iamlamby Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I moved to California 2.5 years ago, before I had a chance to develop a solid base of support system, I fell head over heels for a girl at work. She was stuck in an 8 year relationship with a guy that has a lot of bad habits,such as being a drinker and partying all the time instead of growing up.the relationship was making her miserable. Eventually she broke up with him, as she is a single mother, she said the stress of his bad habits has become unbearable and she cannot handle it on top of being a single mother. Eventually she broke up with him, and we quickly started dating. I know all the red flags are there, but I don't connect with people often, and I honestly didn't how to stop. So I ended up devoting 2 years of my life to her. During this time, she has mourned the loss of Shane in front of me, compared me to him, making me feel miserable and hurt many times.Also, the fact that we are together as a lesbian couple makes her uncomfortable,if not embarrassed. Every time I try to get some distance,she will text me and say she misses me.Although I know we act more like friends anyway, for some reason the thought of not being with her romantically,the thought that I'm no longer her number one,makes me too sad to avoid her. Anyway, she ended up having recurring breast cancer and I was there to help her out through it all. Right after being diagnosed with it she told me she really cannot do this anymore. She agreed to date me again because she didn't want to lose me. I agreed to stay by her thinking no matter what I just want her in my life, if it's as friends I'll deal with it. Now that she's out of the hospital,recovering nicely. Her past began to haunt her again. She recently hung out with Shane again and had a wonderful time. My jealousy didn't help the situation, but she became distanced and cold. Eventually she got into a heated conversation with me where she told me she regrets breaking up with him, and that it was probably the second biggest regret of her life. I was sad by it,thinking it in a way devalue what we had for the past 2.5 years. she became annoyed and say it was not about me, and tell me again she loves Shane not me and that it's not her fault I became so attached since she did tell me in the beginning it wasn't going to be serious. I wanted to argue back saying, then why pull me back and do things like tell your uncle I'm your girlfriend and all that? Why go that direction, and when I am feeling used, makes me feel like it was all my fault. So here I am, maybe she's going to try to get back to him, I don't know,she always say a lot of things, but never act on them. Maybe his bad habits are still there stopping her from making that call, but I feel very hurt and unimportant, I gave my life to this person for the past 2 years for nothing it seems. The sad part is, without her, I have nothing here. 1
DarkHorizon Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 she told me she regrets breaking up with him, and that it was probably the second biggest regret of her life. I was sad by it,thinking it in a way devalue what we had for the past 2.5 years. she became annoyed and say it was not about me, and tell me again she loves Shane not me and that it's not her fault I became so attached since she did tell me in the beginning it wasn't going to be serious. I know it hurts, but... leave her. People who truly love don't say that stuff. It is really that simple. I know you love her, and I know you want to be with her, but you also want to be loved, and it doesn't seem like she is offering you that. Take care of yourself, love yourself, heal yourself. You gave her two years of your life? Don't give her more. And no, you didn't waste your time; you can learn great lessons from it. We all have experiences, but the important part is to learn the lessons each experience offers us. That is what truly makes us wiser. 2
Satu Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 At this point, you are hurting yourself by remaining connected to her. She does not have your best interests at heart. She is clearly indifferent to your pain. As an adult, you have the responsibility of ensuring your own health and general wellbeing. That will always be your job. You are worth much more than you think you are. Remove yourself from her. Find a good therapist and do some healing. Take care. 2
BonerFide Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I know it hurts, but... leave her. People who truly love don't say that stuff. It is really that simple. I know you love her, and I know you want to be with her, but you also want to be loved, and it doesn't seem like she is offering you that. Take care of yourself, love yourself, heal yourself. You gave her two years of your life? Don't give her more. And no, you didn't waste your time; you can learn great lessons from it. We all have experiences, but the important part is to learn the lessons each experience offers us. That is what truly makes us wiser. Absolutely this. It's necessary now to let yourself find someone who is going to treat you with more respect and love, but that can't happen until you leave this girl behind. It'll be hard but it's the only way to move forward and not keep spinning in circles, which is a waste of time. 2
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