67Chevelle Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I dont know if I'm alone with this, but throughout my dating life, I cant really recall one time that a date ever gave me a compliment. Yet, as guys, its pretty much necessary that we pay the woman compliments or all sorts of assumptions can manifest in their head. Even when I've talked to any female friends, they always include "make sure you compliment her" with their advice. Why are so many women in need of compliments, especially when they are technically coming from a guy they really dont know too well yet? You know the guy is just schmoozing you. And why do guys typically not need such reassurance?
Author 67Chevelle Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 I rarely give out compliments. You really have to earn them from me. And the women who don't compliment you? Don't date them. I can understand why some would say that, but I never really thought much of not receiving compliments from women when we first started dating. I never expected them, I never looked for them, and its just not on my mind at the time. I guess I look for actions instead of words. But you got to admit, how often have you ever heard anyone give advice to women telling them "make sure you compliment him", it rarely happens if ever. I dont think complimenting men is anywhere near a priority as it is for men to compliment women.
basil67 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I'm a woman. I compliment my partner on occasion and probably more often than he compliments me. 2
angel.eyes Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I can understand why some would say that, but I never really thought much of not receiving compliments from women when we first started dating. I never expected them, I never looked for them, and its just not on my mind at the time. I guess I look for actions instead of words. But you got to admit, how often have you ever heard anyone give advice to women telling them "make sure you compliment him", it rarely happens if ever. I dont think complimenting men is anywhere near a priority as it is for men to compliment women. Because many women are very good at complimenting others. It's second nature so they don't need to be reminded. Some guys don't compliment. Perhaps you fall in that category? Could that be why you get lots of reminders? You said you focus on actions not words. My guess is you get compliments, but don't recognize them as such because "words" aren't something you value. 1
MrDuck Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Because she spends 2 hours getting ready and I spend 5 mins 1
MrDuck Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 (edited) Seriously though, I guess traditionally the guy des the "chasing" so to speaks, and compliments are basically a way of declaring interest when given in the manner you're talking about. Realistically, I don't notice such a imbalance as you're talking about. Sure they might not get told "make sure you compliment him" but 99% of girls I've dated or gone out with casually have never been shy of complimenting. Actually my current gf gives out compliments less than anyone I've probably ever met, and I'll tell you straight up, compliments from her mean 100x more, she's sincere. She'll tell me how come alien apocalyptic invasion I'll be the only other person she knows smart enough to survivor whatever scenario, and i'll burst with pride, cause that girl means it (even if its not necessarily true, haha)! Edited January 19, 2016 by MrDuck 1
hasaquestion Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 (edited) Compliments are only-one sided with a girl if you're trying to use them to get approval, so to speak. What's the idea behind a compliment? Is it about making them like you? Or could you not care less what they think but you're genuinely impressed by something and you might as well say it out loud? Compliments are going to feel one-sided if they are of the former variety. You know, the trying to impress you, I should compliment her, compliments. But that's because a compliment like that is really about the game, and its transactional in nature. You're giving them 'value' with the unstated expectation that they're supposed to like you more. Which is needy [and] passive aggressive[] On the other hand, a genuine compliment comes from a place of security and doesn't have an undertone of value in, value out. So there's no 'credit' on your social b lance sheet and it never gets one-sided. I do think if you are incapable of delivering a compliment that comes across as genuine then you should just avoid complimenting women on dates. Edited January 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 2
VeveCakes Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Really? I always make a point to compliment my bf. "You look fine as hell" "Why are you so handsome?" "You are so fun to be around" "I love your mind" just some of my favs
carhill Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 It appears the OP is speaking to 'a date' giving a compliment and that's far different from giving a boyfriend or husband a compliment. OP, from my perspective out over five decades now, pretty normal. I stopped paying attention to that by the time I hit my 30's, meaning I didn't assign negative connotations to not receiving compliments from dating partners. Even these days, compliments are very rare. Did get a few from my exW and the wife of one friend is pretty complimentary but she's a very down to earth and direct NYC'er so she'll dish the compliments and criticisms in the same sentence Meh, if you want to pick this hill to die on, OK. IDK, life's too short to sort people by their compliments, or lack. Melded with other personality characteristics, OK.
Author 67Chevelle Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 Maybe I didnt clarify exactly what I mean in my original post. The topic I am referring to is that fact that most men can go on a date, and if they dont receive a compliment(s) from the woman, typically he doesnt hold it against her, and he doesnt second guess her interest. If I didnt receive a compliment, I never went home and analyzed "omg why didnt she compliment me"?? But when a guy doesnt compliment the woman, especially in the beginning stages of dating, majority of women will notice, and analyze why he didnt compliment, and even jump to the conclusion that he isnt interested, based solely because he didnt compliment her. Why are so many women hooked on receiving compliments?
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Because she spends 2 hours getting ready and I spend 5 mins That's kind of valid though. I mean if she clearly put effort into looking pretty for her date with you it's nice to acknowledge it, and typically we don't think that men went to that much trouble to look pretty for a date as a woman would! Just for the record I compliment my guy ALL THE TIME. He would be pissed if he read this, but I know he eats it up, he gets what I call "look of pride!!!" whenever I praise him. But it means much more to him that I let him know what a good job he did on something and how much I appreciate it than if I tell him he looks very handsome!! (I do that too though ... because it's true!!) I don't understand the idea of "earning" a compliment though. If you like something about somebody or something they've done why not tell them?? 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Maybe I didnt clarify exactly what I mean in my original post. The topic I am referring to is that fact that most men can go on a date, and if they dont receive a compliment(s) from the woman, typically he doesnt hold it against her, and he doesnt second guess her interest. If I didnt receive a compliment, I never went home and analyzed "omg why didnt she compliment me"?? But when a guy doesnt compliment the woman, especially in the beginning stages of dating, majority of women will notice, and analyze why he didnt compliment, and even jump to the conclusion that he isnt interested, based solely because he didnt compliment her. Why are so many women hooked on receiving compliments? In early dating because the woman probably tried on 23 different outfits and sent selfies to her friends and got her hair and nails did along with her eyebrows ... just so you'd think she looked pretty. 1
Miss Peach Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 I like to show appreciation but I am not one who gives a lot of compliments. I'm just not very verbal that way; especially when first getting to know someone. I tend to be more affectionate as a way to show someone I'm into them or care. That's just what comes more naturally to me.
carhill Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Maybe I didnt clarify exactly what I mean in my original post. Why are so many women hooked on receiving compliments? My apologies for the misunderstanding. That answer is fairly easy. Receiving compliments has been a part of their life, for the 'so many', since daddy was calling them 'beautiful' as little girls. Boys attain their beauty and compliments through achievement. Showing up for a date isn't really an achievement, though it could be for some 2
Popsicle Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) I believe in complimenting people, including the man I'm with, and I wish for the same in return. It does get tiring though, when it's one-sided, and I've experienced that before too (being the only one doing the complimenting). It usually ends with me feeling neglected. As a side note, I truly do feel that some people have a fundamental problem with giving compliments. It's like it hurts them to do it. Or more like, they don't like to compliment you because it might make you feel more valued while at the same time making them feel less valued in doing so. That is absurd to me though and is probably a sign of how they were raised and what stuck with them. Edited January 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
xxoo Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Because she's the flower and you're the honeybee. I do compliment men a lot, but not typically on appearance.
SolG Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 In early dating because the woman probably tried on 23 different outfits and sent selfies to her friends and got her hair and nails did along with her eyebrows ... just so you'd think she looked pretty. Good grief how exhsusting! I don't think I've done anything like that for a date since I was a teenager. I actually really dislike gratuitous compliments; particularly about my looks. A simple you look great or something similar--if I actually do--is nice. But overblown or constant references is just annoying imo. I'm pretty sure my date likes the way I look... or we wouldn't be on a date in the first place, so there's no need to belabour the obvious. I much prefer compliments about details like my shoes or scarf, or better yet about my mind or conversation. Just to be told, 'Wow that's fascinating!' is a compliment in my eyes. As long as it's genuine. And I have no problems complimenting a guy if I find something about him complimentary. Now in particular a guy that smells great is going to be told he does straight away :-) 3
Els Posted January 24, 2016 Posted January 24, 2016 My guy and I compliment each other roughly the same amount, and we don't dish it out like water. Personally I feel it loses meaning if you're saying the same thing 10 times a day, every day. I tend to be wary of guys who do that, as it comes across as trying to be smooth or just 'following the rules' (like you said, you only do it because you were told to...) rather than genuinely admiring something about you.
lino Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 The answer to your question OP is the same as the answer to the following: Why does a man have to do all the approaching? Organising? Asking out? Paying for things? Keep conversation moving? Keep things interesting? Keep things exciting? Buy engagement rings? Pay for holidays away? There's no logic or reason behind it at all. Dare to question it? MAN UP!!
Rejected Rosebud Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 The answer to your question OP is the same as the answer to the following: Why does a man have to do all the approaching? Organising? Asking out? Paying for things? Keep conversation moving? Keep things interesting? Keep things exciting? Buy engagement rings? Pay for holidays away? There's no logic or reason behind it at all. Dare to question it? MAN UP!! I really think this was an honest question. Men have contributed just as much to making the status quo as women have, maybe even more. Men giving women compliments about their looks more than vice versa is PROBABLY rooted in the fact that women have traditionally been valued for our looks more than men have. It's really nothing to get all bitter over.
preraph Posted January 25, 2016 Posted January 25, 2016 Women stroke guys' egos all the time. It just goes over their heads because they are only thinking about the physical and complimenting anything physical for the most part and that's what they want in return, some sign she finds him physically sexy. Well, that's not the uppermost thing on women's minds, so they compliment you instead on something helpful you did or some skill you have because they're not trying to flatter you into bed. I find compliments about appearance, anything beyond, "You look nice," just calculated and embarrassing and fake.
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