SSM3 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Hi Guys/Gals Hope you are well having a good 2016 so far This is just a quick one, I am trying to understand things with a girl I met online 2.5 weeks ago. In my early stages of dating other women we messaged each other throughout the day at the start but with this girl she doesn't seem to initiate text conversations, but when I send her a message she replies back within 10 minutes and usually asks a few friendly questions too! We have met up and that went well and we have spoken on text each day since, just a short conversation - which is fine. We've arranged to meetup again next week as this week she is busy and this weekend I am busy. I have never been the one to constantly initiate things on text, do I stop texting her and wait for her to message me or do I carry on doing what I am doing? I quite like this girl. Why is she not initiating conversation? Is it a mans job, do women not start conversation. I can't remember who initiated when we first started speaking Dating!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
lilmissjava Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 If you quite like this girl, why are you making an issue out of who texts who first? That's juvenile no? She responds in a timely manner and has agreed to meet up with you again. I see no problem here. I think you should overlook the "who texts who first" game. 3
Author SSM3 Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 If you quite like this girl, why are you making an issue out of who texts who first? That's juvenile no? She responds in a timely manner and has agreed to meet up with you again. I see no problem here. I think you should overlook the "who texts who first" game. Maybe, and I probably am. Just newish to this dating thing and when I was dated previously there was no online dating sites or things like Watsapp With other women I dated, early doors we messaged each other throughout the day early on but this one is different.
normal person Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 You risk overdoing it at this point. Stop texting her for anything that isn't practical, ex: to set up a time/place to go out or to exchange pertinent information. If she wants to text you in the meantime, she will. Then you can respond back however is appropriate.
hippychick3 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I usually did not initiate texts when I was dating even with the guys I was very interested in. No matter how much I liked a guy, I preferred he initiate texts and calls. Others may disagree, but that's how I am. So, it is very possible she is the same way. I would not change the pattern of your texting if you really like her. As long as she's responding fairly quickly and positively each time, it's good 1
Author SSM3 Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 I usually did not initiate texts when I was dating even with the guys I was very interested in. No matter how much I liked a guy, I preferred he initiate texts and calls. Others may disagree, but that's how I am. So, it is very possible she is the same way. I would not change the pattern of your texting if you really like her. As long as she's responding fairly quickly and positively each time, it's good She knows I like her, as I have told her. I've just messaged her to say hello if anything and she replied back within 60 seconds and we've had a little conversation but I'm going to leave it there. I don't want to build a relationship with her on text and I don't want to message her all day but it's just nice to say hello to someone during the day. It's just all new and exciting I guess!
Jejangles Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I personally find too much texting in the early days a turn off. I like in person dates! My ideal is we set up a date for whenever is convenient, then touch base as wanted by each person (every few days or so). I have to admit I do tend to let the guy initiate texts between dates 1 and 3 or so. It's not that I won't text, but more I will only text if I have something to share or ask him. Usually guys who have at least some interest in me will reach out to me, I rarely need to initiate texts (well until later when they start to fade, but that's a completely different thread!) I think as long as she is responsive and engaged whenever she does answer, you're all good. Put your attention to having a great date! 2
hippychick3 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 She knows I like her, as I have told her. I've just messaged her to say hello if anything and she replied back within 60 seconds and we've had a little conversation but I'm going to leave it there. I don't want to build a relationship with her on text and I don't want to message her all day but it's just nice to say hello to someone during the day. It's just all new and exciting I guess! If you want her to initiate texts, you should tell her. She probably would if she knew you would like that. Otherwise, I wouldn't assume lack of interest because she's not initiating. Look at her receptivity and willingness to go on more dates with you. Texting can be fun but doesn't take the place of face to face. I personally see it as a fun filler for in between. Good luck! 1
Author SSM3 Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 I personally find too much texting in the early days a turn off. I like in person dates! My ideal is we set up a date for whenever is convenient, then touch base as wanted by each person (every few days or so). Me too, a constant flow of messaging is a pain in the wotsit. I like just to touch base each day with a quick hello how are you or have a good day, that's it. I have to admit I do tend to let the guy initiate texts between dates 1 and 3 or so. It's not that I won't text, but more I will only text if I have something to share or ask him. Usually guys who have at least some interest in me will reach out to me, I rarely need to initiate texts (well until later when they start to fade, but that's a completely different thread!)Good, glad you said that I think as long as she is responsive and engaged whenever she does answer, you're all good. Put your attention to having a great date!I certainly will Jejangles I can't wait to see her again 1
IronZ Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 It's always been a frustrating issue for me as well while dating. Obviously you want someone who seems interested in you and wants to show it by initiating conversation. Nothing sexier than knowing I'm the first thing on a woman's mind and she just had to send a quick good morning text. I think that if it's going to work out for you then this will be a natural progression and both of you will equally initiate it. Just keep going for now and see where it leads. 1
LA Luv Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Hi, I think everything sounds solid in your communication so far (in the text message world that is;) If she is the more "old school" or "traditional" variety of woman, she will like for you to initiate contact first (be that text, phone call, asking for dates, etc.) It sounds as if she is respectful in getting back to you promptly. She also seems receptive to you wanting to talk to her, and going on dates, so my guess is, she is enjoying the interaction of you initiating, and her responding So why change, if it is working? Me personally, as a woman, I do want the guy to initiate 1st, as I'm "old school/tradtional". I always respond promptly when I am interested in a guy! I may take as long as 2-3 months until we are secure & established until I start sending the "Good morning!" texts without him initiating. I think you have nothing to worry about here, stay on course & good luck! 1
Author SSM3 Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 Hi, I think everything sounds solid in your communication so far (in the text message world that is;) If she is the more "old school" or "traditional" variety of woman, she will like for you to initiate contact first (be that text, phone call, asking for dates, etc.) It sounds as if she is respectful in getting back to you promptly. She also seems receptive to you wanting to talk to her, and going on dates, so my guess is, she is enjoying the interaction of you initiating, and her responding So why change, if it is working? Me personally, as a woman, I do want the guy to initiate 1st, as I'm "old school/tradtional". I always respond promptly when I am interested in a guy! I may take as long as 2-3 months until we are secure & established until I start sending the "Good morning!" texts without him initiating. I think you have nothing to worry about here, stay on course & good luck! Thanks for this, I'm just after re-assurance. Everyone is different which makes it more interesting trying to figure that person out. I don't want to pester her and bombard her with constant messages (not my style) but just to send her a quick message to say hello really (which lets her know I'm thinking of her ). Dating is more about tactics than a game of soccer now
Miss Peach Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I usually did not initiate texts when I was dating even with the guys I was very interested in. No matter how much I liked a guy, I preferred he initiate texts and calls. Others may disagree, but that's how I am. So, it is very possible she is the same way. I would not change the pattern of your texting if you really like her. As long as she's responding fairly quickly and positively each time, it's good I'm the same way. I find if things settle into a relationship it starts evening out more and more. But initially I do not initiate. BTW - Her asking questions back is good. That shows interest. 1
Author SSM3 Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 I'm the same way. I find if things settle into a relationship it starts evening out more and more. But initially I do not initiate. BTW - Her asking questions back is good. That shows interest. Why don't you initiate?
Author SSM3 Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 Result.....we are going out tomorrow night peeps!
Miss Peach Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) Why don't you initiate? Short answer: I want the guy who knows he wants me without me having to remind him I'm there. Long Answer: The difference between me and a lot of women out there is that I enjoy my life with or without a guy. I will not sacrifice my self esteem or respect to get a guy. We will be a good match or we won't be. It's not hard for me to find men so I'm perfectly happy in saying 'next' until I find a man who will treat me well even if I life the guy. I don't want to waste my time of guys who are poor matches or treat me poorly. I know a lot of guys interpret this behavior or treating a woman well as wining and dining. The reality is I am in a high paying profession so I really don't care about this from the financial perspective. One of my favorite dates was a guy who packed a picnic, took me to a park, and played a song on his guitar for me. It doesn't require money to treat someone well. I'm also happy to jump in with both feet once I know it's a mutual interest and we both want to go there. I will not put up with hot messes, push/pull, etc. In my experience when a guy doesn't initiate it means he's either not interested (or confident) enough to lead or he's a guy will will want me to lead the relationship. Neither of those are things I want at this point in my life. I'm also in a male dominated field and if I don't act that way at work (strong, powerful, leading) then it would hurt my career. I don't want to have to act that way when I'm at home. That is not the way I feel valued in my romantic relationships. So part of a match for me is the guy who is able to and enjoys taking the lead. Also I can tell a lot about how he communicates with me and schedules dates. If he is making an effort in getting to know me, wants to see me more and more frequently, respects my time, can plan ahead, etc. than I can usually gauge he is interested and can take more risks with him emotionally, sexually, etc. If he is contacting me last minute, late at night, going long periods of time without a good reason, etc. then going out will feel like they are putting me in the FWB or FB categories and I know to let it go and move on. Edited January 21, 2016 by Miss Peach 1
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