How to interpret text

January 19, 2016

So I've been on 4 dates with this girl (first date from OLD ever) and a 5th is planned (she brought it up), I'm supposed to meet some of her friends. But I have a feeling I am way more into her than she is into me. Part of my personality is to get attached too soon I know that, we've made out but not had sex. She has a very kind of cold/standofish personality so thats just part of who she is I think and it matches her myers briggs type.

I tried probing her on the last date as to whether she felt anything and she couldn't really verbalize it. Shouldn't you feel something by the 4th date?

I sent her a text telling her that I really look forward to hanging out with her again soon and I got this response:

"(blushing smilie) Hope you had a good rest of your weekend <name>!"

WTF?! I think thinking of ditching her, this is messing with me too much. I know I am probably hanging my hat on this one girl too soon and I am very new at this.

Edited January 19, 2016 by FadedSign52

January 19, 2016

So I've been on 4 dates with this girl (first date from OLD ever) and a 5th is planned (she brought it up), I'm supposed to meet some of her friends. But I have a feeling I am way more into her than she is into me. Part of my personality is to get attached too soon I know that, we've made out but not had sex. She has a very kind of cold/standofish personality so thats just part of who she is I think and it matches her myers briggs type.

I tried probing her on the last date as to whether she felt anything and she couldn't really verbalize it. Shouldn't you feel something by the 4th date?

I sent her a text telling her that I really look forward to hanging out with her again soon and I got this response:

"(blushing smilie) Hope you had a good rest of your weekend <name>!"

WTF?! I think thinking of ditching her, this is messing with me too much. I know I am probably hanging my hat on this one girl too soon and I am very new at this.

I like texts that have substance "I really look forward to seeing you again on Saturday or Sunday if you are available for a walk in the park, a movie, . . . " And, I don't like the phrase "hanging out". If you want a date, make a date. You hang out with your "buds", you spend quality time with a romantic interest.

Edited January 19, 2016 by Redhead14

January 19, 2016

I agree. Be direct and ask her directly if she is free on x day to do y. She is waiting for you to do that.

You are also reading far too much into what she is saying. She sent you back a very positive text indicating she enjoyed spending time with you and then wishing you a great weekend. So the ball is in your court to get in touch with her and see what she says.

January 19, 2016

I like texts that have substance "I really look forward to seeing you again on Saturday or Sunday if you are available for a walk in the park, a movie, . . . " And, I don't like the phrase "hanging out". If you want a date, make a date.

We already have a date set up for next weekend. I was just trying to express that I was looking forward to it and was hoping for some verbalization that she was also. She just never seems to reciprocate to any emotional expressions... you're right the text was kind of pointless.

January 19, 2016

It is always difficult to interpret tone though text as the impersonal nature of the medium lends itself to that.

I agree you should ask her.

Don't fear it. stand up for yourself and don't beat around the bush.

January 19, 2016

We already have a date set up for next weekend. I was just trying to express that I was looking forward to it and was hoping for some verbalization that she was also. She just never seems to reciprocate to any emotional expressions... you're right the text was kind of pointless.

Play it cool. Just gauge her reaction by the next date. In this case act like the text never happened and don't give it a second thought.

January 19, 2016

We already have a date set up for next weekend. I was just trying to express that I was looking forward to it and was hoping for some verbalization that she was also. She just never seems to reciprocate to any emotional expressions... you're right the text was kind of pointless.

That really wasn't an emotional expression on your part. An emotional expression would be "I am looking forward to seeing those pretty eyes on Xday". And, I would send it maybe a day or two before the actual date not too soon after the date has been set. Save it and dish it out at intervals. Use it to build anticipation for her. She may be a little shy. And, don't put too much emphasis on texts. She accepted another date, that trumps lack of text lustre. How does she make you feel when you're with her? Does she seem geniune and enjoying the time or is she a cold fish? If she's been a cold fish, I don't know why you would ask her out again anyway.

January 19, 2016

I agree. Be direct and ask her directly if she is free on x day to do y. She is waiting for you to do that.

You are also reading far too much into what she is saying. She sent you back a very positive text indicating she enjoyed spending time with you and then wishing you a great weekend. So the ball is in your court to get in touch with her and see what she says.

I am reading too much into it. Honestly I am probably insecure about her because she is great in a lot of ways. And I know thats not attractive and I should back off and play the game. But its kind of hard not to be who you are

January 19, 2016

We already have a date set up for next weekend. I was just trying to express that I was looking forward to it and was hoping for some verbalization that she was also. She just never seems to reciprocate to any emotional expressions... you're right the text was kind of pointless.

I know what you mean but just because she didn't respond in kind, doesn't mean she is not feeling it. I wouldn't get too muddled expecting a certain response to things you say from certain people. People are never going to do what you expect them to do. So my advice is don't feel ashamed of saying certain things and don't say too many things knowing that you are only doing it to get a specific response.

I'm taking her blushing smile emoticon to mean something positive - like it gives her a glow to hear you say that to her.

January 19, 2016

I am reading too much into it. Honestly I am probably insecure about her because she is great in a lot of ways. And I know thats not attractive and I should back off and play the game. But its kind of hard not to be who you are

It sounds like you really like her. I got my fingers crossed for you. Don't worry about playing the game. You can still be yourself but be a little mysterious as well. I kind of see it like a ping pong game. You say one thing, they say something back and you try to let it develop at its own pace. Keep on an even keel and you will be fine.

January 19, 2016

That really wasn't an emotional expression on your part. An emotional expression would be "I am looking forward to seeing those pretty eyes on Xday". And, I would send it maybe a day or two before the actual date not too soon after the date has been set. Save it and dish it out at intervals. Use it to build anticipation for her. She may be a little shy. And, don't put too much emphasis on texts. She accepted another date, that trumps lack of text lustre. How does she make you feel when you're with her? Does she seem geniune and enjoying the time or is she a cold fish? If she's been a cold fish, I don't know why you would ask her out again anyway.

I don't get the impression she's the romantic mushy type. I think she's dated a lot of *******s so she's somewhat jaded. And she's the one who brings up a date the next weekend also this time.

She does we have great conversation and we hung out for 10 hours every date this weekend and the two prior.

She's just so unlike any woman I've dated before, very much not emotionally expressive at all or just very guarded. I hope she opens up at some point. I almost feel like I am the woman

I'm probably expecting too much after just 4 dates also though. I am new at this crap.

January 19, 2016

I know what you mean but just because she didn't respond in kind, doesn't mean she is not feeling it. I wouldn't get too muddled expecting a certain response to things you say from certain people. People are never going to do what you expect them to do. So my advice is don't feel ashamed of saying certain things and don't say too many things knowing that you are only doing it to get a specific response.

I'm taking her blushing smile emoticon to mean something positive - like it gives her a glow to hear you say that to her.

Thanks!!!! I needed to hear that

Maybe once I've done this for a few years I'll get the hang of it... but I really hope I don't get there. I also really hope she doesn't read this forum

January 19, 2016

She keeps bringing up the dates. I guess that shows a lot of interest by itself. I don't think there is a number of date after which you should feel something. It looks like there is a lot you don't know about her. Yet you look already much into her. Is that safe? I mean, you don't really know her.

Dating is getting to know each other. You should focus on that now.

January 19, 2016

She keeps bringing up the dates. I guess that shows a lot of interest by itself. I don't think there is a number of date after which you should feel something. It looks like there is a lot you don't know about her. Yet you look already much into her. Is that safe? I mean, you don't really know her.
Dating is getting to know each other. You should focus on that now.

Rationally I agree with you absolutely. But I would think you would feel SOMETHING after 4 dates if you're scheduling another?

But yes I totally agree I need to back off and focus on getting to know her otherwise I am going to push her away

January 19, 2016

Rationally I agree with you absolutely. But I would think you would feel SOMETHING after 4 dates if you're scheduling another?

But yes I totally agree I need to back off and focus on getting to know her otherwise I am going to push her away

OP, you need to relax a bit.

I don't think she would have been on a 4th date with you if she didn't feel something. Some people are just not so quick to verbalize it. Many, including myself, prefer to let those feelings come out naturally and when someone presses me for it, I tend to get a bit irritated.

Take a deep breath. I think you're fine so far.

January 20, 2016

Texting doesnt have much to go on and it also doesnt let us know what the other person is doing at the other end.

I did something similar and replied with a few words when I was queueing up at the supermarket.

I think what youre looking for is more substance in her text and due to the lackof it. The text does sound somewhat insincere.

I like a girl and when she used to text. She used to text me huge longstory text messages. Now when I text her. When she replies what annoys me is she used

"How are you"? Its like we text every other day. Why wouldnt I be okay? lol

Dont take texts so seriousily.

January 20, 2016

Faded: What exactly do you expect her to ''feel'' after 4 dates?

At this stage you should maybe change this sentence for '' I wonder what she is thinking''. Not what she is feeling. Feeling is a big important word you don't throw in the air after 4 dates.

I am currently dating someone. After our 4th date he gave me a call and at some point said It's crazy I'm always thinking about you. I was flattered and liked what I heard but I was not ready to reciprocate in kind. I said something like you make me blush. That was me accepting his compliment just like this girl sent you a blushy emocon to let you know she is flattered and is receptive.

In my case it took a whole month of dating and something like 12 dates to reply to my guy you're always on my mind. It's a good thing he didn't panic like you're doing right now when I didn't reciprocate at first.

Give her time to get into it. If she was played or mislead before she is NOT going to reciprocate that easily after a few dates.

January 20, 2016

I don't get the impression she's the romantic mushy type. I think she's dated a lot of *******s so she's somewhat jaded. And she's the one who brings up a date the next weekend also this time.

She does we have great conversation and we hung out for 10 hours every date this weekend and the two prior.

She's just so unlike any woman I've dated before, very much not emotionally expressive at all or just very guarded. I hope she opens up at some point. I almost feel like I am the woman

I'm probably expecting too much after just 4 dates also though. I am new at this crap.

Actions speak louder than words OP. She's still trying to see you for a reason.

Like someone else said - 'hung out' is a dangerous thing. Try and make the dates activities if they aren't already. Likewise, no need to be mushy because - actions speak louder than words.

That said, don't second guess yourself too much. Its more about little tweaks like the ones above. But she likes you for a reason.

January 20, 2016

OP...are you familiar with the five "love languages"?

One of them is *verbal affirmations* and if I had to venture a guess, it would be that *that* is your (or one of your) love languages..

Clearly verbal expressions of interest and love are of great importance to YOU.

They may not be to HER, she has a different love language.

I am very much like your girl ...the verbal stuff ...not so important.

MY love language is *quality time* and that may be hers too.

It DOES NOT mean she's not interested, it just means she has a *different* way of expressing it.

Learn the love languages (google it)....and try not to take everything so personally.

January 20, 2016

We already have a date set up for next weekend. I was just trying to express that I was looking forward to it and was hoping for some verbalization that she was also. She just never seems to reciprocate to any emotional expressions... you're right the text was kind of pointless.

In the olden days, we would call this "pining" for someone. That's great! You should pine for a woman you want to develop a relationship with

However, in the olden days, pining was accepted and even poetically celebrated as part of the courting process. It's a sweet feeling to have someone to feel a little dreamy/uncertain about.

Savor it, it's a nice feeling you can really only have in the early days of a relationship - don't avoid it or snuff it out with a text. Just think of her, and look forward to seeing her soon

Just because you're pining for her one second doesn't mean you then text her to prod her to give you a little emotional juice the next second.

Share something more meaningful with her than a text. Write her a short little poem on Paper instead, and give it to her on your date.

January 20, 2016

We already have a date set up for next weekend. I was just trying to express that I was looking forward to it and was hoping for some verbalization that she was also. She just never seems to reciprocate to any emotional expressions... you're right the text was kind of pointless.

Also - be mindful of your expectations. From what you wrote here it sounds like you expect that she should act a certain way, which is not the way she does act.

When dating, it's good to observe how the other person is acting. Then you get to decide if it all adds up to someone you want to see one more time, or not. . .and it sounds like you definitely have enough fun together to see her again.

If you feel let down or aggravated, and feel they 'should' be doing something more, you are getting close to being controlling and manipulative to 'make' them act the way you want. That will generally make a relationship antagonistic and competitive and perhaps resentful or angry, which is not (I hope) what you want.

......and katiegrl is right - the 5 love languages will really be helpful! Highly recommended!!

Edited January 20, 2016 by Sunlight72

January 21, 2016

Rationally I agree with you absolutely. But I would think you would feel SOMETHING after 4 dates if you're scheduling another?

Of course you feel something, sorry if I miss that. You feel something but that's not love. You like the other person, you like her looks, you like what you know about her so far (all this is the same for her). But that's it. And yes, some people would demonstrate this by saying something. Other people maybe wont.

You have to learn to see the way she shows you interest. She is willing to date you and proposes it. That's a lot. And maybe she doesn't feel all into you exactly the same as you feel into her. You have to give her time because every one has its own clock.

January 22, 2016

You are all very correct. I read about love languages and verbal affirmation is definitely on the top of my list! After a few days I have gotten my emotions in check now though :-) Oh and I am in no way savoring this I wish I could be much more cold and calculating about this! But this is who I am I guess, especially when things start to get physical.

I have never been accused of being controlling or manipulative in a relationship btw but I see your point. All our dates have been activity dates, not just "hanging out" I was just using that term for some reason.

I realize I am making all the mistakes I've made in the past, get attached way too early, look past warning signs (of which there are none here yet though) etc. So this is a good learning process for me. Have been in long term relationships most of my life I am way out of practice with this dating crap.

I am not used to chasing a woman, whenever they've been interested in the past its been blatantly obvious. So I am just having a really hard time reading this one. If shes not interested I'd honestly rather move on and some times I've been close to doing so but then she goes and does something that makes it obvious she is. So I am just really damn confused. Maybe we're just too different.

I have a date with someone else tonight so that'll help bring things into perspective for me I think. I'm pretty sure she's doing the same she's online a lot

Thanks all!!!!

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