gingertea1955 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 So it has been 9 months of NC (broken up for 1 year, 2 months) after my ex leaving me for another women. I am happier than I have ever been. I do go through setbacks every now and then but I am always aware that I will be okay and that it is all part of what they call the healing process. This is what I am confused about. Why am I still stalking my ex and his "girlfriend"? I know I am happier and have better things coming way but sometimes I feel like like my world is falling apart that its hard to see me making any progress. Is my ex serious about his new relationship when he never asked her out? They do everything together, and she has informally met his family, they meet each other's friends and party together, but they are still not "officially" together. They have been seeing each other or at least there was some interest there before my ex broke up with me which was 9 months ago. I am sure they were talking before my ex broke up with me. Someone help me figure this out. I guess I just want to know if they are serious and if he will regret leaving me. When he first broke up with me, he told me he was seeing her because it helped him take his mind off me and that he liked hanging out with her? Its been over a year so why is it not official for them? They look like they are dating through social media but there are no "couple" pictures or couple comments anywhere. What does this mean to you? Is she a rebound?
Rocci di Persia Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I don't think you've been doing NC properly if you are still stalking their social media and that is most likely why you feel you have not made progress. You shouldn't know anything about what is going on in your ex's life and progress is when you no longer care. Do yourself a favour if you can't help yourself from checking and just block him everywhere so you see nothing. 2
Chi townD Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Yeah, I agree. You're not in true NC if you're glimpsing at his social media. That means you still have a connection into his life. So, going into a true NC and make positive changes to your life and stop wondering what he's doing with his. 1
mightycpa Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 What they said. To help you find a little strength to pull the plug on your stalking, I'm going to offer this to you. Your exBF broke up with you because he was interested in somebody else. It wasn't a rebound. A rebound is when you get dumped, and you're the one who misses the other person, so you go find a temporary substitute. Once your head clears, you dump the rebound, and move ahead. He didn't get dumped. You did. She's no rebound. If you got a new BF today, HE would be the rebound. Will he stay with her? It sure doesn't seem like it. If he doesn't will he come back to you? I don't that's true either. For better or worse, you're history to him. The sooner you act like it, the better off you'll be, 1
renny Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 So it has been 9 months of NC (broken up for 1 year, 2 months) after my ex leaving me for another women. I am happier than I have ever been. I do go through setbacks every now and then but I am always aware that I will be okay and that it is all part of what they call the healing process. This is what I am confused about. Why am I still stalking my ex and his "girlfriend"? I know I am happier and have better things coming way but sometimes I feel like like my world is falling apart that its hard to see me making any progress. Is my ex serious about his new relationship when he never asked her out? They do everything together, and she has informally met his family, they meet each other's friends and party together, but they are still not "officially" together. They have been seeing each other or at least there was some interest there before my ex broke up with me which was 9 months ago. I am sure they were talking before my ex broke up with me. Someone help me figure this out. I guess I just want to know if they are serious and if he will regret leaving me. When he first broke up with me, he told me he was seeing her because it helped him take his mind off me and that he liked hanging out with her? Its been over a year so why is it not official for them? They look like they are dating through social media but there are no "couple" pictures or couple comments anywhere. What does this mean to you? Is she a rebound? I think your problem is simple. Youre not being honest with yourself. You're not truly happy, and you're not moving on. Let me give you some tough advice here Because I feel for you, and the pain you're going through 9 months NC? He's done with you. It's much easier for the dumper than the dumpee to move on, especially if they've met someone and entered a new relationship that can distract them from the pain and fill the void. I can tell by your words that youre hoping that perhaps your ex's relationship is a fluke, he'll come his senses, leave the other woman and come back to you. Remember, he dumped you, which means whatever interest he had in you is gone. Stop obsessing about your ex, your just hurting yourself, and making it harder to meet and move on with a man that May truly be the one for you. 9 months has been long enough. Yes things with your ex's new girl may not work, or they may become inseparable couple. Its time to stop following him, pick up the pieces and begin your own new chapter.
marky00 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 This is why full NC doesn't work for all types. You have been trying NC (excluding social media following) but you've made it a self-imposed punishment almost so you tend to fantasize and idealize etc. Its seems for most people NC is the ticket, but for a few people its the not the be-all and end-all. For instance breaking NC and finding out someone is in a relationship will sting a lot. The upside but is you will wont get a shock in the future and no need to ever think about social media stalking. You know all you need to know. I think you either need to go full NC or go the limited contact approach after say 2 months post BU (just as a means of getting a reality check if u need it) Sounds like you went 90 percent NC, which is probably why your still stuck.
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