be. I just find it hard to focus all of my attention on my girl when I have to see her and it brings me back to square one.

 

Like I said though, I haven't contacted her today and am going to continue with no contact (unless I need to speak with her about our daughter). I'm doing this to heal now and not to get her back. I would love to be with her but I accept that it has to be her decision and that I can not change her feelings no matter how much I want to. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I came to this conclusion but I would be lying if I said that I don't hope that we can start again.

 

I'm going to get on with my life and do what I can for my daughter and I guess. I'm feeling confident right now but sometimes I feel like this and then I crash and burn again.

 

Thank you again to everyone who replied. I really appreciate the responses and advice.