sam88921 Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 What do women want when they start complaining just about everything? Do you want us guys to comfort you? Or start complaining with you.... Can you give me a crash course on what women want from their men, and what reactions they would like to see? Thanks
alphamale Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 they just want u to listen and do nothing else except maybe sympathize. don't solve their problems or you will automatically go into the dreaded "friends zone".
Merin Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Alpha's right when he says she doesn't really want you to solve her problem, she just wants you to listen, hate the people she hates LOL and tell her she's right.
crazy_grl Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale they just want u to listen and do nothing else except maybe sympathize. don't solve their problems or you will automatically go into the dreaded "friends zone". That's true. Except for me, the guys who try to solve my problems don't go into the 'friends zone'. They go into the 'shut up and don't tell me what to do zone'. I hate it when guys try to tell me what to do when I'm just venting and not asking their advice. I know I tend to do the same thing, and I'm actually working on trying to not always offer a solution unless asked for one, because I find it so irritating. I'd hate it from girls too, but most don't usually do that.
alphamale Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Alpha's right when he says she doesn't really want you to solve her problem, she just wants you to listen, hate the people she hates LOL and tell her she's right. See MERIN....I do know a bit about women
Marshbear Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale they just want u to listen and do nothing else except maybe sympathize. don't solve their problems or you will automatically go into the dreaded "friends zone". Right on Alpha. This is exactly what they want.
Merin Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale See MERIN....I do know a bit about women
lindya Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by sam88921 What do women want when they start complaining just about everything? Do you want us guys to comfort you? Or start complaining with you.... Thanks If the complaint's a serious one, comfort. If it's fairly trivial, participate in the bitching session with glee - but in a funny way to help us lighten up about it.
BrotherAaron Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Make her feel good, man. Listen, then lighten the tone with some humor, get her smiling again.
Syncerity Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 i like for my fellow to listen....comfort me, crack some jokes, and tell me everything is goin to be alright.. and if i ask wha to do, he gives me sound advice on what i ask..and then kiss my heart like its a boo boo and watch willy wonka and the chocolate factory with me
moimeme Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 That's true. Except for me, the guys who try to solve my problems don't go into the 'friends zone'. They go into the 'shut up and don't tell me what to do zone'. I hate it when guys try to tell me what to do when I'm just venting and not asking their advice. I have never understood what the point of 'just venting' is. If there's a problem, fix it. If you want help to fix it, talk to someone else about it. Otherwise, STFU. I never 'just vent'. If I'm talking to you about a problem I have, I *want* ideas from you because I'm about solving problems. And no woman I know is a 'just venter'. Thank god!
wowzers Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 What a woman wants is: -respect, thoughtfulness, caring, space, a listening ear (only when wanted), a friend.... and someone who puts the tiolet seat down, don't choo know that the germs from the toilet jump onto your toothbrush if that bowl is not shut?
beesknees Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by Syncerity i like for my fellow to listen....comfort me, crack some jokes, and tell me everything is goin to be alright.. and if i ask wha to do, he gives me sound advice on what i ask..and then kiss my heart like its a boo boo and watch willy wonka and the chocolate factory with me so cute! i like my man to listen to me, empathize, and always be on my side!
NTB Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme I have never understood what the point of 'just venting' is. If there's a problem, fix it. If you want help to fix it, talk to someone else about it. Otherwise, STFU. I never 'just vent'. If I'm talking to you about a problem I have, I *want* ideas from you because I'm about solving problems. And no woman I know is a 'just venter'. Thank god! i knew it.............i agree with what alpha said to certian extent ,some women want comfort others want there problems solved............i think it all depends on the lady some you can make laugh and it is all good but others will look at you like "what do i have you for if you can't help me".......
moimeme Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 [color=blue]I think it all depends on the lady [/color] EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
crazy_grl Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme I have never understood what the point of 'just venting' is. If there's a problem, fix it. If you want help to fix it, talk to someone else about it. Otherwise, STFU. I never 'just vent'. If I'm talking to you about a problem I have, I *want* ideas from you because I'm about solving problems. And no woman I know is a 'just venter'. Thank god! Well, usually I get annoyed because a lot of the ideas I get from people are things that I've already considered and discarded. It's just going over the same thing again with no reason. Unless I'm asking for input, 90% of what I get back from people is utterly useless. If they had something unique and insightful to add, I'd be happy to hear it, but usually it's not. Of course, I try not to let on that I find it annoying, but I still do. I guess the point of the venting is both to get the feelings out just to let go of them and act on a cool head and to get a feeling for whether I'm being completely irrational and unjustified. If someone thought that I was being ridiculous, I'd want them to tell me.
Naive Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by sam88921 What do women want when they start complaining just about everything? Do you want us guys to comfort you? Or start complaining with you.... Can you give me a crash course on what women want from their men, and what reactions they would like to see? Thanks Gosh, I know that we are difficult!!! I don't even know what to say women want because we are all difficult in our own unique ways. All I can tell you is GOOD LUCK
noname Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme I have never understood what the point of 'just venting' is. If there's a problem, fix it. If you want help to fix it, talk to someone else about it. Otherwise, STFU. I never 'just vent'. If I'm talking to you about a problem I have, I *want* ideas from you because I'm about solving problems. And no woman I know is a 'just venter'. Thank god! what's that sound? it sounds like the voice of reason:-) it gets a little tough for men trying to sort out when exactly we are expected to talk and when to shut up, when exactly you are not going to get attacked for trying to help solve a problem that was not supposed to be solved in the first place. i am so glad to hear that there is someone out there that really means it when they present a problem and ask for help. i guess it must just really depend on the woman. but i tell ya moimeme, i think i like your style...
crazy_grl Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by noname what's that sound? it sounds like the voice of reason:-) Doesn't sound like the voice of reason to me. Just sounds like a different perspective. it gets a little tough for men trying to sort out when exactly we are expected to talk and when to shut up, when exactly you are not going to get attacked for trying to help solve a problem that was not supposed to be solved in the first place. Um... guys do the same thing. Some want you to give them an answer, some just want you to listen. i am so glad to hear that there is someone out there that really means it when they present a problem and ask for help. i guess it must just really depend on the woman. I think it also depends on the situation. If something's hopeless and having been over every possible outcome, you know there's nothing you can do that wouldn't result in an equally s***ty result, there's nothing you can do but vent a little so that you feel better and know someone else can identify. Then you can more easily accept the lesser s***ty outcome and move on. To me, there's nothing more irritating or insulting than someone offering me a blantantly obvious answer when I never asked them for one - as though I'm not competant enough to think of it myself. I don't think people should assume that other people want them to solve their problems or do any more than lend a friendly ear unless they ask for that or have shown in the past that that's what they want. How irritating would it be if every time you made a comment about your day like, "Oh, my headlight went out on my car, and the stupid cop gave me a ticket instead of just a warning." everyone started giving you their advice on how to talk to cops and avoid getting tickets and how to replace your headlight or what mechanic to take it to. Those are obvious things, and maybe the cop was just a d!ck. Offering a solution would just be condescending, especially if it was done every time something was brought up. Not every situation/problem someone mentions requires the listener to present a solution. Obviously that doesn't apply to situations/places like this forum, because this is designed to be a place for advice not venting. When someone comes here, it's reasonable to assume that they're looking for a solution. Whether you're (general you) willing to admit it or not, you probably do occasionally just vent your problems. I'd be surprised if you didn't, as I've never met someone who hasn't at one time or another. Some just do it more than others, and I agree that when someone does it all the time, it gets bothersome.
moimeme Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 To me, there's nothing more irritating or insulting than someone offering me a blantantly obvious answer when I never asked them for one - as though I'm not competant enough to think of it myself. Well see that's where we differ. I'm a fairly bright chick and have tons of ideas, but I'm never averse to group-think. There's always the possibility that even I (lol) may not have come up with a 'blatantly obvious' idea simply because there are vast quantities of knowledge out there and not everyone possesses all of it - not even me So if I have a problem and someone offers a potential solution, that's great. I'm the same when I'm driving - if you tell me about the car that's headed my way - I'll love you to death. With all that's going on out there, it's entirely possible I was attending to another car coming another direction and you may have saved us both. In this day and age of road rage and terrible drivers, I'll take all the eyes I can get. So maybe it's about one's attitude to teamwork or not. To me, if you're thinking together to solve a problem, you may well come up with a better solution. And if someone offers some ideas you've already considered - so what? But then I don't usually think people assume I'm too dumb to solve my own problems so I don't interpret their assistance as an insult.
HokeyReligions Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by sam88921 What do women want when they start complaining just about everything? Do you want us guys to comfort you? Or start complaining with you.... Can you give me a crash course on what women want from their men, and what reactions they would like to see? Thanks Don't do anything. Listen and agree. Let us vent. Don't patronize (and sometimes trying to solve a problem seems partronizing to some women) An exclamation of "I'd love to bash his head in for you" when complaning about a boss or customer, etc. is sometimes helpful. When winding down, try a few words of comfort "I feel so helpless and I don't like seeing you hurt" is pretty good. Have a chocolate bar handy, but she can't eat alone--you have to have a chocolate bar too. Skim milk if that's what she usually drinks (gotta cut those calories somewhere!) When she stops pacing and or gesturing with her hands and begins to calm down, put your arm around her. If she's receptive, cuddle & hug. If not, DO NOT put your hands up in a 'give up' manner (thats patronizing) just whisper sincerely "I'm sorry" and let her keep venting. Use the time to plot out your next level on your video game, or re-run a fight scene in an action movie through your mind---but DO NOT let her catch you at this. You have to develop this 'half-paying attention' skill so that she thinks you are hanging on her every word. PS: Complaining about something is NOT the same as asking for advice or an answer to a problem. And not every complaint requires a solution, nor is there a solution for every complaint.
lindya Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Whether you're (general you) willing to admit it or not, you probably do occasionally just vent your problems. I'd be surprised if you didn't, as I've never met someone who hasn't at one time or another. Some just do it more than others, and I agree that when someone does it all the time, it gets bothersome. Some comedians make a real art-form out of venting. If done well, with wit and with the knowledge of when to put a sock in it, it can be pretty entertaining. I don't mind people venting if a) it opens up potential for an interesting/funnyconversation or b) they're open to exploring their feelings for being so angry. Also, if something really s*** has just happened to a friend then I'll certainly be prepared to lend an ear. People do need to just sound off sometimes before they manage to calm down and think rationally. The sort of venting that gets to me is the "I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do.." followed by endless "yes, buts..." to every piece of advice that is given.
noname Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Doesn't sound like the voice of reason to me. Just sounds like a different perspective. Um... guys do the same thing. Some want you to give them an answer, some just want you to listen. I think it also depends on the situation. If something's hopeless and having been over every possible outcome, you know there's nothing you can do that wouldn't result in an equally s***ty result, there's nothing you can do but vent a little so that you feel better and know someone else can identify. Then you can more easily accept the lesser s***ty outcome and move on. To me, there's nothing more irritating or insulting than someone offering me a blantantly obvious answer when I never asked them for one - as though I'm not competant enough to think of it myself. I don't think people should assume that other people want them to solve their problems or do any more than lend a friendly ear unless they ask for that or have shown in the past that that's what they want. How irritating would it be if every time you made a comment about your day like, "Oh, my headlight went out on my car, and the stupid cop gave me a ticket instead of just a warning." everyone started giving you their advice on how to talk to cops and avoid getting tickets and how to replace your headlight or what mechanic to take it to. Those are obvious things, and maybe the cop was just a d!ck. Offering a solution would just be condescending, especially if it was done every time something was brought up. Not every situation/problem someone mentions requires the listener to present a solution. Obviously that doesn't apply to situations/places like this forum, because this is designed to be a place for advice not venting. When someone comes here, it's reasonable to assume that they're looking for a solution. Whether you're (general you) willing to admit it or not, you probably do occasionally just vent your problems. I'd be surprised if you didn't, as I've never met someone who hasn't at one time or another. Some just do it more than others, and I agree that when someone does it all the time, it gets bothersome. "voice of reason" i was saying it with a chuckle. i maybe should have said that it was in jest. i agree with what you say as far as being annoyed when you don't want a answer. and i listen willingly. in fact i am a big advocate of just listening and not offering any help until asked specifically. i guess my comment was more how frustraing it is when the person asks for help and then doesn't want it and how hard it is to read when it changes. didn't mean to step on any toe) i'm sure some guys do it too. you are right i do do it. but i start off with my intentions. i say i just want to vent or i don't need help i just need an ear. something like that so the person knows off the bat. when i need help, i say i need help.
moimeme Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 and sometimes trying to solve a problem seems partronizing to some women Apparently. I guess the trick for a guy is to figure out if this is the sort of woman you're dealing with.
crazy_grl Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by noname "voice of reason" i was saying it with a chuckle. i maybe should have said that it was in jest. Oh. Sorry. I didn't realize. I wasn't angry or anything though. Just trying to debate a point. I think my tone online often comes off as more upset than I really am. So, sorry if it did then. i agree with what you say as far as being annoyed when you don't want a answer. and i listen willingly. in fact i am a big advocate of just listening and not offering any help until asked specifically. i guess my comment was more how frustraing it is when the person asks for help and then doesn't want it and how hard it is to read when it changes. I agree if someone asks for help they damn well better be prepared to accept the advice. They don't necessarily have to do it, but they ought to give it consideration. Otherwise, they're just wasting the other person's time. you are right i do do it. but i start off with my intentions. i say i just want to vent or i don't need help i just need an ear. something like that so the person knows off the bat. when i need help, i say i need help. Sounds like a good approach to me, especially when you're doing major venting. That way the person knows what you're expecting from them. Unfortunately, not everyone says what they want/expect and some don't even know.
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