BluEyeL Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Ok, sorry to be such a pain in the behind, but this is wigging me out. Despite me telling him to leave me be, he's paid me compliments again saying the flip side to his statement is that he didn't give me enough credit for how beautiful I am and that I'm blissfully articulate. I really don't understand what his thoughts are, could it be that he's realised how hasty he was or does he just seem like an as*hat to anyone? I'm not sure what to do, please..someone, anyone Well, sorry to disappoint, but if you made it clear how into him you are, he's back thinking why not get some easy sex. Stop being in a tizzy over this guy. He's a time waster. Move to the next. I've been where you are a couple of times and I know how you can't stop yourself but in hindsight it was just stupid of me to be so obsessed with a couple of frogs for such a long time. ugh! 1
Author soph-walker Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) Well, sorry to disappoint, but if you made it clear how into him you are, he's back thinking why not get some easy sex. Stop being in a tizzy over this guy. He's a time waster. Move to the next. I've been where you are a couple of times and I know how you can't stop yourself but in hindsight it was just stupid of me to be so obsessed with a couple of frogs for such a long time. ugh! This is my worry, that he's retracing his steps...I did predict this earlier in this thread. Or could he have made a genuine mistake? He's also taken down his dating profile after having it up only a couple of days..?! I just know how I felt about him and I'd be unwilling to put myself in that position all over again and give him the chance to shut me down again. I would love to just ignore him and move on but dammit I don't think I can. Edited February 4, 2016 by soph-walker
Toodaloo Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 So go see him with no expectations. Tell him he has one chance and if he blows it again then hurrah for him. Then if he does blow it leave him in the dust. As Blu says no point wasting time on this one.
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 *bump* Ok, so the guy in question messaged me on social media after viewing my profile (I saw he viewed it) and told me I look crazy gorgeous in one of my profile pics and that 'he wasn't sure why or how but I do' and also said my profile read really well and he hoped it would serve me well. What the?! Has he half insulted me by saying this, and why would he bother messaging me at all after saying he didn't fancy me! I want to message him and saying something witty and 'fu' back to him and critique his profile for being misrepresenting! Guys, any thoughts? He wasn't sure why or how you looked gorgeous in one of your pictures ???? Tell him to go F himself !! Who knows why he sent this message, maybe he has a type of personality disorder that you don't need in your life in any shape or form!!
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 So go see him with no expectations. Tell him he has one chance and if he blows it again then hurrah for him. Then if he does blow it leave him in the dust. As Blu says no point wasting time on this one. He's a no brain - no manners - no common sense - time waster.
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 OK I get the OLD cynicism, but IRL I have turned down guys who later I regretted doing so. I have changed my mind about men I though I had "no spark" with initially, so I am not sure why 2 dates and out, is such a crime on OLD? Why is it necessary to make such snap decisions about people? I am not saying it will not be a waste of time, but I think as he has made contact again, he deserves a chance, especially as the OP liked him a lot and there are no other prospects on the scene. 2
Robratory Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) I don't want to marry him, just have such a desire to be in his company again! When people quit smoking, they do one of two things. One is that they dwell on thoughts like, "OMG, I so desperately want a cigarette!" These people usually fail or quit only for a short while. Other people, when the urge to smoke hits, think to themselves, "I'm so glad I quit smoking! I will never smoke again!" These people almost always succeed. It's not will power. It's reprogramming. The best thing you can do is to stop missing him and start being glad that you didn't take things further. Edited February 4, 2016 by Robratory 2
Author soph-walker Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) He messaged to say he's had enough time to think about his awful choice of words (ie. when he accredited not wanting to see me again with not wanting to sleep with me) and also that he should have let himself get to know me properly and that it's too easy to create an opinion of someone via text before meeting in person and he shouldn't have done so. He said he was sincerely sorry. There's no mention of wanting to see me again though, so he's just apologising for being horrible to me? Edited February 4, 2016 by soph-walker
Erdbeere Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Ive also noticed that the heady intense chemistry doesn't come from a healthy place. Chemistry doesn't mean you're compatible and once it wears off you realize you arent right. I wish guys would pay more attention to realistic basis' for compatibility. The problem with this is all the people who routinely evangelise soulmates, destined partners, it's not like work if you love each other, it should automatically work between you, or it's not love etc.
Erdbeere Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I think sometimes people want the whole thing and nothing but the whole thing (I mean all singing all dancing fireworks and mental chemistry and someone that will fit neatly into their life with a bow wrapped round.) F*ck knows how anyone meets a person they can have an actual relationship with these days..instead of going on this insane merry-go-round of dissapointment. Agree. At the minimum, he gave you a reason. My guy hasn't, as per my thread. Good on you for posting here. I'm doing it to try to make sense of my guy, without throwing myself at his mercy. Good on you for posting your story here. When we do this, other people have a chance to learn something, too. 1
Erdbeere Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I agree with what you said above, also. For me though, the longer I use OLD, the more I find that people are looking for a 'unicorn'. It's the seemingly endless choice of there always being a possibility of meeting someone better, around the corner. I think it's evolving humans slightly to think in binary terms of 'YES/NO' and there's no in-between. I'm a hypocrite because I use OLD! What I mean to say is, with the guy I was interested in seeing, shut me down completely because he didn't feel a spark, despite saying we had an affinity. It's a non-starter and I fear it's how things are headed in dating in general. I don't use online dating, but see this mentality in my friends. They just see people as a shopping list of qualities they have (in which case yes) or don't (in which case no). 1
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 The problem with this is all the people who routinely evangelise soulmates, destined partners, it's not like work if you love each other, it should automatically work between you, or it's not love etc. Not all relationships start on a good foot or like in a fairy tale story BUT, I would not give a second chance to a man telling me he's not attracted enough towards me to have sex with me. EVEN if he gets back to me later saying he was tactless and could have chosen better words. It would completely kill my ego and my pride as a woman.
Erdbeere Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Not all relationships start on a good foot or like in a fairy tale story BUT, I would not give a second chance to a man telling me he's not attracted enough towards me to have sex with me. EVEN if he gets back to me later saying he was tactless and could have chosen better words. It would completely kill my ego and my pride as a woman. I agree with you 100%. Any derogatory comment on my physical attractiveness would repulse me. However, my comments were more in general, and in relation to the point about men having unrealistic expectations that there's always someone next to focus on, and that an exact match is possible and a realistic goal (which can be determined in a few dates).
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) and in relation to the point about men having unrealistic expectations that there's always someone next to focus on, and that an exact match is possible and a realistic goal (which can be determined in a few dates). Men have unrealistic expectations when they're not ready to settle. The thing with online is that it's full of people barely out of relationships looking for a band-aid on their wound. When a man is serious about finding a mate he's got his act together, he doesn't waste time, and you never have to guess with him. Edited February 4, 2016 by Gaeta
Author soph-walker Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 I asked if he attempting to let me know he'd made a mistake in not wanting to see me again. He said it was an apology and a retraction from his statement and to pay me more compliments on the pictures I selected on my profile. I asked again why he would bother to apologise as we're not friends and he doesn't know me..he said he didn't give me enough recognition for the way I am. I then asked if he thought this why he would deny himself the chance to get to know someone a bit better..he replied saying he is sometimes self destructive. This is all just a game! Ladies beware!
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I asked if he attempting to let me know he'd made a mistake in not wanting to see me again. He said it was an apology and a retraction from his statement and to pay me more compliments on the pictures I selected on my profile. I asked again why he would bother to apologise as we're not friends and he doesn't know me..he said he didn't give me enough recognition for the way I am. I then asked if he thought this why he would deny himself the chance to get to know someone a bit better..he replied saying he is sometimes self destructive. This is all just a game! Ladies beware! Why are you even having a discussion with him? There is no need of 'beware'. After what he told you I don't know a-n-y woman that would be addressing this man again. 1
Author soph-walker Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 I don't know Gaeta, I am too trusting and optimistic and wanted to hear what he had to say. It's foolish of me, so foolish. I need to heed my own advice I give to others.
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