First Day NC

[Polar965]

Been dating off and on a man whom I loved. I loved, but probably not in a healthy way. He was a taker, emotionally and financially. Yes, I allowed it and shared in the dynamic. I don't blame him for the demise of the relationship, we simply are not meant for each other. I am more jealous/have stricter boundaries around others, he is very open, enjoys the attention of women and feels as long as he isn't having sex with them he isn't crossing the line. I needed to just accept that that is WHO he is (at least with me) and all that is going to happen is the same old cycle of jealousy and anger. There are women out there who are more open to this than I, and men who are more monogamous emotionally.

 

At his request, he wanted to come over last night. It kept getting later and later and finally I texted him and he was still at "band practice" with a single attractive woman. Instead of getting upset (at him), I just told him I was going to bed. I blocked his phone number, email and Facebook. I thought about sending him and email explaining things, but we've been down that road already and he spends many emails "explaining" things away. the bottom line is...this cycle isn't going to end. He is always going to want to be in the limelight receiving attention from women besides me, and I am always going to be jealous of those women. Instead of forcing change, it just needs to end.

 

 

I've never "ghosted" anyone before, but I feel like there are no words left. I feel like any attempts at "closure" will just prolong the weird connection we have, a connection based on physical attraction and similar life circumstances.

 

Anyway, it feels good to put it out there. I know the first day of NC feels empowering, but like withdrawal, it gets harder before it gets better. Wish me luck.

[PegNosePete]

Personally after a long-ish relationship I think you should send one final email explaining that your relationship is over and you don't want to see him again. Don't enter into a conversation. Just say it and ignore/delete/block any response.

 

That's what I'd do, anyway. I think if the relationship is longer than just a few casual dates, it is the respectful thing to do.

[Polar965]

I know you are right that a final email is the way to go, but I've been through the goodbye cycle too many times. He did email asking if I was ok after realizing his number was blocked. I just responded that if set him free.

[Satu]

No need for goodbye email number 27.

 

 

*No direct contact in either direction.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

Love or dysfunctional attachment?

 

There are many things that people call 'love,' which aren't love at all.

 

Here's a little test:

 

 

"Love is total commitment to a person's wellbeing."

 

 

If you can both meet that standard, its love.

 

If you can't, it isn't.

 

 

You decide.

 

 

Take care.

[spriggan2]

I don't know...unless you're confident he got the message you might wanna let him know. If a chick randomly blocked me, well depending on the chick, I might assume she was just mad temporarily, especially if you've been off and on a bunch.

 

However if you have definitively begun the healing process then I suppose don't bother. He sounds a bit like a douche, not worth continued suffering over.

Edited January 21, 2016 by spriggan2

[Polar965]

He is a bit of a douche.

 

I do feel good about vanishing on him. I confess that I looked at his FB one last time before blocking him. I don't know why...it is like rubbing salt in my wounds.

 

I just need to keep reminding myself why I decided to do this. There are major reasons it would never work out.

[PegNosePete]

I know you are right that a final email is the way to go, but I've been through the goodbye cycle too many times.

"Cycle"?

 

What I meant is, send one email. "It's over. For good this time. Please don't contact me ever again."

 

Then block.

 

Simples.

[Polar965]

"Cycle"?

 

What I meant is, send one email. "It's over. For good this time. Please don't contact me ever again."

 

Then block.

 

Simples.

 

 

Yes, done.