FiguringitoutinFL Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 My ex-fiancée broke up with me in January after being together for four and a half years. Since then I had struggled to get over her, but with the help of reading posts from this message board and other outlets, I have been able to bring stability back into my life. As of recent I have hit another snag. I can’t stop dreaming about her on a constant basis. I feel that I am over her, and I have started to date someone new, but I can’t help but wonder what my brain is telling me on a subconscious level. Most of my dreams involve her rejection and I wake up feeling like crap for an hour or so and return back to normal. Has anyone else out there experienced this? This is driving me nuts because it feels like it is inhibiting me from completely healing and moving on.
scarlyjones Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Yes I have. I found that the very reason I was dreaming about him was that I didnt stop thinking about him.
sam88921 Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Get a minimum wage job and work your butt off night and day. You'll be so exhausted that you'll end up loving your abusive boss and not having time to think of your other sweety. Then when you got things under control, ditch the job. Thats what telemarketers are for. You can find a job as a telemarketer and just talk to people on the phone all day. After a few days or weeks you'll have it up to there and you won't even have time to think about her Hope this helps. Its liek that song, "My friend's got a gf and she hates that bitch.....I tell him to go get a job" SO DO IT! Just do it! Get a job or go to the library all day and just keep your brain busy. You'll enventualyl forget about her.
NTB Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 well i don't know really what to say except that maybe you are not as over her as you think and that sucks cause i know how you are feeling i broke up with my girl in Jan too and it has been a real trying time but my relationship was 2 yrs long and i am not ready to see anyone so i don't know how you are doing it. if you find any tips on how to stop dreaming about the ex let me know i could use them too good luck
Author FiguringitoutinFL Posted June 6, 2005 Author Posted June 6, 2005 It is quite the predicament since I can't control my dreams, they just happen. Of course I still miss her in the sense that I lost her, but it is only exacerbated when I dream. During the day I don't think about her, but the new girl I am dating. NTB, this is my first breakup and I don't know how I am doing anything these days after the initial shock in the beginning, but I came to the conclusion that life goes on and I can't force someone to be with me. I am dating someone new, but I am taking it very, very, very slowly. Luckily, she is the exact opposite of my ex and understands. The only thing I feel that is holding me back are these dreams, hopefully someone has researched this and can give me an idea of how to control this. Thanks.
lindya Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Maybe you've consciously accepted what happened, but unconsciously you're not finished dealing with it - so your dreams have to replay what happened until you finally accept it on every level. It's only a theory. I sometimes find, though, that when a distressing event has happened I'm surprised by the lack of reference to that event in my dreams. I'll go to bed expecting to have horrific nightmares, but I'll just end up dreaming the usual nonsensical rubbish that most dreams consist of. Then later, when I've started to cope a bit better I'll start having dreams about the horrible thing that happened - and what would happen if I went back in time and tried to deal with that situation again (it would be the same outcome, my dreams always seem to tell me). It's almost as if the mind operates a kind of sewage system - with dreams performing the final cleansing function before the crap that needs to get thrown out is put out for good. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that you're having these dreams now, but I'm not a psychoanalyst (and even they can only play guessing games with this sort of thing).
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