Chi townD Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I do apologize I should've made it clear that drinking was out of character for me. Up until Dec the 8th the 1 year date of my father's death was the first drink I had since 4th July and then super bowl in February I have drank in the last year. I do take full responsibility for drinking too much and for the wrong reasons. I did mention to her father I would speak to my Dr about depression and find a better coping mechanism also that I would never drink again. Drinking is something I really walked away from in my 20s. That being said will she ever speak to me again? Dude, I feel ya. I don't think you're an alcoholic, but I do think that you've been using it to mask your pain. I mean, you lost both of your parents and I don't think you've processed everything correctly. I would suggest that you find a counselor or a grief counselor to help you mourn the loss of your parents in a more proper and healthy way. Now, as far as your Ex is concerned; dude, there's no easy way to say this, but I think she was cheating on you. Therefore, you dodged a huge bullet. I mean, she takes her stuff and her dog and the very next day she's in a relationship with her Ex? Girls don't do that unless something is already there! She asked to move back in with her father, but only to discover that she moved in with another man? You also don't do that unless something is already there. Therefore, logic would dictate that while you were dealing with your loss, she was in communicate with this guy and becoming more and more emotionally attached to him and possibly even physically. I speculate when you made that romantic dinner for her on new years and she told you that she was going to dinner with "her friend" I speculate that this "friend" was actually the other guy. Therefore, she would rather go to him than be with you. and you deserve better than that. Trust me when I say this, you dodged a HUGE bullet. Better to find this out now rather than 5 years into a marriage with one kid. It's time to heal dude. Find a grief counselor and mourn the loss of your parents, but now you can mourn the loss of this relationship. There are girls out there that know how to treat a guy right. That will be a shoulder to lean on when things get tough and will be by your side even through the worst times and not run for the hills. It's time to start healing dude. 8
Author Snowyriver Posted January 26, 2016 Author Posted January 26, 2016 So she contacted because she received an email reminder on the maintenance on her engagement ring. I told her I got rid of the ring. That I didn't want to but it was torture. All the info I got from her was that she didn't like the binge drinking when it came to how I handled my emotional stress and couldn't see herself spending the rest of her life with someone like that and wouldn't expose her children to it (she doesn't have kids. We were trying). She did say when I was sober I was great but she isn't gonna come back. I told her I don't expect her to come back she said good to see we're on the same page. I Told her all I was expecting was for her to get to know me again without the drinking. She said shes proud of me for not drinking anymore but that doesn't change the things I said whenever I was drinking. I told her I'm taking good care of myself and learning to love myself and that I hope to some day show her....she went silent again.
Chi townD Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 So she contacted because she received an email reminder on the maintenance on her engagement ring. I told her I got rid of the ring. That I didn't want to but it was torture. All the info I got from her was that she didn't like the binge drinking when it came to how I handled my emotional stress and couldn't see herself spending the rest of her life with someone like that and wouldn't expose her children to it (she doesn't have kids. We were trying). She did say when I was sober I was great but she isn't gonna come back. I told her I don't expect her to come back she said good to see we're on the same page. I Told her all I was expecting was for her to get to know me again without the drinking. She said shes proud of me for not drinking anymore but that doesn't change the things I said whenever I was drinking. I told her I'm taking good care of myself and learning to love myself and that I hope to some day show her....she went silent again. Okay; to her, that probably sounded desperate and cringe worthy. Dude, if you make changes to your life, you make them for you and no one else. You only have control over one thing and that's YOU! 3
Itspointless Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 So she contacted because she received an email reminder on the maintenance on her engagement ring. I told her I got rid of the ring. That I didn't want to but it was torture. All the info I got from her was that she didn't like the binge drinking when it came to how I handled my emotional stress and couldn't see herself spending the rest of her life with someone like that and wouldn't expose her children to it (she doesn't have kids. We were trying). She did say when I was sober I was great but she isn't gonna come back. I told her I don't expect her to come back she said good to see we're on the same page. I Told her all I was expecting was for her to get to know me again without the drinking. She said shes proud of me for not drinking anymore but that doesn't change the things I said whenever I was drinking. I told her I'm taking good care of myself and learning to love myself and that I hope to some day show her....she went silent again. Once again I am amazed with her ego-centrism. Yes it was unhealthy what you did, but after loosing your parents, come on. Be glad that that you will not expose your future children to her.
Author Snowyriver Posted January 28, 2016 Author Posted January 28, 2016 I can't seem to shake it. I love her unconditionally. I talked to her dad who is a good friend of mine. He told to start hanging out with him again doing what we do. He said just leave her be. After a while you know her mother will be in her ear every day telling her how good you're doing. That's how we met. Her dad and I hung out all the time after about 4 months of that he asked me what I thought of his daughter. I told him hell it's your daughter I never thought about her like that. He then told me do you not notice everytime you're here so is she. I told him I just thought since her mom and her are such good friends and she lives next door. He told me nope she calls every day to see if your coming over and if I say no she makes me invite you. So yesterday he just said just wake up every morning and piss excellence bring your ass over here and ignore the hell outta her like you used to and I bet in a month or two she might decide to show up when she knows you're here and just be your same old self and by that time you may have moved on but either way you got my full support.
Author Snowyriver Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 So funny. So she's moved back in with the parents and left that guy. But what's funny is she goes out and gets a big ugly tattoo. She posts it to Facebook I guess to illicit a reaction from me. I don't say a word because I've decided I'm done. So I guess because I didn't say anything she txts me a picture of it. Backstory: she has a ton of tats but they can't be seen when clothed. Messed up thing is her real dad was a tat artist and practiced on her when she was just a kid. I had mentioned to her once I'm fine with her tattoos but I think she has enough. Told her that many times. So this tat comes on the day we were to get married. She sends it to me to try and provoke me? I just say we'll looks like you got something you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life that day anyway. I left it at that. I swear I don't know this person. I suspect drugs. 1
WomenWubber Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 "I don't say a word because I've decided I'm done." Simply not true. If it were, she wouldn't be in your social network and you wouldn't be posting here. "She sends it to me to try and provoke me?" Yes, and she has succeded. 2
Itspointless Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 "I don't say a word because I've decided I'm done." Simply not true. If it were, she wouldn't be in your social network and you wouldn't be posting here. "She sends it to me to try and provoke me?" Yes, and she has succeded. Bit negative isn't it? It does not seem to me that he feels worse after reacting. So I would like to say well done!
13Hearts Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) Regardless of what she was or was not doing, you have a problem with alcohol, whether the problem is once a year, once a month, or once a day. You're a binger, like me, and bingers are very difficult to deal with. I'm terribly sorry your parents died, I cannot imagine the pain, and I am going to be a depressed basketcase when it happens to me, but your parents' deaths and the holidays are no excuse for your horrible behavior and the way you treated her. You like to play God when you're drunk, and completely pull the rug out from under people weaker than you, and punish them for hurting you? She's not your problem, your pain is. Get yourself in therapy, get your butt to AA, and start getting your act together so that next December you don't destroy your life yet again. I hope you realize that you can't go around playing with people and their lives like they are little green army men. You turned her life completely upside down in a single sentence. I am just glad she was strong enough to find a place for her and her dog to live. As for her father who used his daughter to practice tattooing on, what a piece of ****. Stop focusing on her and start focusing on you. Edited February 7, 2016 by 13Hearts 1
Author Snowyriver Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 So I go to do my laundry today. I do it on Sunday because her office is right next door and her boss owns it. I didn't wanna do it during the week so that we wouldn't have to see each other. I also know because we've lived together for so long she will do hers there after work sometime during the week. I go in start doing my laundry and see her boss. I decided this would be a good opportunity to apologize to him for causing a scene at his place of business. He thanked me for apologizing. He tells me however he came in Friday morning and she had left him a note saying she quit. I was shocked. I asked if he knew why she would do that. He said that over last month she's just been very unhappy. We talked a bit more about our concern for her and parted ways. I go back to my laundry and look out the window and she's pulling up. I thought ohhh sh.. but she doesn't get out and come in her two friends do. I just go to the corner sit down and play with my phone. Apparently she had stuff in the dryers. The girls got it and left. I went and asked a person we mutually know from doing laundry there if she was in here earlier. She said yeah but they left to go get something to eat. I thought damn. I continue to do my laundry but over the next hour she drives by 6 more times. I don't get it. I don't know what to think.
Itspointless Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 So I go to do my laundry today. I do it on Sunday because her office is right next door and her boss owns it. I didn't wanna do it during the week so that we wouldn't have to see each other. I also know because we've lived together for so long she will do hers there after work sometime during the week. I go in start doing my laundry and see her boss. I decided this would be a good opportunity to apologize to him for causing a scene at his place of business. He thanked me for apologizing. He tells me however he came in Friday morning and she had left him a note saying she quit. I was shocked. I asked if he knew why she would do that. He said that over last month she's just been very unhappy. We talked a bit more about our concern for her and parted ways. I go back to my laundry and look out the window and she's pulling up. I thought ohhh sh.. but she doesn't get out and come in her two friends do. I just go to the corner sit down and play with my phone. Apparently she had stuff in the dryers. The girls got it and left. I went and asked a person we mutually know from doing laundry there if she was in here earlier. She said yeah but they left to go get something to eat. I thought damn. I continue to do my laundry but over the next hour she drives by 6 more times. I don't get it. I don't know what to think. You should find another place to do your laundry. 2
Author Snowyriver Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 Live in a town of 1600 people it's the only place
Author Snowyriver Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 Was just doing my laundry. She wasn't there when I arrived I live in a small east tx town. We got one laundromat one bank one store one red light and about 10 Baptist churches. 2
Author Snowyriver Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 I know I will constantly run into her. It makes the no contact rule hard. I want the best for her. I said I was sorry for what I did imeadiatly. I realized a couple weeks ago that was regret not a true "sorry" for her. No I do feel bad as if I forced her into a bad situation followed by a bunch of post break up bad decisions. I feel responsible for causing this to her. I feel bad and want to give her what she wants which is space. Let her forget me and do her best. I would leave but I have a very good job and the family home I inherited. I made a lot of bad decisions when I was her age. I just don't want to be a catalyst to her downfall.
VeveCakes Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 What makes you think her mood is because of you? She might be heart broken over a new man... You have no idea. Stop talking to her boss, her friends, her laundry guy. Buy a washing machine. Time to let it go. 1
Author Snowyriver Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 I owed her boss an apology for causing a scene at his place of business. It's the man thing to do. He volunteered all the extra info. Her friends have came to me.
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