renny Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I'm just curious to hear from a woman's perspective. When you break up with an ex, move on and become intimate with another man, does that help you get over the ex? Does it make moving on easier for you? Do you continue to have feelings for the ex? Please let me know your opinions Thanks
basil67 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I always found moving on quite easy because when I left the relationship, I was truly ready to be gone. Sleeping with a new guy can be a bit of fun, but makes no difference to the old relationship because that relationship is already history. 1
lolablue17 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I think it can help mainly to recover the ego, which is important to the dumpee. It also gives you something that occupies you, you know, something to do. However i don't think it helps emotionally. 4
2much4 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 It does help to get over the ex. If you're already healed enough. Like for example if you grieved the loss and just need one last push to move on for good. Then it's great. If you're not healed enough or even not healed at all....well, it can be pretty devastating.
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I was well and truly over the ex before I slept with anyone new. It was really weird though... Different people, old habits dying hard... It didn't "help" me get over the ex at all. It did teach me (or reiterate) that I am really REALLY not one for casual sex even if I do have a high sex drive! 5
Itspointless Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 It did teach me (or reiterate) that I am really REALLY not one for casual sex even if I do have a high sex drive! I recognize this as a man with myself. 2
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I recognize this as a man with myself. Annoying isn't it... 90% of the time I want to throw my knickers in the air and scream yahooooo! Doesn't happen though... Never mind. I live in hope. 2
acorym Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Speaking for myself, yeah, I've had opportunities since my ex-gf broke up with me to sleep with a woman and possibly make something new come about. At the time though, I knew that I was unable to put myself fully into that kind of relationship as the hurt and confusion was, and is to some extent, still there. To me, that would be unfair to anyone new in my life. For my ex though, less than 48 hours after she broke up with me she was already with her new boyfriend, a married man, who she had been "flirting" with. Cheating with. So, as most here would say, she had "checked out" of our relationship long before the break up and not allowing herself any kind of time apart or healing before moving on. Whether or not this helped her along, I couldn't say. One can assume that the issues she had with our relationship will arise one day in theirs, but then again, it's not my problem any longer.
Author renny Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Speaking for myself, yeah, I've had opportunities since my ex-gf broke up with me to sleep with a woman and possibly make something new come about. At the time though, I knew that I was unable to put myself fully into that kind of relationship as the hurt and confusion was, and is to some extent, still there. To me, that would be unfair to anyone new in my life. For my ex though, less than 48 hours after she broke up with me she was already with her new boyfriend, a married man, who she had been "flirting" with. Cheating with. So, as most here would say, she had "checked out" of our relationship long before the break up and not allowing herself any kind of time apart or healing before moving on. Whether or not this helped her along, I couldn't say. One can assume that the issues she had with our relationship will arise one day in theirs, but then again, it's not my problem any longer. Yeah, in a situation like yours, she's already moved in mentally. The sex just sealed it.
Author renny Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 It does help to get over the ex. If you're already healed enough. Like for example if you grieved the loss and just need one last push to move on for good. Then it's great. If you're not healed enough or even not healed at all....well, it can be pretty devastating. I guess as a man I understand why ex's continue to persue, even after it's been made clear by the ex girlfriend that the ship has sailed. Maybe sometimes as men, we bring more heartache on ourselves when the ex is forced to tell us brutal, honest truth about the new man in their life because we don't want to listen. I'm I wrong about this?
Toodaloo Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Different people move on in different ways renny. Some do go on to sleep with others fast, others don't. Some do feel that bit more strongly, others don't... What you have to do now is concentrate on you. Taking time to get over those emotions and feelings you are having. Go try out that new sport or see that new film you wanted to and spend time with friends and family. Its not easy but you do get through it and you do come out the other side. Just remember that the actions of one person do not mean that the rest of the world acts like that. Up your game and your standards with the next one. Treat yourself and others with dignity and respect - Then you are more likely to meet someone who treats you with dignity and respect.
CDJ Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 My ex-gf slept with someone after two weeks (might also have done it sooner for all I know; she let me find them together - I've made a thread about it in the 'Breaks and Breaking Up' forum, 'Amicable breakup became an awful one'). It was her idea that I go round to her flat that day I found her with the guy, who she has been with since. What was strange and also funny was that I told her that I had had the opportunity to sleep with someone just the day before, but didn't - she got very upset at the idea of me moving on, even though she just had! It hurt like hell knowing she'd moved on quickly, very emasculating. The thought tormented me and I found it difficult to have sex again for a while (I did it, but couldn't enjoy it). I wasn't wholly surprised she'd done it as she was a very sexual person, but the shock came mainly from the fact that she'd been contacting me in those two weeks like we were still together, and had told me she still loved me and missed me. She said she'd done it because she was feeling lonely and because we had been intimate for a while, which is fair enough (although I have my doubts as I think he was the reason we broke up). One thing I've learned from speaking to people is that there appears to be a misconception (certainly one that I held) that guys are more likely to do it than girls. I certainly thought that I'd be the first of us to move on sexually. From this misconception arises the emasculating feeling of your ex-gf sleeping with another guy. But the truth is that everyone is different and moves on in different ways, and gender has nothing to do with it.
Toodaloo Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 It hurt like hell knowing she'd moved on quickly, very demasculating. I have added the d I assume that is what you meant? Think of it this way. While you are now in a position to get a girl who will not do this to you, that guy has chosen to be with a girl who in all likelihood WILL do it to him... So you have walked away with your dignity and neither of them have... Being dignified is part of being masculine. Poking your penis into another mans woman/ women fresh out of relationships is the work of a scavenger feeding off of scraps... not terribly masculine is it... Hope that helps.
Itspointless Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 One thing I've learned from speaking to people is that there appears to be a misconception (certainly one that I held) that guys are more likely to do it than girls. I certainly thought that I'd be the first of us to move on sexually. From this misconception arises the emasculating feeling of your ex-gf sleeping with another guy. But the truth is that everyone is different and moves on in different ways, and gender has nothing to do with it. True, women are no different than men there. And some men and women are the complete opposite of this. Sometimes all those dominant misconceptions are annoying when confronted with it.
CDJ Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 I have added the d I assume that is what you meant? Think of it this way. While you are now in a position to get a girl who will not do this to you, that guy has chosen to be with a girl who in all likelihood WILL do it to him... So you have walked away with your dignity and neither of them have... Being dignified is part of being masculine. Poking your penis into another mans woman/ women fresh out of relationships is the work of a scavenger feeding off of scraps... not terribly masculine is it... Hope that helps. In the spirit of pedantry; no, the word is 'emasculating' (no 'd') - it means to deprive a man of his male identity, or to make him feel weaker or less effective! Anyway, what you said does offer some consolation; but I dare say he probably didn't/doesn't know that she was fresh out of a relationship, or indeed any of the details of what happened (pretty sure she would have told him I just turned up out of the blue). But to be fair I'm sure we're all guilty of not admitting misdemeanors from previous relationships to our new partners!
kielnug Posted January 26, 2016 Posted January 26, 2016 It didn't "help" me get over the ex at all. It did teach me (or reiterate) that I am really REALLY not one for casual sex even if I do have a high sex drive! This I too as a man can recognize a lot. It's really not too interesting to "just have sex", and it does to little degree change my feelings in itself. (If the feelings are there, though, the sex becomes important)
AMJ Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I guess as a man I understand why ex's continue to persue, even after it's been made clear by the ex girlfriend that the ship has sailed. Maybe sometimes as men, we bring more heartache on ourselves when the ex is forced to tell us brutal, honest truth about the new man in their life because we don't want to listen. I'm I wrong about this? Not wrong at all- it would be heart wrenching to hear an ex talk about their new lover, especially if you haven't moved on. I don't think this is a male-female thing, both sexes feel pain equally when in that situation. As to your OP, it really just depends on how much I cared about a relationship. After my worst breakup ever (not the one I just posted about on here, that was a pretty ridiculous relationship), I cried the first time I kissed another man. How bad do you feel for THAT guy? He's wondering why the hell I'm crying when he's trying to make out with me. Clearly I wasn't ready to move on yet, but I was hoping that being in a new relationship would help. It didn't help me at all. That didn't stop me from trying, however. It made me hurt more, miss my ex more. Even talking to men was painful. The first man I spoke to on the phone, I had met him online, I hung up and started crying. All I could do was compare an empty conversation to the hundreds of amazing conversations I'd had with my ex, which made me think about how much we loved simply talking to each other. I don't even want to think about it now, it's still sad. And that relationship ended 4 years ago. I think it's pretty natural for us to want to feel desired by someone new after a relationship ends. And I think it's pretty common for most women to dive right in and find a rebound. It doesn't always work, sometimes it backfires.
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