heartbroken1357 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Hi all, So to cut things short I met this girl out on a weekend through a mutual friend. We clicked instantly, had a few drinks together she added me on Facebook etc, She danced with me took photos with me and was flirtatious. The next morning I was sat there thinking to myself, wow I need to message her. She was on my mind as soon as I woke up, within minutes I had an inbox from her!? I was shocked, I don't get much female attention and tbh I don't got looking for it. We exchanged conversation and numbers throughout the day and I called her that evening and asked her out to dinner she accepted without hesitation We had a really good night and meal, she opened upto me, we spoke about our interests and realised we had alot in common. At the end of the night around midnight I dropped her off home, she pecked me, And asked me to text her when I got home which I did., upon receiving that She said it was really nice to see me and it was good that I got home safely as it was icy, her friend also messaged me saying "She said she had a really good night and would like to see you again and that you're a nice guy" so thats reassuring. We arranged a second date which she backed out of as she had a long day At work and was tired, but said we could Re arrange in a few days as she is terribly exhausted during the week, the last few days her messages have been shorter but she will reply with the same emoticons and kisses after messages etc. Now I don't want to come on too strong but I would really like to see her again, I don't like messaging much so I'm thinking of just asking her straight out over the phone to dinner this weekend, girls/ladies do you prefer a guy to be direct and have a plan or message and ask you? Now to me the fact she messaged me first and told her friend she had a good time would indicate she's genuinely interested, however the dwindling in message content has got me sceptical, am I overthinking here? Thanks for reading
carhill Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 IMO, if she's interested in you, not to be confused with being interested in you being interested in her, she'll contact you to reschedule that date. Looking at this kind of stuff from the, whoa dated a lot of years cynical old fart perspective, this kind of behavior, IME, was the attention hoover hook. They'd come on strong to hook the fish, then set the drag a bit loose to play with them for awhile because, well, it's kinda fun. You know how she was on your mind and you wanted to go on another date with her? If it's mutual, her days won't be so long and tiring that she's got no time to plan another date with you. You'll be on her mind, not as an attention-providing device but rather as someone she really wants to get to know. Good luck! 1
Zippy2000 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Hard to tell as we dont know her and there is no timescale involved. What I can tell you is if a girl is interested she will want to spend time with you without hesitation. The very fact she also has sent you a message straigh away shows she is keen and isnt the type to play games and none of this 3 day rule crap. I ve dated many girls over the years and I ll tell you. the ones who are interested show you they are interested through their ACTIONS. Its not what they say but its what they do. The fact she said yes to anotehr date and was there shows she is interested. Good luck out there. You dont actually need our help. Just take it as it comes and keep asking and doing things together to see where it will go. 2
smackie9 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I agree to a point that a truly interested girl wouldn't cancel over anything BUT she may wanted to make sure she is at her best when going on a date, instead of feeling shi tty/moody/tired from a hectic day. If there is no other change than a cancellation then there isn't a problem. Just set up a date for Saturday and yes talk to her on the phone, it makes it more personal. 1
Mjm1014 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't try to arrange another date. You already asked her out and she turned you down because she was "tired." That could be legit, maybe she really did have a long day, but the ball is in her court now. She knows she cancelled and you want to see her, so back off a bit, play cool, and see if she reschedules. The biggest trap you can set yourself up for in this situation is coming on too strong or too anxious to meet up with her...I'm a straight shooter, like you, and want to know if a girl is into me or not especially if she sends me good vibes then cancel on a date..maybe she's afraid it will get serious too fast..if you ask her out again so soon, she may run completely. Exchange some texts this week, and give it another week. If she isn't hinting to hang out by then you should ask her out one last time. If she makes an excuse forget it 1
carhill Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Also, date other women. Over time, the compatible and interested ones rise to the forefront of both being on your mind and you on theirs and the others slip away, not in a bad way but rather just as part of life. When you experience women seemingly disappearing, this dynamic is often in play because, generally, you're one of many men they're either actively dating or entertaining thoughts of dating. That's one very innocent reason for lack of consistent interaction and changes of plans. Their social life is constantly in flux and their feelings about it constantly changing and you could be pick of the litter one night and the runt of the litter the next. Hence the old saying of not putting all your eggs in one basket, at least at this stage of the mating game. 1
Author heartbroken1357 Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 I've decided to play it cool, take a backseat and see if she contacts me as I've now been the initiatior, she knows I want to speak to her and see her again. 1
Buddhist Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Now to me the fact she messaged me first and told her friend she had a good time would indicate she's genuinely interested, however the dwindling in message content has got me sceptical, am I overthinking here? Thanks for reading Yes you're overthinking. Don't play msg tag with this girl. Circumvent that BS and call her to set up a date. The problem with msg-ing is that what's said is easily misinterpreted re-read, over-analysed and before you know it there are knee-jerk reactions all round the whole thing ends up in a death spiral. I swear to God texting people for anything other than confirming a date and time is the worst idea in the history of dating.
Otter2569 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Its a fine line between persuing and being a sucker and backing off and losing a good thing. Follow your gut. I agree that a totally interested person would almost never cancel on you so back it down and hope for the best.
Author heartbroken1357 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 She appears to have given me the cold shoulder now, we were discussing about a property she has been looking at and I gave her my advice and she seemed to take it the wrong way and became short with me, I apologised stating I was only offering her my opinion and she didn't reply and didn't call me lastnight saying she had work to do so I guess that's that!
Zippy2000 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I gave her my advice and she seemed to take it the wrong way and became short with me, Top tip. NEVER give a woman advice unless she asks for it. I used to do the same and found out that any input I gave would influence their decision and have something partly to do their decison whether it was bad or good and trust me if it turned out to be bad. You were the one to blame and believe it or not. One woman I dated even insinuated I was a control freak. Best thing is the give impartial advice. Dont read too much into it if she has nt caleld you. It was only last night and by the way things were going everything seemed to be on the go for you. Give it a couple of days for her to cool off. Probably you gave her rubbish advice lol. 1
Author heartbroken1357 Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Top tip. NEVER give a woman advice unless she asks for it. I used to do the same and found out that any input I gave would influence their decision and have something partly to do their decison whether it was bad or good and trust me if it turned out to be bad. You were the one to blame and believe it or not. One woman I dated even insinuated I was a control freak. Best thing is the give impartial advice. Dont read too much into it if she has nt caleld you. It was only last night and by the way things were going everything seemed to be on the go for you. Give it a couple of days for her to cool off. Probably you gave her rubbish advice lol. Yeah afterwards I realised my grave mistake! It's strange she went from giving all the signs being keen to being ignorant and not replying to me. She was looking to rent a property in the area she's moving too, the rent was quite substantial and I advised she'd be better off saving the money and commuting for a whole until she could afford a deposit for a mortgage, she's late twenties and always rented..
Zippy2000 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Well for me that advice wouldnt suit me. I hate commuting. She`s probably hacked off and thinking youre a control freak. lol Give her a couple of days to cool off to see if she will contact you. Stop worrying too much as this all happened last night. In future, listen to her first and if she wants your opinion. Ask her what she is looking for (in the property market) ask questions and then you can form an opinion from the information you have. Its a learning curve when you meet new people. You will get to know their personality, their tolerances and how long they take to snap or fall out. At least you know what to do with her. Stop jumping in and giving rubbish advice. hehe
WaitingForBardot Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Top tip. NEVER give a woman advice unless she asks for it. ... And if she does, recognize that when she does there is a right and a wrong answer. It is a test... ..lol.. And to the OP: It sounds like she may have been interested but changed her mind; people do this all the time. The clues are there, you read them correctly, you just need to develop more confidence in your assessments.
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