Can the relationship really be salvaged?

[Jim nine three]

Hey guys,this is gonna be a long post but I would like to thank in advance anyone who reads and takes the time to reply to it.I would really like to get some perspective on this because I really can't make up my mind about being right or wrong.

 

So,I (21) was in a relationship with this girl (19) for 3,5 years.She was an amazing sweet girl with which we had a great chemistry.Everyone though we would end up married one day .We really loved each other and for the most part,aside from the casual couple arguments everything was going smooth.At some point I had to leave my country for 6 months to work abroad but my girlfriend couldn't come with me.Thing is,while I was away she started hanging out with some new "friends".I found out much later on one of those friends was an ex of hers and some of the other ones told her things like I didn't really love her and that I would break her heart and such.So,months go by and I return to our town.We spent summer holidays together and everything was going well,or so I thought.After some time,things started going downhill.She started acting extremely jealous of my (male) friends for some reason and seemed unhappy with me most of the time.A couple more months of this go by and she ends up telling me that she loves me but wants us to have an open relationship from now on so she be alone for some time.Truth is,she told me later on that she liked a guy and was thinking of trying having an affair with him.Of course,I rejected her proposal telling her that it is either a relationship or nothing at all between us.She chose the latter,which crushed me but after a couple dates and me pretty much begging her to change her mind,we end up back together.

 

I thought that our problems had gone away and our future would be bright,but boy was I wrong.I was still trying to get over the fact that she risked our relationship because she simply liked someone else and she does it again!A month after we got back together we go out and she gets drunk.She gave her phone number to a guy right in front of me!I was shocked,however the guy saw that we were together so he told me and deleted her phone number.And while I appreciated what he did,it was her behavior that I could not tolerate.We ended up having an argument over this and eventually solved this problem.However,the damage was done,so many things in such a small time period kind of broke the trust I had in her.So a couple more months go by and things get even worse.After all this she is the one distrusting me,having everyday arguments about me not going out with friends and such.Eventually,we get to a point where fighting was the only thing we did and I couldn't take it anymore.I tried to make things turn for the better multiple times but nothing changed in her behavior.Also,I suspected she was cheating on me the last month of our relationship,which she kind of confessed herself,so I decide to break up with her.

 

She was heartbroken by me decision,but I could not pretend I was alright after everything that occurred.And even though we split up,we kept really close to each other.Some months down the line,we kept on getting closer to each other again.I decide to tell her I was thinking of us getting together and leaving everything that happened behind us,since we still loved one another.She also told me she was thinking about it,but we should take it slow this time around.I agreed so we started dating again.Some time after that,she goes to visit these new "friends" which studied in another town.Turns out,she was having an affair with one of them while we were broken up .After she told me,I got mad and when she returned,we had a conversation where I basically begged and pleaded for her to come back.She told me that she can't do that because her trust in me was gone.What a load of BS.The truth is,her "friend",the one she had an affair with,they ended up having a relationship when she went to visit.She told me we could remain friends only which I rejected because my feelings for her were too strong.

 

A couple weeks of us having no contact go by and I call her to wish happy birthday.The very same night she shows up at my home drunk.She tries to have sex with me,which I rejected because I respected her condition.Then,she confesses she still loves me and misses me so much but she can't be together with me because I would not be able to handle her "new self".Oh,also because she was in a relationship with the guy said above.I didn't know how to react after what I had heard.I decided to drive her home because she was not in a condition to go there by herself.The next day she was hospitalized due to alcohol poisoning for the next couple of days after the incident.I immediately went to visit her to make sure she is alright.She seemed to appreciate what I did for her.However,after that her behavior went cold again.We talked and hung out regularly but nothing was really being said about all this.Eventually,one night we were out I got drunk and confessed everything to her,again.She rejected me again but this time she was even more harsh.She told me she is not in love with me anymore and that she does not want to get back together.My heart was broken once more and this time I decided to accept the situation as it is and move on.I apologized for my behavior and walked away.I had no intention of ever speaking to this girl again,even though I still love her.

 

A week goes by of me not talking to her and then all of a sudden she texts me.This time around,she is much more sweet towards me and always initiates contact.Lately,she acted jealous after she found out I went on winter holidays with my friends and she sometimes flirts with me.She also told me to go out for drinks,which I did a couple of times,but nothing really happened between us.I can't really understand what she wants from me,though my gut tells me she wants to keep me hung up in case nothing better comes along or she ends up alone.

 

Can this relationship be salvaged or is the situation beyond repair? Truth is,the more time I spend writing the details on this thread the more I come to the realisation that this is not worth it,I have suffered way too much from this girl.Love is supposed to make you feel good about yourself and the one you love,this in not the case here obviously.However,the girl I started dating before all this was everything I could have asked for,my dream girl if you like,and I would love to have our original relationship back.Is that even possible?Especially after all this?And if not,what could she want from me acting this way?

 

At this point I want to thank anyone who took the time to read my story and wish you the best!

[Chi townD]

Hey guys,this is gonna be a long post but I would like to thank in advance anyone who reads and takes the time to reply to it.I would really like to get some perspective on this because I really can't make up my mind about being right or wrong.

 

So,I (21) was in a relationship with this girl (19) for 3,5 years.She was an amazing sweet girl with which we had a great chemistry.Everyone though we would end up married one day .We really loved each other and for the most part,aside from the casual couple arguments everything was going smooth.At some point I had to leave my country for 6 months to work abroad but my girlfriend couldn't come with me.Thing is,while I was away she started hanging out with some new "friends".I found out much later on one of those friends was an ex of hers and some of the other ones told her things like I didn't really love her and that I would break her heart and such.So,months go by and I return to our town.We spent summer holidays together and everything was going well,or so I thought.After some time,things started going downhill.She started acting extremely jealous of my (male) friends for some reason and seemed unhappy with me most of the time.A couple more months of this go by and she ends up telling me that she loves me but wants us to have an open relationship from now on so she be alone for some time.Truth is,she told me later on that she liked a guy and was thinking of trying having an affair with him.Of course,I rejected her proposal telling her that it is either a relationship or nothing at all between us.She chose the latter,which crushed me but after a couple dates and me pretty much begging her to change her mind,we end up back together.

 

I thought that our problems had gone away and our future would be bright,but boy was I wrong.I was still trying to get over the fact that she risked our relationship because she simply liked someone else and she does it again!A month after we got back together we go out and she gets drunk.She gave her phone number to a guy right in front of me!I was shocked,however the guy saw that we were together so he told me and deleted her phone number.And while I appreciated what he did,it was her behavior that I could not tolerate.We ended up having an argument over this and eventually solved this problem.However,the damage was done,so many things in such a small time period kind of broke the trust I had in her.So a couple more months go by and things get even worse.After all this she is the one distrusting me,having everyday arguments about me not going out with friends and such.Eventually,we get to a point where fighting was the only thing we did and I couldn't take it anymore.I tried to make things turn for the better multiple times but nothing changed in her behavior.Also,I suspected she was cheating on me the last month of our relationship,which she kind of confessed herself,so I decide to break up with her.

 

She was heartbroken by me decision,but I could not pretend I was alright after everything that occurred.And even though we split up,we kept really close to each other.Some months down the line,we kept on getting closer to each other again.I decide to tell her I was thinking of us getting together and leaving everything that happened behind us,since we still loved one another.She also told me she was thinking about it,but we should take it slow this time around.I agreed so we started dating again.Some time after that,she goes to visit these new "friends" which studied in another town.Turns out,she was having an affair with one of them while we were broken up .After she told me,I got mad and when she returned,we had a conversation where I basically begged and pleaded for her to come back.She told me that she can't do that because her trust in me was gone.What a load of BS.The truth is,her "friend",the one she had an affair with,they ended up having a relationship when she went to visit.She told me we could remain friends only which I rejected because my feelings for her were too strong.

 

A couple weeks of us having no contact go by and I call her to wish happy birthday.The very same night she shows up at my home drunk.She tries to have sex with me,which I rejected because I respected her condition.Then,she confesses she still loves me and misses me so much but she can't be together with me because I would not be able to handle her "new self".Oh,also because she was in a relationship with the guy said above.I didn't know how to react after what I had heard.I decided to drive her home because she was not in a condition to go there by herself.The next day she was hospitalized due to alcohol poisoning for the next couple of days after the incident.I immediately went to visit her to make sure she is alright.She seemed to appreciate what I did for her.However,after that her behavior went cold again.We talked and hung out regularly but nothing was really being said about all this.Eventually,one night we were out I got drunk and confessed everything to her,again.She rejected me again but this time she was even more harsh.She told me she is not in love with me anymore and that she does not want to get back together.My heart was broken once more and this time I decided to accept the situation as it is and move on.I apologized for my behavior and walked away.I had no intention of ever speaking to this girl again,even though I still love her.

 

A week goes by of me not talking to her and then all of a sudden she texts me.This time around,she is much more sweet towards me and always initiates contact.Lately,she acted jealous after she found out I went on winter holidays with my friends and she sometimes flirts with me.She also told me to go out for drinks,which I did a couple of times,but nothing really happened between us.I can't really understand what she wants from me,though my gut tells me she wants to keep me hung up in case nothing better comes along or she ends up alone.

 

Can this relationship be salvaged or is the situation beyond repair? Truth is,the more time I spend writing the details on this thread the more I come to the realisation that this is not worth it,I have suffered way too much from this girl.Love is supposed to make you feel good about yourself and the one you love,this in not the case here obviously.However,the girl I started dating before all this was everything I could have asked for,my dream girl if you like,and I would love to have our original relationship back.Is that even possible?Especially after all this?And if not,what could she want from me acting this way?

 

At this point I want to thank anyone who took the time to read my story and wish you the best!

 

 

 

 

Dude, run. She has no idea on how to be in a relationship. I PROMISE you that she's been cheating on you this whole time. I knew right when you wrote that she asked you for an open relationship. Dude, she was already cheating on you at that point. She wanted to open up your relationship to ease the guilt.

 

 

You said that you two argued A LOT! Let me ask you this. If you think back on it, would you say that the majority of those arguments were started by her? I'm guessing your answer is yes. See, it's easier to cheat on someone if you're mad at them. It's easier to justify your actions. She was probably saying to herself, "I wouldn't be doing this if Jim wasn't being such a jackass!"

 

 

Dude, she is too young and too immature to be in a relationship. You're in your 20's and she is still a teenager. I think it's time for you to let this one go and find a girl in her 20's that know how to handle a relationship and is mature enough to be loyal.

[Jim nine three]

You are right,she was the one initiating the arguments accusing me for all sorts of weird things most of the time,especially during the "open relationship" period.She broke my trust on multiple occasions in the last year of our relationship

 

Loyalty is an important factor for me in a relationship,and after all this I don't think she is the loyal type anymore.

 

It saddens me however because this was not the case when our relationship started.