UPDATE: Had fight and she wanted space

[One_Made_of_Silver]

My gf and I had a huge fight earlier this week, and I said some things I shouldn't have said that made her feel bad. At the end she said she wanted space. I asked if she was saying she didn't want to see me anymore and she said just said I handled things wrong and she wanted space. Is it over? I know I made a mistake. I blame myself for what happened. We had so much fun together, and now I may have destroyed it.

Edited January 14, 2016 by One_Made_of_Silver

[ExpatInItaly]

We need more details. What was the fight about and what did you say? This will help us understand her mindset

[One_Made_of_Silver]

I had what I thought was an std (I had all the symptoms of gonorrea) and I kind of grilled her about her sexual history, since she's had way more partners than I have. I later realized I made her feel like a slut, although I didn't use those exact words. She'll probably never look at me the same way again.

[Glitters]

I had what I thought was an std (I had all the symptoms of gonorrea) and I kind of grilled her about her sexual history, since she's had way more partners than I have. I later realized I made her feel like a slut, although I didn't use those exact words. She'll probably never look at me the same way again.

 

I wouldn't look at you again either

[smackie9]

it's over, you acted like a complete jerk. I agree with the above poster....I wouldn't look at you again as well.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

I truly didn't mean to hurt her. I'm not a mean spirited person at all. I just panicked and I made a mistake. I admit that. I cried myself over what I did. This was my mistake, my fault and I wish I could make things better somehow.

Edited January 14, 2016 by One_Made_of_Silver

[One_Made_of_Silver]

I hurt someone who really liked me for who I was, because I exercised poor judgement and immaturity. I've been my own worst enemy on this, and I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. If she breaks up with me, I would deserve it. But I'd give anything to make it up to her. I'd do anything for her to forgive me.

[sandylee1]

Apologize again. Tell her you panicked.. that you didn't mean it and that you promise to NEVER say anything like that again.... if only she would please give you another chance.

 

Tell her how much she means to you and that regret saying something so stupid and hurtful to her.

[katiegrl]

 

Apologize again.

 

Tell her how much she means to you and that you regret saying something so stupid and hurtful to her.

 

Just do this ^^^^

 

This is all you need to say.....no more, no less.

 

No need to tell her you panicked, didn't mean it....too much groveling isn't good either.

 

She will either choose to forgive and forget, or not.

 

If not, big lesson learned for your next RL.

 

Good luck!

Edited January 14, 2016 by katiegrl

[One_Made_of_Silver]

Apologize again. Tell her you panicked.. that you didn't mean it and that you promise to NEVER say anything like that again.... if only she would please give you another chance.

 

Tell her how much she means to you and that regret saying something so stupid and hurtful to her.

 

I will; but when would be the best time to do this? She said she wanted space. If I contact her again so soon, won't I be violating her wish and forcing even further away? I can't believe I f**ked up so bad.

[DeeplyMissHer]

I will; but when would be the best time to do this? She said she wanted space. If I contact her again so soon, won't I be violating her wish and forcing even further away? I can't believe I f**ked up so bad.

 

I'd tell her ASAP honestly.

 

Tell her something like: "I'm sorry for saying those things. I hope you can give me another chance. I will give you space and I hope you can forgive me and give me another chance."

 

Or something less corny then that, and then wait. Don't contact her again until she responds. She knows you are thinking of her and that you don't want to let this relationship go.

[kendahke]

I hurt someone who really liked me for who I was, because I exercised poor judgement and immaturity. I've been my own worst enemy on this, and I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. If she breaks up with me, I would deserve it. But I'd give anything to make it up to her. I'd do anything for her to forgive me.

 

Here is what you need to work on: I'm guessing there was a moment in this exchange when you could have stopped yourself on this trajectory and been able to avoid a catastrophe, but you instead decided to double down and go further til you drew blood--- and that is what you need to examine about yourself. Why do you go there? Exercising poor judgment and insecurity causes you to only wind up alone.

 

Your problem stemmed from you feeling she was lying to you. The first time she said "I wasn't that one" should have been when you stopped. Do you feel she's a bald-faced liar? Has she lied about things before?

 

Where you chose to take this is a place that is extremely hard for someone to return from when they are innocent of what you've accused them. That isn't an "I'll just go walk it off" kind of thing. You assassinated her character saying what you did and she can't just "unhear" that or get the visual out of her mind of you saying it to her face.

 

It may take some time for her to safe enough around you to come back into your presence. I wouldn't expect for her to take you back, not if she has a shred of self esteem and self value. I can't think of any emotionally healthy woman who would return to someone who called her that. She may forgive you, but I seriously doubt she will ever allow herself to forget what you called her.

 

It's time for you to grow up and stop saying things you later regret or else you're going to find yourself alone for a long, long time.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

it's over, you acted like a complete jerk. I agree with the above poster....I wouldn't look at you again as well.

 

I deserve everything you said. I've basically showed her she can't count on me and she can't trust me. I betrayed her.

 

Apologize again. Tell her you panicked.. that you didn't mean it and that you promise to NEVER say anything like that again.... if only she would please give you another chance.

 

Tell her how much she means to you and that regret saying something so stupid and hurtful to her.

 

I sent her the message, but no response yet. One mistake I made is going to cost me my relationship. If things can't be repaired, I don't think I'll ever pursue another relationship again. Someone who would do what I did probably doesn't deserve to have a gf.

[oberkeat]

I've seen folks forgive their partners and give second chances for worse things. I'm talking infidelity type things. Abuse type things. Whether she'll forgive you in this case is up to her. Maybe she needs time. You seem remorseful. If you apologized to her and meant every word, that's all you can do.

[mrs rubble]

Send your apology with flowers and chocolate, you'll have a greater chance of being forgiven.

[todreaminblue]

hey....i am sorry you are in the situation you are in, seems to me to me you know exactly what you did and are sincere in being sorry for it....tell her....my suggestion is break the space thing.....just to tell her what a mistake you made and then tell her you will respect her space you just wanted her to know how truly sorry you were and that you regret ever speaking to her that way to make her feel bad.........and then leave her to decide her next course that she wishes to take....everyone deserves to be heard...when they say sorry and truly mean it....i hope it works out for you...best wishes....deb

[TunaCat]

Send your apology with flowers and chocolate, you'll have a greater chance of being forgiven.

 

No, don't do this. Give her the space she asked for. Do not try to win her over with material things.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

hey....i am sorry you are in the situation you are in, seems to me to me you know exactly what you did and are sincere in being sorry for it....tell her....my suggestion is break the space thing.....just to tell her what a mistake you made and then tell her you will respect her space you just wanted her to know how truly sorry you were and that you regret ever speaking to her that way to make her feel bad.........and then leave her to decide her next course that she wishes to take....everyone deserves to be heard...when they say sorry and truly mean it....i hope it works out for you...best wishes....deb

 

Thank you. Yes that's basically what I did. I just told her I'm sorry for what I did, I hurt and embarrassed her, I'll give her her space, and that I hope I haven't seen her for the last time because of this. But since she hasn't responded to that, I guess it really is over. I don't blame her. I hope she finds a guy who treats her much better than I did.

[LostOnes05]

I mean did she give you an STD? If so, then you did have a right to ask. I don't know other details but I'm not really sure there is a good way to have the "I think you gave me something" talk. Get yourself checked out and try to relax about it.

[sandylee1]

I will; but when would be the best time to do this? She said she wanted space. If I contact her again so soon, won't I be violating her wish and forcing even further away? I can't believe I f**ked up so bad.

 

Apologies are always best straight away and ASAP.

 

What are your ages?

[sandylee1]

I deserve everything you said. I've basically showed her she can't count on me and she can't trust me. I betrayed her.

 

 

 

I sent her the message, but no response yet. One mistake I made is going to cost me my relationship. If things can't be repaired, I don't think I'll ever pursue another relationship again. Someone who would do what I did probably doesn't deserve to have a gf.

 

Good. Don't send anything else.

 

Even if it means you don't get back together ... you've formally apologised.

You can now give her space.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

Apologies are always best straight away and ASAP.

 

What are your ages?

 

I'm 28; she's 21.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

I'm so depressed about this.

[ExpatInItaly]

Just don't ever go there again. You insulted and humiliated her, in a major way.

 

Take it as a learning experience and move on.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

This is an update on the unfortunate situation I posted on last week.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/565790-had-fight-she-wants-space

 

I've re-established communication with her after a week of nc. She's still reluctant to take me back, but at least she's not ignoring me:

 

Me: Hey, I was thinking about you today, baby. How's your class going?

 

Her: It's keeping me busy.

 

Me: Well, I hope you aren't too overloaded. I think that class was the hardest one I took when I was a student. Do you think I can come see you soon? I miss you.

 

Her: Thanks. I don't think really see us hanging out in the near future.

 

Me: Because of what happened?

 

Her: Yes. You made me feel like crap.

 

Me: I'd feel the same way were I in your shoes. I don't know why I said what I did. All I can say is I can't be perfect all the time. Let me talk to you once in person, and if you still feel uneasy, I'll leave you alone for good.

 

Her: Maybe in a week or two.

 

Me: I've seen couples forgive each other for worse things. Remember how much fun we had. Like how you taught me to play Yahtzee. Or how I kissed you goodbye before I left for work. I don't want those moments to disappear over one mistake.

 

What's your interpretation of this conversation? Obviously, she's still very upset. But at least she's talking to me again. I like her, and I'm making an effort to patch things up with her. What to do?