jay1983 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Damn dude she sounds crazy hell. Show her this site, she'd fit right in here. Might even already be on here.
HereNorThere Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” - Maya Angelou 2
Author Lobouspo Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 And how long ago was that past of hers? I notice you are not naming any character qualities or any common interest or common life values. You just say she is educated and a professional. Most of the stuff happened in her 20's before her marriage, the thing with the married guy was about 4 years ago after she was separated. She says she did not know the guy was married and cut it off right away when she discovered this. The abortion was a couple of years ago. I guess in terms of values and common interests, she's Catholic like me, about 1 year ago started taking it a lot more seriously. So as a semi-practicing Catholic myself, I found that attractive. It has kind of shifted into a turn off as she can be very self-righteous and judgmental at times.
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Is it possible you are interested in her because you have nothing else going on? Because i'm not hearing any reason why you like her so far like she is nice, funny, generous, kind, soft, we enjoy the same things. 1
MoreAmore Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I appreciate honesty and if I liked her no issues EXCEPT HPV is not a past sti. Hpv cannot be cured. It's lifetime. Though, it's very common and there isn't a test for it, if you don't get either warts (that strain) or Pap smear abnormalities (different strains) there are 100 different strains, men show symptoms for almost none of them, and if you are not vaccinated, the current estimate is 75% of active people will contract, though most won't know. It isn't spreadable while dormant but it can reactivate with immune changes.
MoreAmore Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Not She told me how they would skip tabs on restaurant bills and thought it was funny. I called her on it, and she got really defensive and said not to judge her. That would bother me very much. It's funny to steal? Not embarrassing that she thought that was funny? 2
Author Lobouspo Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 Is it possible you are interested in her because you have nothing else going on? Because i'm not hearing any reason why you like her so far like she is nice, funny, generous, kind, soft, we enjoy the same things. Well, she can be all of the above...at times, but they have been few and far between lately. Perhaps I am just settling? Maybe the validation of being in a relationship no matter how toxic blinds me to some issues?
Robratory Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 She can be borderline verbally abusive at times and . . . Whoa, what? There's your deal breaker, as far as I'm concerned. What people did in the past is in the past. But now you're saying she's verbally abusive? 4
HereNorThere Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Most of the stuff happened in her 20's before her marriage, the thing with the married guy was about 4 years ago after she was separated. She says she did not know the guy was married and cut it off right away when she discovered this. The abortion was a couple of years ago. I guess in terms of values and common interests, she's Catholic like me, about 1 year ago started taking it a lot more seriously. So as a semi-practicing Catholic myself, I found that attractive. It has kind of shifted into a turn off as she can be very self-righteous and judgmental at times. So basically you're just saying she's been shady her entire adult life. Nice. Trust me, if she's telling you this much, there's a pandora's box of stuff she isn't telling you. Catholic? Umm, last time I checked Catholic's were absolutely against abortion and the church does not recognize divorces. I think you would be hard pressed to consider her a practicing catholic. She would most likely not be able to receive communion nor would any of her new marriages be recognized by the church. This woman has admitted to everything but axe murder. Even thinking about considering her to be a mate leaves one of two things to be true: You're either desperate or she is smokin' freakn hot. It's either one of the two because no one in their right mind would consider dating her. Rarely does someone give you this much warning before they ruin your life, but you were warned. Keep your guard up and your expectations low because there is only one way this is going to end and you know it. Good luck with that. 2
Httm Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 (edited) The married thing is an excuse...and adultery. The rest aren't as important imo. Do you want to date a married woman? And the skipping out on the bill would be a dealbreaker. She is a thief who brags about it. Edited January 19, 2016 by Httm 1
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Well, she can be all of the above...at times, but they have been few and far between lately. Perhaps I am just settling? Maybe the validation of being in a relationship no matter how toxic blinds me to some issues? It sounds to me like you are settling. Is she really what you wish for yourself? What I find interesting is that she identified herself as a devoted Catholic but still find funny that she stole money from a restaurant? Why do you even consider a relationship with someone verbally abusive? 1
Hughes101 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) So I recently met this woman who disclosed this about her past. Too much information IMO 1. Promiscuous sexual behavior when single 2. Past abortion 3. Two prior STD's. Chlamydia and HPV 4. having a sugar daddy when in her 20's 5. affair with married man (she says unknowingly) 6. Separated from husband since 2012, but still legally married (due to financial reasons, just never got around to filing...her words) What if any of these would be red flag/ deal breaker for you? They all bother me a little, but all of us have pasts and things we regret, especially when we hit our 30's I'm secretly so grateful when girls admit to having a promiscuous past. The problem is that most women are aware that this comprimises their suitability for relationships, so they lie about their past or only give part truths. Maybe she values honesty though (sounds like she does) and this counts for a lot.EDIT; as another member said there will be a whole load of other things that she's hiding. What she's given you must be her idea in her warped mind about what would be considered acceptable for guys to know. It's what you're comfortable at the end of the day and not as if there's many girls out there with a partner count of 3 or less Edited January 21, 2016 by Hughes101
Miss Peach Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 if you are not vaccinated, the current estimate is 75% of active people will contract, though most won't know. It isn't spreadable while dormant but it can reactivate with immune changes. Agreed for the first part. It is often a symptom-less STI; especially in men. I disagree with the second part and dislike all the misinformation I keep reading on the HPV vaccine. In general I've seen estimates most adults will contract HPV at some point vaccine or not. The vaccine is effective against only a couple of strains out of over 100. It alone will not protect someone from getting HPV as there are not only a large number of strains not covered by the vaccine. There is also the thing that no vaccine's efficacy rate is 100%. They do not work all the time. In some people no matter how many times they take a vaccine they will not produce antibodies. It is also contraindicated for some groups of people though that is being expanded year after year.
Miss Peach Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 OP - I'm in the I don't get what you're seeing here camp. There is one thing I think you are missing. You are using things like she is educated, Catholic, etc. to infer her values. Those are not her VALUES. You are inferring what those values might be based on the description. This is really common but there is a crucial difference. The thing is she is showing you a completely different set of values in her stories and behavior. If she said she had a past but she learned XYZ from it it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. The fact you've posted that she laughed about it and such would have me question whether she really learned anything from those experiences. It sounds like those things are still part of her value system. On top of that you mention things like being critical. Those things do not change. If they bother you now they will bother you a lot more in a few years or ten. As to the point about not getting why she is telling you this stuff. I suspect she really likes you and is wanting to share things with you. I know in my relationships at least when I really like a guy I want to share things because I don't want him to feel I hid them, want him to feel he can trust me, etc. I could be a similar play here. The difference is I don't tell my BF more than he needs to know. The more extreme things have either come out as the topic came up in general conversation, or I'll save it for down the line. 3
thecrucible Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I'm secretly so grateful when girls admit to having a promiscuous past. The problem is that most women are aware that this comprimises their suitability for relationships, so they lie about their past or only give part truths. Some women have to be economical with the truth because of judgmental people like you. Why go full disclosure while this double standard still exists? What about the women who get raped multiple times a day by ISIS? Are they rendered unsuitable for relationships? Is their number to high to form a suitable relationship? It's not really about the number is it? It's more about how a behaviour is indicative of a person's a character. But depending on what that behaviour is, people do change. Anyway it's the other issues which are truly the deal breakers imo.
Hughes101 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Some women have to be economical with the truth because of judgmental people like you. Why go full disclosure while this double standard still exists? What about the women who get raped multiple times a day by ISIS? Are they rendered unsuitable for relationships? Is their number to high to form a suitable relationship? It's not really about the number is it? It's more about how a behaviour is indicative of a person's a character. But depending on what that behaviour is, people do change. Anyway it's the other issues which are truly the deal breakers imo. Well if the other issues are deal breakers then you must also be judgemental! Let's just wallow in judgementalism together.
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