Shenz11 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Apologies in advance for the long and detailed post but this is something that I really need some outside views on. I would appreciate anyone who reads and gives any advice... I moved abroad for work last August where I have met a guy who I instantly and completely clicked with. After a couple more occasions of getting to know each other, he explained to me how had very recently been dumped by his girlfriend of almost 6 years, so he was healing and coping with that. He made it clear to me, and everybody else that he is not in the place foe a relationship right now, not even dating. I respect him, and so appreciated the situation he was in and told myself that I cannot expect anything from this guy any time soon, as much as I wanted otherwise. However, as time went on over the next couple of months we got closer as we spent a lot of time together outside of work, alone and in a group. He showed many signs of liking me as more than a friend - giving me many compliments, treating me differently to the other women that are in our circle etc. But he never made any move on me, despite the number of occasions when I truly felt he was going to but then bottled it last minute. One night - this is now in November - he offered me to sleep in his bed with him after a night out with our friends, so that I wouldn't have to sleep on the couch. I did, but he didn't make any move on me, once again, and we slept back to back. I was confused by his forwardness and coldness at the same time and after a little while over-thinking everything I decided to let go of anything I felt for him. I made myself believe he just didn't feel the same and I was exaggerating every sign I got from him before. I wanted to save myself the heartache of clinging on to something that never was. So, over the next few weeks I began to accept that we were just ever going to be good friends. It was a little awkward at first as I had to distance myself from him and we weren't really that close as friends for a short period but then I managed to distract myself from the thoughts of me and him and I was finally able to look at him as a friend. We then became really good friends and we talked about everything with each other again got closer on a friendship level like before. He told me he completely trusts me (and proved this by sharing a secret with me and asking for my advice) and that I can trust him to talk to him about anything, at any time. He has told me since this that he loves me, which I had grasped in a friend-way. I had even started giving him advice on a girl he had started dating over Christmas time. During the last few weeks I had been seeing a guy who is in our circle of friends and I had noticed him showing little signs of jealousy towards this. He began behaving forward with me again, and being slightly protective over me like he was a few months back. I tried to ignore it and saw it as a 'I don't want you but nobody else can have you either' kind of manner. But I guess the original feeling I felt towards him never actually died, I just hid it from myself to protect me. So, when things weren't working out the last couple of weeks with the new guy, I found myself becoming attached to him again, and he was becoming more affectionate towards me. Anyway, just last weekend we and a couple of other friends went out for a few drinks and I ended up in his bed again at the end of the night. We talked about everything and were up laughing and joking until after 6am, when we finally fell to sleep. I woke at 8am with him cuddling me, my back to him. When I turned around, he woke and just smiled at me and he kissed me. But it's this next part that has me writing this thread... We kissed for a minute and then he stopped and said he needs to tell me something. Then he went on to tell me how his ex, who dumped him last year just before we met is coming over to meet him next weekend as she wants to try and make it work again. I asked him out straight if he wants her back. He said he doesn't know, but he does know that he doesn't want to stop kissing me now. So, in the moment, I kissed him again and we ended up sleeping together. I had wanted him for so long and now that I got him, I want him so much more but I regret doing that knowing that he is going to see her in a few days and could possibly come back a guy in a relationship. The thought of being around him and not being able to touch him or be with him is heartache in itself. He was never going to be just a one night thing for me, he's so much more than that and now I know that I am more than that to him, so I don't know what to do next or how to act around him. I feel like I have messed up our friendship and now I don't know where I stand with him in a romantic sense. I want to just call him up and tell him how I feel and tell him not to try again with his ex but I genuinely want him to be happy and if it means getting back with her then that's what I want him to do. I have to just wait and see what happens but it is driving me crazy the thoughts of it! Please help!
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Cut Contact with him as much as possible. Do not sleep with him again, in the interim period between now and his meeting up with his ex. She will probably rebuff him, and it won't work. But this will just put him in a place of hurt and 'damaged goods' again. He's got some cheek though.... "I'm going to see my ex in the hope of reconciling. IN the meantime, I will have sex with you because I'm horny and I know you're up for it. " Tell him to tell his ex he has slept with someone a week prior to meeting back up with her. Of course, he will protest and refuse. Just shows where you are on his table of priorities.... What a creep. I'm sorry, but he is... Do NOT be an Option!! Salvage your dignity (Really, it was dumb of you to 'sleep' with him knowing he was going to see his ex... !) And don't have anything else to do with him.
angel.eyes Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Don't mistake horniness in a guy who has recently broken up for genuine interest. He had an itch and you scratched it. That's all. He has known you for a very long time and has never tried to date you. But he'll sleep with you since you're willing and he's between girlfriends. You're setting yourself for a world of frustration and hurt. You're hoping this turns into something meaningful, and unfortunately, he doesn't view this in the same light. indeed, he's off to meet with an ex now. 1
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