KindlyUnspoken23 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Maybe this is my own fault because my last relationship spent the night on our first date & after that was just hook ups, but how slow is too slow? I started talking to someone and we talked all last week, everyday and really got to know each other. On Friday night I drove up to his town for dinner & I thought we had a nice time. He walked me to my car after, said he had a great time & we hugged bye. That night he texted and again said he had a good time and we talked about wanting to see each other again. On Sunday night, he asked about going out during the week. We made plans for Wednesday (last night) & he said he just wanted to see me again. Yesterday he told me he was really excited to see me & spend time with me. He came down to me this time & we went out to pizza and a movie. When I first got into his car, he did seem kind of nervous, like he wasn’t sure if he should hold my hand, kiss me, etc. We had good conversation again, things felt natural, etc. During the movie we were both cold, but he didn’t make a move. At one point he did stretch towards me, but still didn’t touch me. When we said goodbye, we hugged and he said he’s glad we went out and he had an awesome time. Again, the post date text was that we both had fun, and if he ends up getting out of this weekend trip he doesn’t wanna go on, he’d like to see me. Today we talked a bit and I told him how I was calling out of work tonight so since we were both gonna be relaxing, I’d be around to chat. He seemed excited and said he’d definitely wanna chat. I know it’s way too early for the “where is this going?” concern, but I’m sort of worried about him not making any moves. Then again, he always acts excited to see me (though I don’t know why because I’m not that special), he always tells me how great of a time he has. But, is it weird that I feel like we’re not asking about each other and just talking or that neither one has invited the other to their place? Or that there’s been no physical advances?
Nilfiry Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Since when is there a standard for which relationships progress? Stop worrying about such silly things and enjoy the natural flow of your relationship. People will progress at their own pace, just like everything else in nature. 4
SwordofFlame Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 He could be shy? Maybe he sucks at reading you? Are you giving him any physical signals by flirting with him? Or do you just act neutral like you would around a friend.
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) Maybe this is my own fault because my last relationship spent the night on our first date & after that was just hook ups, but how slow is too slow? I started talking to someone and we talked all last week, everyday and really got to know each other. On Friday night I drove up to his town for dinner & I thought we had a nice time. He walked me to my car after, said he had a great time & we hugged bye. That night he texted and again said he had a good time and we talked about wanting to see each other again. On Sunday night, he asked about going out during the week. We made plans for Wednesday (last night) & he said he just wanted to see me again. Yesterday he told me he was really excited to see me & spend time with me. He came down to me this time & we went out to pizza and a movie. When I first got into his car, he did seem kind of nervous, like he wasn’t sure if he should hold my hand, kiss me, etc. We had good conversation again, things felt natural, etc. During the movie we were both cold, but he didn’t make a move. At one point he did stretch towards me, but still didn’t touch me. When we said goodbye, we hugged and he said he’s glad we went out and he had an awesome time. Again, the post date text was that we both had fun, and if he ends up getting out of this weekend trip he doesn’t wanna go on, he’d like to see me. Today we talked a bit and I told him how I was calling out of work tonight so since we were both gonna be relaxing, I’d be around to chat. He seemed excited and said he’d definitely wanna chat. I know it’s way too early for the “where is this going?” concern, but I’m sort of worried about him not making any moves. Then again, he always acts excited to see me (though I don’t know why because I’m not that special), he always tells me how great of a time he has. But, is it weird that I feel like we’re not asking about each other and just talking or that neither one has invited the other to their place? Or that there’s been no physical advances? Wow, a thread that isn't about a guy who puts the moves on the girl on the first date . . . and about a guy who might actually be looking for a real relationship and taking the time to get to know a woman first. Why does there have to be a schedule or set time for intimacy to happen. we’re not asking about each other and just talking or that neither one -- the operative words here are "we're not and neither one" -- why don't you start asking him some questions about himself and his life???? He might be thinking the same thing. Not only that, if you're not having deeper conversations, you aren't really bonding or developing closeness, so there would be some hesitation about moving it to the next level . . . Edited January 21, 2016 by Redhead14 1
thecrucible Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I can see what you mean. You must be more attracted to an assertive guy but he is probably thinking about the pace himself and may be thinking of upping the anté before he loses your interest. Like you, if a man never made the move first I probably wouldn't do it because, I dunno, it just ruins the romance for me. But I also think you can have deeper conversation and see if that triggers something more romantic. I would give him a chance and take a bit longer to figure him out. And everyone, I can understand the OP's confusion. If the guy doesn't make a move by a certain point, you just wonder whether he actually finds you attractive at all or is just going through the motions. He could just be shy and confused and some men get intimidated if they like a woman and won't think to compliment her and will say things like "you must get that all the time". He could just be very inside his head.
Author KindlyUnspoken23 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Update: We've spent the past 2 hours talking. I've inquired about the sport he loves to play and the injuries he suffered. We talked about extra curricular high school activities and I did bring up past relationship situations. He said in general, he's more hesitant because he's really serious about finding what he wants/needs. And, he said his only regret of his last 2 serious relationships were he let them move too fast without establishing that connection. SO I THINK THATS MY ANSWER!!!! Hopefully 1
thecrucible Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 That sounds great, KindlyUnspoken23. It sounds like you had a great honest conversation with him. So happy for you as another woman might have just thought "eh he's too timid" or "he's not interested" and not given him much of a chance. Maybe things will open up after this conversation? He might feel like he's got something off his chest. Not with this situation but just as an aside, I think sometimes men get confused because all women are different and they have been with a woman before with particular preferences about how he should act (maybe she thought he was too fast or too slow or whatever?) so for a time the guy is still figuring you out as well and adjusting his actions accordingly. It's like when guys are figuring whether you're into chivalry or not - is this the right to do? Will I offend her? (Well at least some guys are like this anyway). 1
Author KindlyUnspoken23 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 That sounds great, KindlyUnspoken23. It sounds like you had a great honest conversation with him. So happy for you as another woman might have just thought "eh he's too timid" or "he's not interested" and not given him much of a chance. Maybe things will open up after this conversation? He might feel like he's got something off his chest. Not with this situation but just as an aside, I think sometimes men get confused because all women are different and they have been with a woman before with particular preferences about how he should act (maybe she thought he was too fast or too slow or whatever?) so for a time the guy is still figuring you out as well and adjusting his actions accordingly. It's like when guys are figuring whether you're into chivalry or not - is this the right to do? Will I offend her? (Well at least some guys are like this anyway). Thank you for all the supportive feedback! I hope you're right, I'm really excited to see where things could go with him. I told him for what it's worth, I've enjoyed spending time together and talking for the past 2 weeks & he said he has too! I did have one thought. When we first chatted, I commended him for not immediately asking me for a hook-up. I told him I'm not into that stuff because I had a unique/difficult sexual past & as I got more comfortable with him and he got to know me, I'd share it. I wonder if he's waiting to find out what that all is. I mean, I can understand if he thinks I was raped (which I wasn't), why he would be hesitant to make a move. Now I just gotta think about how to bring that up randomly bc I am comfortable enough to share it.
Author KindlyUnspoken23 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Moving this up in hopes that previous poster can give some more insight (you're great at this!), lol
Kuchi2 Posted January 23, 2016 Posted January 23, 2016 The guy who I've been dating for about 3 months was going slow. I think it was mostly because of me. For some reason, I give a very poker face-stand of-ish attitude. I'm very funny and can have good convo, but I think I give out some weird vibe, because all the guys I've dated try not to kiss me and they later tell me that they weren't sure of where I stood lol. But back to the guy I'm dating, we went on 3 dates, and not once did he try to kiss me, hold my hand, etc. We did hug bye at the end, but that's it for getting physical. On dates 2 & 3, I was even tempting to break it off because I felt he didn't initiate anything and it kinda was turning me off. But, later found out that he was so interested he didn't want to screw up any chance he had since he wasn't sure if I was on the same page. So, maybe he is not sure if he should take the initiate because he is afraid of how you'll take it. Eventually he'll take courage the more you guys go on dates. But maybe you could also take the initiative and try for the kiss. Or give hints to show him to kiss you.
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