Wuku Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Most of us dumpee's have heard something similar to these phrases before, but what is your take on them? I can't be with you right now We don't know what the future holds I need time and space Never say never Etc etc Why are they open ended and not final? Are they always just breadcrumbs? Are they said because the dumper isn't 100% sure in their decision? Is it just a placeholder, keeping you on a string should they change their mind, or to keep you as backup? Are they said to make them feel better, or to come across a little less hard on you, let you down more gently? Or maybe they feel they really can't rule out getting back together because they still have feelings for you? I realise I'm overthinking things, and I'm going through that "what if" stage. My ex didn't, and doesn't seem to want to give me full closure. It would be much easier to move on if she did. She talks only in sentences like the ones above, and never says it's over, or she doesn't want to see me again (in fact she was fine about being in contact still) or says anything that is clearly final. She even says she still loves me. She is very careful with her wording, I've always said she should be a politician, she can answer something without giving you a firm answer. She will just say she is being honest, and that her answer reflects that. If something is finished, it should be made clear, not leaving the door seemingly slightly open. I have flat out told her I don't want to be hanging on a string, but she still doesn't commit to saying anything that seems totally final. How do you move past this false hope (or is it false?) stage, and stop thinking about it?
basil67 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I would assume that it is because the dumper isn't sure of their position. The way to move past it is to go No Contact. Tell her that you need to recover from the relationship and cannot be friends. Delete her from social media and block her on your phone.
Learningtowalkagain Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Those aren't open ended phrases. She is the dumper, she is either A) trying to let you down easy or B) knows she's screwing with your emotions but if things don't work out for her in the single life she may come knocking back at your door one day. I wouldn't count on option B happening. I would just move on, go NC, and forget about her. My ex and I just broke up a week ago, she was wishy washy, all I wanted was a straight answer. Finally I got mean and said some harsh words. She took my words really, really hard. But I didn't give a ****, she lead me on and she needed to know that behavior was unacceptable. Still now she tells me I love you, you're the only guy I've ever loved, and you were the only guy I considered a soul mate. I said to her if you didn't see a future with me, then just say so. I was pissed because she said all of those things and strung me along because she was unsure. Stop looking at her words and start looking at her actions. If she isn't contacting you or giving you straight answers, it's time to accept the reality that the relationship is over. I know that's hard to hear but you need to start the healing process. What I did: Blocked her number, deleted ALL text conversations, unfriended her, her family/friends from ALL social media. It's tough to do because you cared about this person for so long, but it's what needs to be done.
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