The D Train Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Curious how most affairs, cheating, etc were discovered? ConfessionOW or OM or their spouse disclose or confrontEmails, textsSTDCaught in the actFriends, word of mouthPrivate I or own investigationCaught in publicHotel or restaurant receiptsOther dumb luck I heard a story of a city councilman who was caught at the cheap motel with his mistress. He was discovered as there was a police chase where a man ran into this motel off a busy street and barricaded himself in the room. The police had to evacuate other guests and out walks the councilman & lady friend.
Chi townD Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 A lot of people already have a feeling that something seems....off in the relationship or marriage and they start to look into things. Some people stumble across it by accident. Either the cheater forgets to delete the messages off there phone. Or forget to log out of their facebook or emails and they get caught that way. 1
katielee Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I confessed. Saw way too familiar text on hubby's phone and he still denied. I did a recovery on his phone in front of him, saw more, and right hooked him. hired a PI to catch him with OW 2 and found him on top of her in the park. Yeah, trust has been hard. 2
ShatteredLady Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I knew that something was very, very wrong with my husbands behavior & investigated. When you've spent a lifetime intimately with someone you know that somethings 'off' even if betrayal of that magnitude is unimaginable. I would of been onto it much sooner if I hadn't been so sick & brainwashed that I was a worthless piece of poop. Receipt for Mother's Day flowers & then emails. These days when you buy flowers, wine etc. you get flooded with emails, special offers, requests for feedback "I hope XXXX enjoyed her gift!" etc. so even if you delete the incriminating order it is obvious that you've ordered something from that shop. 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I confessed. I believe that I could have taken my secret to the grave and John would never have known.... But I confessed. 1
pondhawk Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I knew something was off when my husband put his phone down every time I walked by him. I also knew something was off when he quickly minimized the web page he was on whenever I approached as he was on the computer. I did a search on our phone bill and discovered exactly who he was talking/texting to at ungodly hours of the day.
NotCamelot Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) You can look up my gory details here but, let's just keep it short. 1. Really bad feelings that something was wrong. 2. She started getting up really early to spend time on her computer. 3. My own investigation turned up fake email account and fake Facebook pages. After I got into those, it was all there in front of my crying eyes. (I hate Facebook) Edited January 20, 2016 by NotCamelot 2
Author The D Train Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 I confessed. I believe that I could have taken my secret to the grave and John would never have known.... But I confessed. Can you share his reaction? It must have been a shock if he had no idear.
Author The D Train Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 I knew something was off when my husband put his phone down every time I walked by him. I also knew something was off when he quickly minimized the web page he was on whenever I approached as he was on the computer. I did a search on our phone bill and discovered exactly who he was talking/texting to at ungodly hours of the day. They say there are indicators and acting funny around the phone is one. Also losing weight and taking more interest in one's appearance.
TrustedthenBusted Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I noticed like three times in a row that my wife would slam her laptop shut when I walked into the room. Suspected something big was up...but not an affair...and intalled a keystroke logger. I had hoped to find that she was spending too much money, or trash talking my mother or something. Oh what I wouldn't give for it to have been something like that. 1
Author The D Train Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 You can look up my gory details here but, let's just keep it short. 1. Really bad feelings that something was wrong. 2. She started getting up really early to spend time on her computer. 3. My own investigation turned up fake email account and fake Facebook pages. After I got into those, it was all there in front of my crying eyes. (I hate Facebook) Couldn't find the gory details but how did you discover the fake email & facebook accounts?
Author The D Train Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 If my wife had an affair it would be the biggest shock in the world and I am 1000% sure she would never do it. Have others felt that way only to be floored later when they found out?
oldshirt Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 If my wife had an affair it would be the biggest shock in the world and I am 1000% sure she would never do it. Have others felt that way only to be floored later when they found out? Every. Single. One. Of. Them. 2
NotCamelot Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Couldn't find the gory details but how did you discover the fake email & facebook accounts? My W started getting up an hour and half earlier than needed. She would go to her computer in front of house. Never had done this before. And if using it on her lap in the evening, she had started turning the screen away from me typing like crazy and smiling. After 5 weeks, she accidentally left a Facebook page on the screen (not logged in) when I surprised her by coming into living room 30 minutes earlier than I would normally be out of bed. She tried to quickly close out everything and went to get in the shower. I did a quick look at a few things, mainly usernames and URLs. When I got to work, I hacked into that FAKE Facebook page she had created, and found a secret email account, hacked into that. Read the emails and FB messages to and from him. I am an IT manager, so all this was pretty easy.
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) Can you share his reaction? It must have been a shock if he had no idear. He was shocked and very quiet. He sat in the rocking chair all night thinking and processing. The next day he went to my mothers and spent the day with her talking. I had told him that i told my mom first so she also knew. I told him I understood that he needed to do what was best for him and i would do whatever he wanted and ask for nothing if he wanted me to leave. He told me he loved me and he did not want me to leave..... That was 32 years ago..... Edited January 20, 2016 by Mrs. John Adams 1
Author The D Train Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 When I got to work, I hacked into that FAKE Facebook page she had created, and found a secret email account, hacked into that. Read the emails and FB messages to and from him. I am an IT manager, so all this was pretty easy. Yeah I would think you would not want to fork around with being sneaky if the spouse is an IT manager, Private I, FBI/CIA agent (remember the movie True Lies)
Author The D Train Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 He was shocked and very quiet. He sat in the rocking chair all night thinking and processing. The next day he went to my mothers and spent the day with her talking. I had told him that i told my mom first so she also knew. I told him I understood that he needed to do what was best for him and i would do whatever he wanted and ask for nothing if he wanted me to leave. He told me he loved me and he did not want me to leave..... That was 32 years ago..... As a woman, was there any one thing that triggered you to have an affair? I would think it would because the marriage is in the tank but maybe it doesn't need to be that bad to spur an affair.
wmacbride Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 All was fine, and we were planning a vacation, laughing about how much fun we would have, and how much we needed one. He told me that I deserved a break as I had been working really hard and was really stressed. It was like someone threw a switch. He started getting mean, making snide remarks, telling me he felt like he was doing all the work while I was doing nothing. If eh said he wanted to go out, and I would ask him for a phone number for where he would be if there was an emergency - our kids were small then and due a vision problem, I can't drive. He had always been fine with just giving it before, and I;d never had to ask. This time he didn't volunteer it, and started yelling and screaming that I was too controlling, didn't want him to have friends, etc. When he got home, he told me he "loved me but wasn't in love with me" and that he didn't think I understood him. He said we'd been having problems, and asked me to make a list of what I thought they were. I was really confused and incredibly off balance, but it finally dawned on me. He was using the computer when we got a call that he had to race to the phone to answer, and he forgot to log off the computer. A few clicks and I figured out what had been going on. 2
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) As a woman, was there any one thing that triggered you to have an affair? I would think it would because the marriage is in the tank but maybe it doesn't need to be that bad to spur an affair. Our marriage was fine...my husband was fine...my babies were fine....I was in a bad place mentally....I became selfish....and stupid.....and risked everything...to be a one time sexual conquest for a man who was a player....a fact I am very embarrassed about and have regretted for many years.....Something that if I could undo....I would....but I cant. So..... no a marriage does not have to be bad for a woman to have an affair. Edited January 21, 2016 by Mrs. John Adams 1
TX-SC Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 My first GF, 2.5 year relationship, age 19: She told me she was going Christmas shopping. Didn't get home until 1am. Her mom called me, frantic and in tears wondering where she was. She was sleeping with her 40 yo boss. I dumped her. There were many tears involved. This was before internet and cell phones were readily available (late 80s). Different GF, age 20: She cheated with a girl to see what it was like. I forgave her. A few weeks later she gave a random guy a BJ because he played guitar. She told me about it. I broke up with her and took up guitar. Fiancé, age 22, dated 2 years: she went to Germany (we live in the US) for a year as a study abroad. Again, this is before cell phones were common. She had a ONS with aguy in Germany. She told me about it and said she was sorry. I broke up with her and called off the wedding. I have very little tolerance for cheating and have never cheated on anyone. Been married for 20 years now and neither has cheated. 3
M1ke12 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 He was shocked and very quiet. He sat in the rocking chair all night thinking and processing. The next day he went to my mothers and spent the day with her talking. I had told him that i told my mom first so she also knew. I told him I understood that he needed to do what was best for him and i would do whatever he wanted and ask for nothing if he wanted me to leave. He told me he loved me and he did not want me to leave..... That was 32 years ago..... Your giving me hope that my wife would say something similar 32 years from now. That would put us at 54 years of marriage.
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Your giving me hope that my wife would say something similar 32 years from now. That would put us at 54 years of marriage. I have followed your thread...and your situation is very complicated. I hope you get everything you need and want. We were married 11 years when i had my affair...we have been married almost 44 years now. I am a lucky woman....i did not deserve my husband....but I am so thankful he is mine. 1
M1ke12 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I have followed your thread...and your situation is very complicated. I hope you get everything you need and want. We were married 11 years when i had my affair...we have been married almost 44 years now. I am a lucky woman....i did not deserve my husband....but I am so thankful he is mine. I would love to hear your contributions to that thread. Right now I don't even know how to act around her. If we keep it light I feel like we are pretending nothing happened. Heavy relationship talk stuff leads to anxiety and unease.
RySant Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 My first GF, 2.5 year relationship, age 19: She told me she was going Christmas shopping. Didn't get home until 1am. Her mom called me, frantic and in tears wondering where she was. She was sleeping with her 40 yo boss. I dumped her. There were many tears involved. This was before internet and cell phones were readily available (late 80s). Different GF, age 20: She cheated with a girl to see what it was like. I forgave her. A few weeks later she gave a random guy a BJ because he played guitar. She told me about it. I broke up with her and took up guitar. Fiancé, age 22, dated 2 years: she went to Germany (we live in the US) for a year as a study abroad. Again, this is before cell phones were common. She had a ONS with aguy in Germany. She told me about it and said she was sorry. I broke up with her and called off the wedding. I have very little tolerance for cheating and have never cheated on anyone. Been married for 20 years now and neither has cheated. Sigh, are there any guys like you still around?? It's hard to find a man who still has this kind of moral values.... let alone a gay guy for that matter. #Life 2
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I would love to hear your contributions to that thread. Right now I don't even know how to act around her. If we keep it light I feel like we are pretending nothing happened. Heavy relationship talk stuff leads to anxiety and unease. I have no experience with alcoholism and anti depressants....I try not to involve myself on threads where i really cannot contribute somewhat intelligently.... You have so many issues that I would not know where to even begin. You obviously need to get your wife the help she needs from qualified specialist...(and you are).... After you get through all that...you have to deal with her infidelities.... You have a lot on your plate...and the only thing i can tell you is...i am praying for your family...because it is really broken...and i don't know how to fix it and I am not sure anyone here can really help you...other than to listen and give you a place to vent.
Recommended Posts