2much4 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Assuming you get dumped, the dumper asks you for friendship, but you refuse and go NC because you are hurt. When you see them in public you blank them. Will this make them hate you? Will the dumper lose respect for you because you are imature and weak and still "hung up on them"? A dumpers perspective would be appreciated. I never had an ex go NC on me so I can't judge.
GorillaTheater Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Mad? Oh hell no, they're relieved. They likely played the "let's be friends" card in a misguided attempt to let the other person down as gently as possible but honestly have little desire to be friends. They know it would be awkward at best. The blanking afterwards may bother them, depending on how comfortable they are with other peoples' negative feelings towards them. 5
Wewon Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Assuming you get dumped, the dumper asks you for friendship, but you refuse and go NC because you are hurt. When you see them in public you blank them. Will this make them hate you? Will the dumper lose respect for you because you are imature and weak and still "hung up on them"? A dumpers perspective would be appreciated. I never had an ex go NC on me so I can't judge. Who cares? A person that sees nc as simply immature or weak either has never had a relationship of enough depth to matter is inherently lacks the ability to empathize. 3
jen1447 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I always try to extend genuine friendship, and the times it's been rejected I haven't been particularly offended. I figure it's what's best for them. If a dumper had a stake it in then I suppose they would be. Most offers aren't genuine tho. It's usually the '2 week waiting period' offer of transparent friendship, which is usually about as long as it takes to make a back door exit from their lives. Like GT says, those ppl are relieved if they get spurned, not offended. 1
Alamo657 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Assuming you get dumped, the dumper asks you for friendship, but you refuse and go NC because you are hurt. When you see them in public you blank them. Will this make them hate you? Will the dumper lose respect for you because you are imature and weak and still "hung up on them"? A dumpers perspective would be appreciated. I never had an ex go NC on me so I can't judge. If they have an inflated ego and a tendency to feel entitled of the attention of others, it'll brush their ego and anger them. If they have some experience in breakups and a less dependent personnality, they'll be releived because now the road ahead won't be hindered by their exs' regular and pathetic attemps at reconciliation. 1
mightycpa Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Assuming you get dumped, the dumper asks you for friendship, but you refuse and go NC because you are hurt. When you see them in public you blank them. Will this make them hate you? Will the dumper lose respect for you because you are imature and weak and still "hung up on them"? A dumpers perspective would be appreciated. I never had an ex go NC on me so I can't judge. Don't worry. They won't be thinking about you at all in no time. Count on that.
Methodical Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 IMO, most of the time extending friendship is a way to make the breakup seem less painful. It's just a means to an end on a hopefully less sour note.
elly key Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 When dumpers offer friendship, it means they are afraid to leave their comfort zone. They did it, they hurt your feelings by dumping you, but when they think that it can make things different for their everyday lives, they just try to keep things on their places. In addition, they justify themselves. It's like "I made a dare person hurt, but damn, I'm a good person since I keep talking to them in a good manner. So they can't be very hurt since I didn't leave them completely ". And sex. They still can count on that. My opinion is that a dumper who offers friendship doesn't understand the pain of a dumpee. They give dumpees hope because they are selfish. This rule is only applied if a relationship was deep.
DarkHorizon Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Dumpers only look for friendship so they can feel a little less guilt. And that "friendship" will only last until they feel redeemed. Then you get dumped FROM the friendship as well. Quick answer to the original question, with all due respect: Who cares? 1
Bo34 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 What dumpers don't offer friendship??? (It ain't nothing special) In the grand scheme of things, them offering friendship means little to nothing. It's never sincere and as others have said, it's for their own selfish reasons to justify their guilt. This is why you decline and never contact them again. That way, they can't justify by saying they didn't hurt the dumpee, and you end up keeping your self-dignity by establishing boundaries as well. You want them to remember you as their ex, not as some blurred line of an ex/friend....
jen1447 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Some seriously broad, baseless generalizations being trotted out here .... 1
Blanco Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 In my experiences, those who are capable of empathy understand and accept it. They are able to look outside themselves and see that, intentionally or not, they have deeply hurt someone they care about. In such a situation, "friendship" is a measly consolation prize that only leads to more heartache. I'm now great friends with an ex who showed this type of understanding. It took several years of minimal or no contact to get there, but I'm happy to say that we've made the transition from romantic partners to platonic friends. I have to think that her empathy for me in those rougher times helped a lot. I came out the other end respecting her even more than I already did. My last ex, on the other hand, has managed to turn my resistance to friendship into a personal attack on her. She jumped into a new relationship quickly. I assume they are still together, but that hasn't stopped her from reaching out every couple of months to facilitate communication. I'm just not there yet, and I've explained it to her; I don't hate or dislike her. It's just not wise to be friends at this point. Instead of seeing it from my perspective, she's tried to spin my stance on this into poor treatment of her. Never mind that I highly doubt her current partner would like it too much if I were suddenly texting her or seeing her at all. It's just best for all parties to remain distanced for now. Maybe years down the line, something platonic can happen. But I can say that her lack of empathy with this only reminds me of her lack of empathy on a number of things during our relationship. And that is only further strengthening my resistance to have anything to do with her.
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