gingertea1955 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Hi, so it has now been 1 year, 2 months post break up. I have been in 9 months completely in NC. Some say it doesn't count because I sometimes go on social media and try to find stuff out and others say it does count because we have not talked at all. For the most part, I am happier and realized the relationship I was in was unhealthy. I was so dependent and didn't have a life outside of it. After the break up, I did nothing but work on myself. I worked out, got a hair cut, hung out with my girlfriends, reconnected with old friends, got a job, graduated college, and really found myself again. I found my independence and gained my dignity back. What is hard for me however, is when I go through setbacks. Is it normal after 9 months of NC to have moments of sadness and feel that I'm back where I started? He left me for someone else and my friends were surprised at how well I handled it. I became a stronger person for sure but I guess I just want to hear some stories of finding love again after getting your heart broken? How long did it take for you to feel comfortable going on a date with the opposite sex? I can't seem to put myself back out there in that kind of way again. I go to bars and clubs with girlfriends but I find it difficult for me to start dating again. Any stories of being a happier person and not caring about the dumper anymore? I just need some support and some advice that I will and can get through this.
angel.eyes Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Hi there! You will eventually get to the point where he no longer matters, and you no longer think about him. You just aren't there yet. But it's coming. How long will that take? Everyone is different, but tracking down what he's doing on social media is holding back your recovery. You're still going out of your way to keep him in your life in some form. NC means removing him completely from your life. Why is he still not blocked on social media? Recovery is never a straight line. Everyone has setbacks, but over time these become less frequent and shorter in duration. Stop cyberstalking him, and it will help with your setbacks.
Learningtowalkagain Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) Everyone is different, 9 months isn't out of the ordinary. You need to lay off the social media stuff, it's only making things worse. If you're friends with him on facebook or whatever you need to unfriend him asap. Pull the band aid off quick, at first it will sting, but in the long run it'll help. What you're doing now is prolonging your own torture. An ex and I recently got back together, she pushed her way back into my life, then decided it wasn't what she wanted a few months later. I unfriended her, her friends/family on everything and blocked her number. She must have realized I blocked her number because she sent me an instant message yesterday asking me if I'd like to 'hang out' some time. I declined and and said I don't want a friendship with her and we should both move on. It's what I needed to do to start the healing process. If he left you for someone else that hurts, and he's an ******* for doing that. How hard is it to just say I don't want to be in this relationship any longer and we should go our separate ways? People who cheat are selfish *******s. You'll find someone better once you're ready. I was cheated on after a 3 year relationship by my daughters mother. It was 6 years ago, it no longer bothers me because she's begged me to take her back on numerous occasions, but it did take a while to fully heal. As for when can you start dating again, everyone is different. Edited January 21, 2016 by Learningtowalkagain
Buddhist Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 What is hard for me however, is when I go through setbacks. Is it normal after 9 months of NC to have moments of sadness and feel that I'm back where I started? He left me for someone else and my friends were surprised at how well I handled it. I became a stronger person for sure but I guess I just want to hear some stories of finding love again after getting your heart broken? How long did it take for you to feel comfortable going on a date with the opposite sex? I can't seem to put myself back out there in that kind of way again. I go to bars and clubs with girlfriends but I find it difficult for me to start dating again. Any stories of being a happier person and not caring about the dumper anymore? I just need some support and some advice that I will and can get through this. Yes this is all very normal. The thing is, even in the most unhealthy relationships there are small moments where things are as we wish them to be. And it's those tiny snippets of bliss that we hang onto. The only thing that kills them is time and distance and 9 months isn't really long enough to get over them. They draw us back in periodically and have us asking the question.....what if. It's a normal part of grieving and letting go. Let it come, feel the feelings knowing that in the morning you will feel differently. And you probably do, am I right? The FB stalking is just you trying to find answers and closure. When you've been abandoned for someone else it's natural to want to know why? Was it something you did? Said? Was it because the other person was better looking than you and it was always going to happen etc...Asking that question why will go on for a little while until you find your own answers. The answer is, there was no real reason other than who that person was, it had nothing or little to do with you. It took me 4yrs to get over my own version of this relationship. You're doing a lot better than I was. 1
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