Dumpers: What do you think of Clean Break-Ups?

[Liono84]

The Clean Break-Up vs Blurred Lines:

 

I haven't been on LS in awhile, but I just had this thought pop up in my head. The reason I ask is because I see so many of both my friends and people on LS who remain friends with their ex's who dumped them long after the break-up. Of course, this doesn't mean they're true "friends" in the truest sense of being "buddy-buddy" and hanging out with the other, but they're friends on social media. Sure, after about a month or so of contacting one another either for reconciliation chances or support or checking tabs or whatever else via phone/text dies down, they don't keep in contact anymore, but they still have open line(s) of communication. A common example is seeing people who are still friends with an ex on Facebook or Instagram. They may not call/text one another anymore, but I know of many people who have remained friends with their ex's after months, sometimes even a year after a breakup. They still "Like" each others' pictures and occasionally will even make a comment here and there. Perhaps, this may increase the chances of reconciliation since the lines are still open - Jealousy may arise, or they may be constantly reminded of them and their whereabouts, or worse, regret when one sees the other person moving on at a faster rate or has self-improved, , but from a dumpers point of view, does this not make the dumpee look less desirable??? Maybe it's just the opposite as a friend of mind pointed out to me, but I would think it be rather weak.

 

From my experience, anytime I have been dumped, I have always gone NC from the initial get-go. Of course, I've tried to go out of my way in making sure the Dumper know that this was solely their decision and that it did not have to end this way during the breakup event by all means possible, but once done, I've cut them off completely. That meant deleting their number, texts, emails, pictures and blocking them on Social Media from the beginning. Although very painful indeed, I've definitely found out that this is the easier route in regards to the healing process for me.

 

I'm not sure if Dumpers prefer one of the other. Perhaps, as mentioned by a few of my friends, breaking up but still keeping lines of communication open does increase the chances of two people getting back together since it's a constant reminder of the other person and in today's day of age with social media integrated in the daily fabric of our lives, it becomes sort of, a "Blurred Line." - Or perhaps, it's just the opposite, in that you always wonder what the person who was dumped is up to and you may respect how they kept their self-respect and dignity as that was the last you remembered them.

 

Just my 2 cents and was curious for some others feedback.

[mightycpa]

It was always easier on me with a clean break. I didn't have to worry about begging, drunk dials, endless explanations, jealousy, etc. and I never wondered what the exes were doing. Besides that, I either usually had a specific new girl in mind, or I just wanted to sport**** for a while. Either way, the ex might put a damper on that.

 

As a dumpee, I did the same. Clean break. I always assumed that my dumpers felt the same way, it never occurred to me that they might actually be thinking about me. I always thought I was doing all the thinking!

 

Bottom line: I always broke up with a purpose in mind, and it was never so that I could continue hanging around my exes. Out with the old and in with the new!

 

Happy New Year!

[renny]

The Clean Break-Up vs Blurred Lines:

 

I haven't been on LS in awhile, but I just had this thought pop up in my head. The reason I ask is because I see so many of both my friends and people on LS who remain friends with their ex's who dumped them long after the break-up. Of course, this doesn't mean they're true "friends" in the truest sense of being "buddy-buddy" and hanging out with the other, but they're friends on social media. Sure, after about a month or so of contacting one another either for reconciliation chances or support or checking tabs or whatever else via phone/text dies down, they don't keep in contact anymore, but they still have open line(s) of communication. A common example is seeing people who are still friends with an ex on Facebook or Instagram. They may not call/text one another anymore, but I know of many people who have remained friends with their ex's after months, sometimes even a year after a breakup. They still "Like" each others' pictures and occasionally will even make a comment here and there. Perhaps, this may increase the chances of reconciliation since the lines are still open - Jealousy may arise, or they may be constantly reminded of them and their whereabouts, or worse, regret when one sees the other person moving on at a faster rate or has self-improved, , but from a dumpers point of view, does this not make the dumpee look less desirable??? Maybe it's just the opposite as a friend of mind pointed out to me, but I would think it be rather weak.

 

From my experience, anytime I have been dumped, I have always gone NC from the initial get-go. Of course, I've tried to go out of my way in making sure the Dumper know that this was solely their decision and that it did not have to end this way during the breakup event by all means possible, but once done, I've cut them off completely. That meant deleting their number, texts, emails, pictures and blocking them on Social Media from the beginning. Although very painful indeed, I've definitely found out that this is the easier route in regards to the healing process for me.

 

I'm not sure if Dumpers prefer one of the other. Perhaps, as mentioned by a few of my friends, breaking up but still keeping lines of communication open does increase the chances of two people getting back together since it's a constant reminder of the other person and in today's day of age with social media integrated in the daily fabric of our lives, it becomes sort of, a "Blurred Line." - Or perhaps, it's just the opposite, in that you always wonder what the person who was dumped is up to and you may respect how they kept their self-respect and dignity as that was the last you remembered them.

 

Just my 2 cents and was curious for some others feedback

 

Let me Tell you something. Giving an ex space and distance is what a lot of people say you should do, in the hopes that she'll miss you and come back. It can also backfire horribly. Because many times that space youre giving them is giving another person an opportunity to move in and take your place. Trying to be friends after a breakup can cause her to lose respect and interest, and if anything, move on even faster. Your not a challenge anymore. I'm in the middle of a breakup with my ex, and another guy is trying to get her. I refused to ride the sidelines and just watch stuff happen. I intervened so now after a passionate kiss and some frank talk, we're spending the coming weekend together, and i plan on pleasuring her body to the point she won't see straight. Just remember, when it comes to getting an ex back, nice guys finish last.

[Alamo657]

My opinion is that i don't want to witness them moving on without me when i'm the dumpee, and i don't really truthfully care about them when i'm the dumper.

 

So either way, i cut contact, unfriend, unfollow, untag, supress mementos from my sight.

 

When someone dumps you it means : "i'd rather be close to someone else". So the immediate aftermath is a clean separation.

If both parties are eager to remain friends without romantical expectation, kudos for them, me? i can't.

 

Friendship is more probable after some time has passed and everyone has truely moved on.

[contel3]

I guess I prefer a clean cut. Sometimes I will wonder what they're up to and have some pleasant memories about them.

 

If they hang around I will lose respect for them and be annoyed at their begging, pleading, angry outbursts.....I end up being pissed at the mere thought of them.

 

The hanging around on facebook type (without any other communitcation!) is also pretty nice. I don't have to talk to them but I never miss them because I can always check their facebook and check what they are up to. When I keep them on facebook I get over them even quicker than if they cut all lines of communication. I don't feel rejected and don't have to deal with any guilt.

[BikerAccnt]

It really depends upon how/why you break up. If it's amicable, and you've both decided it's time, if you can handle remaining friends with them on social media, I see no reason why not to.

 

 

It's really an individual thing, and also individual to each relationship. I've had ex's I've kept in touch with, and some I haven't. Each is different.

[Toodaloo]

With those with whom I was friends before, we gave it a shot and it didn't work we are still friends. Not in each others pockets but friends. It took time and effort to go back to friends in each and every case but was worth it in the end. It is difficult because break ups hurt even if its mutual and neither of you want the relationship, it still hurts. Worse is when you are causing a good friend that pain and you know it so there is invariably some bickering and snide remarks that you both just have to let go and you both have to be sensible to know when you are just lashing out and when the other is too and ignore it. Its hard work.

 

Those I was not friends with before, I am not friends with now. Clean break and no chit chat. Hasta la Vista baby!

[marky00]

Generally speaking,

 

Dropping off planet earth (i.e. becoming a ghost) peaks interest the most, so if your harboring reconciliation, that needs to be followed to some degree.

 

However, you need to break contact occasionally if reconciliation is ever going to happen. No contact forever = No relationship.

 

This is called the push-pull theory. You pull them in with your NC (aka Silent Sandwich) but occasionally push with your very occasional breaking of contact.

 

Its dam hard work, which is why most people don't do it.

Edited January 20, 2016 by marky00

[jen1447]

I'm friends with most all my exes. ("Friend" being relative and mainly meaning not totally out of contact and to some degree available for friend level stuff.)

[magnolialove]

I think I prefer a clean break because I tend to waver and idealize after the relationship is over, and if we were to remain friends, I might be tempted or persuaded to go back, even if I don't truly want the person. I think it might be harder initially, but for my own peace of mind I think a clean break is best. Now I just hope I can keep this in mind for my impending break-up

[DarkHorizon]

What an excellent post. What you are wondering is quite valuable to all of us.

[Liono84]

What an excellent post. What you are wondering is quite valuable to all of us.

 

Thank you. It's just an observation I've come across. Although there is no right or wrong way to go about it, and there are always exceptions, from my personal experience in life, it's usually been the following; If you got dumped and you want to heal, and not just heal, but heal at a much faster rate, you should cut all lines of communication and NEVER look back. (DELETE/BLOCK). For one, you keep your self-respect and dignity. Also, over the course of time and no contact, this decreases chances of possible reconciliation since time becomes the ultimate obstacle. So much time goes by, that not only do you heal as a dumpee, but even if the dumper may have strong 2nd doubts/regrets, too much time has passed bye. You are also playing in the favor of the odds, since reconciliations that last, are always rare.

 

However, if you got dumped and strongly desire a reconciliation, then keeping some sort of open line of communication at a limited level is more desirable for reconciliation to occur since the dumper can see/be reminded of you, your progress, your self-improvement, and this can bring feelings of strong jealousy and/or regret. But it is a two-edged sword since it takes a much longer time for the dumpee to heal because you are continuously reminded of your past and your ex. (For Example, you can still be friends on social media, but you'll have to see about their where-abouts, life, comments, statuses, possible new suitors) and furthermore, even if this does lead to a reconciliation initiated by the dumper, the odds are that it won't last. The fact is relationships that last for the long haul, usually don't involve a breakup to being with. Sure, there's exceptions to the rule, but for the most part this is the case, and by you choosing this path, you certainly are playing against the odds.

[Gretzky99]

Thank you. It's just an observation I've come across. Although there is no right or wrong way to go about it, and there are always exceptions, from my personal experience in life, it's usually been the following; If you got dumped and you want to heal, and not just heal, but heal at a much faster rate, you should cut all lines of communication and NEVER look back. (DELETE/BLOCK). For one, you keep your self-respect and dignity. Also, over the course of time and no contact, this decreases chances of possible reconciliation since time becomes the ultimate obstacle. So much time goes by, that not only do you heal as a dumpee, but even if the dumper may have strong 2nd doubts/regrets, too much time has passed bye. You are also playing in the favor of the odds, since reconciliations that last, are always rare.

 

However, if you got dumped and strongly desire a reconciliation, then keeping some sort of open line of communication at a limited level is more desirable for reconciliation to occur since the dumper can see/be reminded of you, your progress, your self-improvement, and this can bring feelings of strong jealousy and/or regret. But it is a two-edged sword since it takes a much longer time for the dumpee to heal because you are continuously reminded of your past and your ex. (For Example, you can still be friends on social media, but you'll have to see about their where-abouts, life, comments, statuses, possible new suitors) and furthermore, even if this does lead to a reconciliation initiated by the dumper, the odds are that it won't last. The fact is relationships that last for the long haul, usually don't involve a breakup to being with. Sure, there's exceptions to the rule, but for the most part this is the case, and by you choosing this path, you certainly are playing against the odds.

 

Interesting post, i must say but dont u think the opposite is actually true, too?? When you go NC and never reach out to them or respond after months go bye, this makes the dumper admire you and they get attracted to you because they're not so sure if they can have you back, again? And as human beings were always more attracted to things we dont necessarily think we can have

[mightycpa]

Dropping off planet earth (i.e. becoming a ghost) peaks interest the most...

piques, actually. Sorry for the troll, but I couldn't resist.

[mightycpa]

Interesting post, i must say but dont u think the opposite is actually true, too?? When you go NC and never reach out to them or respond after months go bye, this makes the dumper admire you and they get attracted to you because they're not so sure if they can have you back, again? And as human beings were always more attracted to things we dont necessarily think we can have

But that's the part you're missing. As dumpers, not only do we know that we can have them, but we have already had them and we found them wanting in some way.

 

It's one thing to think you can never have that beautiful Corvette. But if you've driven one for a while, and then you get rid of it because of the cost, or because you want to drive an Acura NSX now, you're probably not going to crave that Corvette for a long while. If you got a minivan for the kids, you may remember it fondly, but it doesn't compare to watching them eat McNuggets in the back seat and not having to worry about the leather. The itch for the Corvette has already been scratched, and you're a fully inducted member of the Corvette Club already. On to greener pastures!