sexybeast11 Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 my friend told me one of her ex's is off-limits. she said i can date anyone of her ex's except for him. well, of course, when i met him i was very attracted to him. he recently visited the town i'm at for the summer, and invited me to hang out with him and his friends (my friend provided my number to him). i asked my friend if it was cool if i hung out with him, she said sure, but nothing could happen. i had so much fun with him and his friends. he's such a cool guy and i can totally see why she still has strong feelings for him (they dated 2 years ago for a few months). he flirted with me, and i flirted with him a bit but tried to keep it pretty toned down. one night we went dancing, and i ended up dancing with him pretty intimately, but i didn't kiss him or anything. he told me he's interested in me in a kind of underhanded fashion, saying that he normally doesn't date a friend of a friend, but in this situation it really sucks. i told him he's off limits. that was it. he's moving far away from where i'll be anyway. but i'm irritated, b/c i really like him. i feel like he views my friend as a friend only. they dated such a long time ago, but she's still claiming possession of him. i guess time will tell - i may never even see him again. i feel like if i had told him i was interested and wanted to date him, he would have pursued me. but, i'm choosing friendship over a boy right now. what does everyone think? are friend's ex's always off-limits, no matter how long their relationship lasted and how long ago in the past?
New_Wife Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 I married an ex-friend's ex. It did end the friendship. The two of them dated over a decade ago (so longer than yours) but she still claimed him as her property only - even as she had long since married and had children (and was still married). You have to make your own choice here. I looked at my "frienship" with this person, and realized we weren't really much in the way of friends anyway, so it was worth the risk to me. In fact, it was a convenient out of a one-sided acquaintance in addition to an interesting relationship. But it sounds like if this guy is moving away, your loss might outweigh any potential gain in this one. You lose your friendship, and then your guy after he moves. Not a good deal by any standard.
shamen Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Amongst my close friends and I, all exes are off limits. It's an unwritten code. It's just not cool to do to your friends. Keep this guy far away from you, IMHO.
leeroy1985 Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 my gf is my friends (well i dont think were really friends anymore) ex and he hates it but im glad i did it because ive never been happier! The way i look at things is that would she of respected your wishes if the roles were reveresed? If you think she would then keep away from this guy because youve got a better friend. In my case though i know that my frie..... ex-friend would have gone with my ex against my wishes so why should i not be happy just because he'd be jealous! and thats all it really boils down to (IMO) jealousy! Why does it matter whether its you or the girl down the street that goes with this man? Hes a free agent and can go with who he wants, as are you! Hope this helps!!!
ziggue Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by shamen Amongst my close friends and I, all exes are off limits. It's an unwritten code. It's just not cool to do to your friends. That's the same with my friends and I. Wouldn't you hate him comparing you to your friend all the time too? That could happen a lot if you two start dating. I wouldn't recommend it. Then again if you don't mind loosing your friendship to this girl then you could think about persuing him.
D-Man Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 This is a big NO-NO and a surefire way to lose your friend!
Bunni Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I personally would never date a family or friends ex. Not my style and I think there is a code to follow, something you just don't do.. Sorry not the answer you wanted to hear.
VirginiaBob Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Two more of my rules: 1. Don't date your friends' exes. 2. Don't date your exes' friends.
Lonestar Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest. If your willing to end the friendship, then date him but don't expect your friend to be understanding. Also, be very prepared that if the relationship doesn't work out (and most don't), then you might hear that this guy is now back with your friend. She could be waiting in the wings for things to screw up, and then pay you back by dating him after you break up. It's messy. Stay away from things like that unless you're so in love that the bad possiblities are worth the risk.
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Two more of my rules: 1. Don't date your friends' exes. 2. Don't date your exes' friends. Bingo!
ggallin13 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 You made the right choice. Good job! That should make you feel wonderful, better than whatever relationship you could have had would have made you feel. I hope your friend appreciates what a good friend you are. I mean, you don't have to say anything about this to her, but she must know what a good friend you are and tell you that from time to time.
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