Author soph-walker Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 Oh honey there is nothing confusing here! It's just your own infatuation coming in the way. At the moment I saw him I knew nothing romantic would happen between us. He had a big smile on, he was smart, witty, funny I decided to have a coffee with him still. I have never laughed so hard in my life!! I stayed there with him for 2 HOURS. When we left the coffee he asked to see me again and I declined. I told him exactly what your guy told you: Harry, you're a lovely man and I had an amazing time I truly have never laughed so hard in my life BUT I do not feel anything romantic between us is possible. The fact this man gave you compliments and the fact he could recognize you are a nice woman does not mean in anyway!! it could develop in something romantic. Gah...you're right...I need to swallow my feelings. He also told me, it's not enough to have an affinity, you also need a spark. I think I'm holding on to the little things he said like this and hoping falsely. I just don't know why he would have bothered with a second date. And you're right in another thing, he won't have even given me a seconds thought but here I am pouring my heart out on this bloody forum. I must be a masochist!!
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 To be honest, he has already rejected me completely by saying he didn't have the desire to sleep with me THIS. Soph, where is your woman's pride? how can you possibly contact a man that has said these words to you? 1
Author soph-walker Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 Having said this.. I would like him to know that having an instant spark is no basis for how anything may or may not turn out. Imseriously need help. I'm going to have to block him on fb..I have a feeling I won't be able to restrain myself if I have a drink with friends this weekend:lmao:
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Having said this.. I would like him to know that having an instant spark is no basis for how anything may or may not turn out.: He has at least to have the desire or curiosity to see you naked. He specifically said he doesn't. 1
Author soph-walker Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 He has at least to have the desire or curiosity to see you naked. He specifically said he doesn't. I don't know what's come over me, this is all so blindingly obvious and I will get some pride and wash my hands of this. I think when he said this I should have seen it as truth and not a challenge. I've never ever had a guy say this to me..what kind of man doesn't want to see a woman naked anyway:eek: This made me feel completely ugly and repulsive when he told me this, when in fact, I get wolf whistled at in the street. I will be spending the next few days restoring my ego and self worth as it's clearly lacking at the moment. 1
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 This made me feel completely ugly and repulsive when he told me this, when in fact, I get wolf whistled at in the street. I will be spending the next few days restoring my ego and self worth as it's clearly lacking at the moment. This is a stranger from the Internet. His opinion of you should have ZERO impact on your self esteem! none what so ever! If he doesn't want to see you naked that's cause he's blind as a taupe! Let him go back to his farm and jerk off to pictures of his mom.
Author soph-walker Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 This is a stranger from the Internet. His opinion of you should have ZERO impact on your self esteem! none what so ever! If he doesn't want to see you naked that's cause he's blind as a taupe! Let him go back to his farm and jerk off to pictures of his mom. This really made me laugh:) Again, you're 100% spot on again G! Do you think I should block him on social media to stop any temptation to contact him? I'm not sure how my self esteem has gotten so low lately. Time for a change methinks. Thank you again.
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 This really made me laugh:) Again, you're 100% spot on again G! Do you think I should block him on social media to stop any temptation to contact him? I'm not sure how my self esteem has gotten so low lately. Time for a change methinks. Thank you again. I am glad it made you laugh :-) I would delete him everywhere and go to next asap! Take new sexy pictures for your profile and your self-esteem will go right up again ;-) 1
loveflower Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) I'm not sure how my self esteem has gotten so low lately. Time for a change methinks. Thank you again. Guess that what happens when you really into someone. I can't stop thinking a guy from G's city too. A highly educated guy who also fluent in my native language. I know he visited my fb...but why he did not friend requested me? He makes me feel inadequate though. ..i doubt if i am young, pretty and intelligent enough for him .. i am a serious forever type of person. ..but when it comes to him i am willing to change those. Edited January 20, 2016 by loveflower
Haydn Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Not read the whole thread. (Sorry) But i know the feeling. Never done Online dating but know the feeling of `Electric` `She actually touched my leg` I was intoxicated. It happens. Some people....(they have it) But you have great advice here. (From others) (I agree)
Author soph-walker Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 Guess that what happens when you really into someone. I can't stop thinking a guy from G's city too. A highly educated guy who also fluent in my native language. I know he visited my fb...but why he did not friend requested me? He makes me feel inadequate though. ..i doubt if i am young, pretty and intelligent enough for him .. i am a serious forever type of person. ..but when it comes to him i am willing to change those. I think sometimes people want the whole thing and nothing but the whole thing (I mean all singing all dancing fireworks and mental chemistry and someone that will fit neatly into their life with a bow wrapped round.) F*ck knows how anyone meets a person they can have an actual relationship with these days..instead of going on this insane merry-go-round of dissapointment.
notoriginal Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I think sometimes people want the whole thing and nothing but the whole thing (I mean all singing all dancing fireworks and mental chemistry and someone that will fit neatly into their life with a bow wrapped round.) F*ck knows how anyone meets a person they can have an actual relationship with these days..instead of going on this insane merry-go-round of dissapointment. That is well said. However if people tell women not to want everything its usually also an excuse for men not to improve themselves. Men sometimes have a lot of standards too. To me the difference betweeen things they can change and things they can't. I expect a man to be what I want as far as he can change it, I would do the same for him, otherwise we're not a good match bye. Way better alone than in a bad relationship, as my grandmother always said and I think she is right
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I don't know if it would sound completely desperate of me if, in a few weeks I messaged him and explained how nervous I felt and how formidable a man he was and let him know that I am not one to let a good man out of my sight without a try. Living rurally, my pool is limited.. Don't you dare send anything of the sort! Sure fire way to chop off your arms and legs with this one! Get feisty! Get hard to get! Be worth the chase! THAT is what is is looking for and THAT is EXACTLY what he has told you. I hear you Soph... I look out of my window at work and I see deer being butchered. I see tractors. Wellies are mandatory. When we get snowed in we take the tracks to get home... BUT NEVER EVER FORGET - YOU ARE A PRIZE THAT THEY HAVE TO EARN. Respect yourself, know yourself. They want that special gem as do you. If you treat yourself as disposable why on earth shouldn't they? 2
Author soph-walker Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 That is well said. However if people tell women not to want everything its usually also an excuse for men not to improve themselves. Men sometimes have a lot of standards too. To me the difference betweeen things they can change and things they can't. I expect a man to be what I want as far as he can change it, I would do the same for him, otherwise we're not a good match bye. Way better alone than in a bad relationship, as my grandmother always said and I think she is right I agree with what you said above, also. For me though, the longer I use OLD, the more I find that people are looking for a 'unicorn'. It's the seemingly endless choice of there always being a possibility of meeting someone better, around the corner. I think it's evolving humans slightly to think in binary terms of 'YES/NO' and there's no in-between. I'm a hypocrite because I use OLD! What I mean to say is, with the guy I was interested in seeing, shut me down completely because he didn't feel a spark, despite saying we had an affinity. It's a non-starter and I fear it's how things are headed in dating in general.
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Soph. You are getting disillusioned. Its OK. It happens to all of us. Take a break. Don't log in. Pamper yourself. You are a unicorn - if the men you are meeting are too dumb to see that then that really is their problem NOT yours. Your problem is remembering that if it goes wrong then that is perfectly alright because it means you are free to meet your unicorn. They are out there, you just have to stab a lot of haystacks with your pitch fork before you find him. Chin up chook. It does get better. Its perfectly alright to feel this way. I have felt it too and not so long ago. 1
Author soph-walker Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 Don't you dare send anything of the sort! Sure fire way to chop off your arms and legs with this one! Get feisty! Get hard to get! Be worth the chase! THAT is what is is looking for and THAT is EXACTLY what he has told you. I hear you Soph... I look out of my window at work and I see deer being butchered. I see tractors. Wellies are mandatory. When we get snowed in we take the tracks to get home... BUT NEVER EVER FORGET - YOU ARE A PRIZE THAT THEY HAVE TO EARN. Respect yourself, know yourself. They want that special gem as do you. If you treat yourself as disposable why on earth shouldn't they? Toodaloo, you are 100% spot on with this, it also made me laugh a little as the 'me' I was pre-break up, would not have stood for nonsense like his! 1
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 Toodaloo, you are 100% spot on with this, it also made me laugh a little as the 'me' I was pre-break up, would not have stood for nonsense like his! And THAT Soph my girl is the "you" he needs to see. The real you. The ballsy, doesn't take any crap one! The problem with this dating lark is that we all hold up high expectations and hopes and desires and in order to attract the right person for us we try to show our best sides all the time. In actual fact the opposite is true. Guys need to see US exactly as we really are! That way we have a hope in hell of our relationships actually working. I am just as bad as anyone else. However what I realised is that I changed myself into this silly little nothingness girl. When in actual fact I have bigger balls than most men I know to the point of being intimidating... That is who these chaps need to see. Not the prissy pretend girl I turn myself into! 2
smudge21 Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 I totally get where you are with this man you can't forget about. It's strange that one person out of so many can suddenly get under our skin and we have no idea why, or how to let them go when they don't want us the same way (or at all). I get the fact you want that closure, for him to reject you, but from my own personal current issues, it's hard to go to that stage as facing the final curtain will truly mean it's over whereas hanging around, living in hope and denial, at least means that maybe, just maybe there's a possibility and for some of us, that's enough to keep holding onto that ledge. I think the big wake up is when you fully accept that this other person will never be the person in your mind you have built them up to be, and that means loving you in the same way you love them. The longer however that we live in this fantasy world of our own creation, the more we build them up to be amazing and therefore the harder it is to let go. It sucks and there's no easy fix, but you've got some great advice on here and just need to take some time for yourself and realise that there are other, better people out there for you. When one door closes and all that... 4
Author soph-walker Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 And THAT Soph my girl is the "you" he needs to see. The real you. The ballsy, doesn't take any crap one! The problem with this dating lark is that we all hold up high expectations and hopes and desires and in order to attract the right person for us we try to show our best sides all the time. In actual fact the opposite is true. Guys need to see US exactly as we really are! That way we have a hope in hell of our relationships actually working. I am just as bad as anyone else. However what I realised is that I changed myself into this silly little nothingness girl. When in actual fact I have bigger balls than most men I know to the point of being intimidating... That is who these chaps need to see. Not the prissy pretend girl I turn myself into! I used to be so ballsy and gutsy and then more recently, thought that my best side was to be soft and 'daren't say boo to a goose' kind of attitude. I think it really does come from having my LTR end, I'm still finding things out about myself from the fallout of it all and it's been 2 years. But yes, thanks for your marvellous words, I'm so glad I didn't end up messaging him! Good god!
stillafool Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 It's a rare guy that won't settle for "some" when the alternative is "none." Spark isn't even something that most guys think about. Instead, our inner piggie goes, "Yeah, I'd hit that!" and that settles it. If this guy made OP feel a "spark" in such a small amount of time he probably does this with other women as well. Which means he is not hard up for sex and probably has that "it" factor that turns women on. He doesn't have to just "hit" anything that is offered to him. Some men have it like that. 1
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 (edited) I used to be so ballsy and gutsy and then more recently, thought that my best side was to be soft and 'daren't say boo to a goose' kind of attitude. I think it really does come from having my LTR end, I'm still finding things out about myself from the fallout of it all and it's been 2 years. But yes, thanks for your marvellous words, I'm so glad I didn't end up messaging him! Good god! That is the thing though Soph. Like Shrek says we all have layers like an onion. Its why dating is so very hard. To get to know someone takes a life time. Even when you think you know them they can throw you a curve ball. Many forget this and just... well, they do what this guy did to you and many have done to me. I am as tough as old boots, I am a complete prankster. Only an hour ago I was covering my bosses in silly string for not wearing their ear plugs. Not many have the balls to do such a thing. Doesn't mean that is all I am and that sometimes I don't just need a hug or some comfort. Doesn't mean to say that I don't dish out hugs and comfort to others either... I can be a total softie too! So the only thing to do is to just be yourself and as you are at that time. We all make mistakes its called the human condition. If this guy is so short sighted he can't see that well that really is his problem and not yours. He shoulda gone to Specsavers.... Edited January 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted response to deleted post ~6 1
Author soph-walker Posted January 21, 2016 Author Posted January 21, 2016 If this guy made OP feel a "spark" in such a small amount of time he probably does this with other women as well. Which means he is not hard up for sex and probably has that "it" factor that turns women on. He doesn't have to just "hit" anything that is offered to him. Some men have it like that. He wasn't particularly gorgeous, it was his mind that really sparked something in me, we shared many commonalities in personality. It's this that I don't come across in men, it's a rare gem that captures my mind. I do find the fact he was looking for instant animal attraction after a couple of meets completely laughable..we are both 'from the Internet'..was he expecting that he locks lips/undresses someone within 2 dates!! Being physical with someone I met from the Internet is the last thing on my mind until I know them as a person, but that's just me! But anywho, it's done with and wasn't meant to be. Onwards and upwards as they say! 4
Jejangles Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 And THAT Soph my girl is the "you" he needs to see. The real you. The ballsy, doesn't take any crap one! The problem with this dating lark is that we all hold up high expectations and hopes and desires and in order to attract the right person for us we try to show our best sides all the time. In actual fact the opposite is true. Guys need to see US exactly as we really are! That way we have a hope in hell of our relationships actually working. I am just as bad as anyone else. However what I realised is that I changed myself into this silly little nothingness girl. When in actual fact I have bigger balls than most men I know to the point of being intimidating... That is who these chaps need to see. Not the prissy pretend girl I turn myself into! This is so true! I have recently realised the "me" I am in early dating is often not the real me, especially if I like the guy... I'm far more likely to sit back, be cautious and filter what I say - it's not a conscious thing, it just happens, because I feel insecure or something. I think it's something we can all work on. It's better to be rejected for the real you than to wonder if they would have felt differently if you had actually been yourself! And OP, this guy got under your skin but I think you are doing some good work moving on. Time will help. But it never hurts to reflect on your own actions in the situation and see if there is anything you could change moving forward. 1
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2016 Posted January 21, 2016 This is so true! I have recently realised the "me" I am in early dating is often not the real me, especially if I like the guy... I'm far more likely to sit back, be cautious and filter what I say - it's not a conscious thing, it just happens, because I feel insecure or something. I think it's something we can all work on. It's better to be rejected for the real you than to wonder if they would have felt differently if you had actually been yourself! And OP, this guy got under your skin but I think you are doing some good work moving on. Time will help. But it never hurts to reflect on your own actions in the situation and see if there is anything you could change moving forward. I am a bit opposite. I don't give a damn... until I give a damn... then its a "oh heckers he actually is worth my bother" then I get flustered and mess it up. When I meet for the first couple of times I am completely myself, then I jam up a bit and it all goes a bit Pete Tong... 2
Author soph-walker Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 *bump* Ok, so the guy in question messaged me on social media after viewing my profile (I saw he viewed it) and told me I look crazy gorgeous in one of my profile pics and that 'he wasn't sure why or how but I do' and also said my profile read really well and he hoped it would serve me well. What the?! Has he half insulted me by saying this, and why would he bother messaging me at all after saying he didn't fancy me! I want to message him and saying something witty and 'fu' back to him and critique his profile for being misrepresenting! Guys, any thoughts?
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