I4givehim Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Unfortunately, my husband won't leave the house. This is going on a year now. I beg & plead with him to go. I remind him every day of what he did, said, took from me and our children during his A. Any time I have a trigger I text or call him and remind him of the awful person he is for doing what he did. I told him "I will never be with him or trust him again." He insists on staying..... I have looked into apartments for my children and I but I don't think it is fair that we have to move. I think he should leave. Financial he can NOT carry the mortgage by himself. I have no money at this time for a lawyer (I hope this years tax return will help with this problem). My question is do I shut up or keep reminding him EVERY DAY about his A??? I feel if I keep quiet he will be living a comfortable life. How did you get your WS out?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I have looked into apartments for my children and I but I don't think it is fair that we have to move. I think he should leave. Sounds like you can be right or you can be happy, pick one. If the situation really is unbearable, I'd be tempted to use the tax return to move. Your call. If you do see a lawyer, the court will eventually sort out your living situation. It comes down to your ability to persevere under present conditions while the process unfolds... Mr. Lucky 2
central Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) I think you'll need that lawyer, and file for divorce to get him out. If castigating him every day for the past year hasn't made him leave, nothing else will short of divorce. For his own protection, he is right not to leave until a legal agreement is in place. Since reminding him has no effect - except to either express your pain or increase your frustration - I guess it's up to you to decide what makes it easier on you. BTW, if you are doing any of this in front of the children, stop. Unless they are nearly adults, they should be largely unaware of the issue until there is some decision/resolution pending. Edited January 21, 2016 by central 1
higgsboson Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 All you need to do is go in front of a judge and tell that judge that "you are in fear for your life" and nothing more. The hearing will be ex-parte so you won't have to face him ( he won't even know the hearing is taking place) and a sheriff will serve and dispossess him on the same. Once he is out of the house, he will have a difficult time getting back in.
Trishern Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 You haven't made it unbearable for him to live there, hence he carries on, but it's a bit difficult to do with kids there. Do you cook for him? Do laundry? Do anything at all for him? if you do then stop. Go out with the kids and don't include him in your plans ever. A friend told me of her cousin (BW) who started calling her WH cheater rather than his name. Then when that still didn't make him budge, she pretended to start dating and brought her new man back home and introduced her WH, saying the STBXH that I mentioned who cheated on me. Then proceeded to go to her room with him and played the music fairly loud. She did this a few times and he moved out very soon afterwards. She did this when the kids stayed over at her mother's house, so they didn't see any of this going on. She was at her wits end. If it's not uncomfortable, he's not going anywhere. think of ways to make it uncomfortable for him. Not everyone would be brazen enough to do this, but she really wanted him out. Mrs T 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Why not file and let the judge deal with it.
MJJean Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Make living there as cold and uncomfortable as possible. Don't cook for him or clean for him. You plan your day and do your thing without notifying or consulting him. You don't chat or argue or text. Other than absolute musts, silence. If that doesn't work, you could get creative. If he's a light sleeper and likes his slumber, maybe take up vacuuming at 1 am. If your friends/family drive him batsh*t, invite them over for a get together and let them hang out til the wee hours. That kind of thing. Start dating when the kids can be away at a sitters. Remember, the opposite of love is indifference. As long as you're engaging him, he has no reason to take you seriously. He could interpret your constant reminders as you trying to get his attention and sympathy, which makes him think you don't really want him gone and that you're just punishing him for what he did. 1
Popsicle Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I think you should "shut up" until you are ready to file. He's not going to leave. Once you file, the courts will see to it that all of your assets and debts are divided and all financial and legal ties are severed, except for your children's custody and care.
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