When do you stop being angry even though you think you are over them?

[RoxStar]

So I think I am over my now ex in a romantic way but I am still ticked with him about his lies. I am not still in love with him at all. I dont want to be his friend because I dont see the point. We have had limited contact unfortunately because he owed me a somewhat substantial amt of money (not a lot but enough that I didnt want to be out the cash plus it was for something that was his responsibility anyway). I dont plan on adding more contact and actually do anticipate going back to strict NC once his debt is paid off to me.

 

ANYWAY... When do you get over the feeling of disgust? I am literally revolted by him when I think about the lies he told me. I do not want to be with him any longer but I also dont know that I want to stay this angry. I have noticed that as my feelings have subsided the anger has somewhat subsided but not fully. Honestly I dont know that I really truly loved him to begin with. I think I loved the idea of us and our social circle which I have extricated myself from. That part was hard to get over but I have been busy and have had plans every weekend for the last two and a half months (I think thats how long its been) since this whole thing began.

 

I just dont want to feel so pissed because he lied to me. I hold on to that crap for some reason and not just with him. When I get betrayed or lied to I dont get over it quickly but I dont want to hold on to it though. Does that make sense?

[Merin]

Well Rox all I can tell you is when you're over him and I mean for real over him that he doesn't matter anymore, he won't be able to piss you off like that or push your buttons regardless of what he does..

 

While you may not want to get back together with him, at this point he is still able to inspire emotions from you... hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is... when you get to the point you just don't give a f"ck anymore and it doesn't make any difference of what was said or done... it becomes just that unimportant.

[RoxStar]

Baby steps I guess. Ity Bity baby steps. I just dont like feeling so annoyed and pissed all the time.

[reservoirdog1]

Roxstar, I know exactly what you mean. I think it's common, though, to get over longing for the person who lied to you and betrayed you long before you get over being pissed at them for what they did.

 

I would describe myself as being 95% over my desire to be with my ex-wife. But god damn it, there's still that 5%, that part of me that would actually have to stop and think if she asked me tomorrow if we could try again.

 

As for the anger, I'm something like 60-70% past that. Mostly I just don't want her in my life, which is impossible to implement totally because we have kids. She doesn't understand why I don't want to be friends. And lately her approach has been to turn on the charm and smiles (she's good at that). I don't give much of that in return, just enough to avoid getting dragged into an argument about why I'm not friendly enough. I just don't feel like I have much to say to her, except about the children. I'm not really interested in hearing about her life. And why would I want to hear about her boyfriend? Or her future plans? Especially when being around her just makes me annoyed?

 

As they say, the opposite of love isn't hate -- it's indifference. And that's what I'm shooting for, because when I reach that point, the anger will be gone and I just won't care anymore.