StayingAlive Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) For example, I've read that people, especially girls, get too much attention there, so that leading to know someone better and blow you off a lot sooner or flake anytime. Since I've been considering using an online dating app, I would like to read some of the issues I should be aware of, experiences or advices. Thanks a lot. Edited January 18, 2016 by StayingAlive
lilmissjava Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Don't invest too much time into messaging before meeting and keep your options open until you have that mutual conversation about exclusivity, if that ever happens.
planb1973 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Don't invest too much time into messaging before meeting and keep your options open until you have that mutual conversation about exclusivity, if that ever happens. This and don't take things too personal. Its a numbers game. Go out and have fun, it might take a lot of first dates. 2
soph-walker Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 For example, I've read that people, especially girls, get too much attention there, so that leading to know someone better and blow you off a lot sooner or flake anytime. Since I've been considering using an online dating app, I would like to read some of the issues I should be aware of, experiences or advices. Thanks a lot. Haha, how long have you got? You'll soon be wanting to leave OLD well alone after a spell on here/reading about all people's experiences! 1
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 It's all about your photos. If they are terrible or boring or make you look not so attractive you will have trouble getting any attention. 5
SwordofFlame Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Don't be surprised if you think the date went well only to be ghosted by the other person afterwards. Don't beat yourself up trying to figure out what went wrong. Just move on to the next person. 2
soph-walker Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 It's all about your photos. If they are terrible or boring or make you look not so attractive you will have trouble getting any attention. Also, make sure your photos aren't unrealistically good. There's nowt worse than meeting a person who doesn't look remotely like their photos. Note that no matter how long you chat online/text a person prior to meeting them, it means absolutely nothing until you've met them in person. Don't get hung up over this. And..there may be people who only want to chat online/via messaging platforms online and not meet in person. Can feel this list is going to be a long one..
soph-walker Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Lastly, I don't think the overall quality of women using OLD is very high. Sure, there are a few great women on there, but for the most part, all of the best women don't need to resort to OLD to find a date. Ha! I would consider myself a high calibre kind of woman, but I have resorted to OLD! I think this would be an opportune point to state, OP, to have an open mind 2
Robratory Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) Well, it's actually not that different from bar dating or Spring Break dating. Yes, the girls get lots of attention, just like in bars and on Spring Break, but much of the attention isn't actually wanted, again, just like in bars and on Spring Break. The only thing is that it's so much more. You'll run into flakes, weirdos, and game players, just like at the bar, but more. The thing is not to lose focus and become the thing. If you go to a bar, hoping to meet someone, you don't want to wind up a fat alcoholic with a bar stool welded to his ass like Norm on Cheers. And if you do online dating, you don't want to wind up with a punch of pen pals and Facebook friends. So, one rule, not necessarily rule one, is to engage in as little pre-meeting conversation as possible. You just need to exchange a foto and few pleasantries to establish that you exist. Don't go beyond that before meeting, and don't get too interested in anyone before meeting. As a guy, you should expect more rejection than usual. Also be on the look out for scams and revenges. If you get a sexually explicit message from a woman right off the bat, possibly with naked pictures and usually with a phone number and even a street address, that's not your fantasy come true. That's the woman's ex getting revenge on her. Sicko, but what can you do? Edited January 18, 2016 by Robratory
SwordofFlame Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 One of the many tactics employed by men using OLD to meet women is to date down, hooking up with women that you would not normally date, just to get laid easily. This one works well, which leads to one of the biggest problems with OLD... I agree and just want to add that some guys do this out of necessity. This is because women just get so many messages and as enigma mentioned some also have ridiculously high standards online. The odds that the man will want a serious relationship in this scenario are pretty slim because they've felt that they've had to settle.
paigej91 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) Lastly, I don't think the overall quality of women using OLD is very high. Sure, there are a few great women on there, but for the most part, all of the best women don't need to resort to OLD to find a date. The exact same thing could be said about the men Truth is, so many people are having to resort today because "real life" just doesn't present you with the same amount of options. Meeting and dating organically just doesn't happen the way it used to. Which actually brings me to the OPs question, one major issue with online dating is that it's created a whole different dating culture than what used to exist when dating happened organically. Prior to the OLD surge, you spent a lot of time getting to know each other. With OLD, things move much faster, and if you date someone for awhile, you later often realize that you don't know this person at all because you didn't spend the time getting to know them. Edited January 18, 2016 by paigej91 4
Philosopher Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Since I've been considering using an online dating app, I would like to read some of the issues I should be aware of, experiences or advices. Thanks a lot. You often do not know exactly what the person you are messaging intentions are. Are they looking for a relationship, a sex partner or just a messaging buddy? Sometimes they will mention it their profile, however more often than not they will not, so you have to look for clues in their profile and messages. I have found that after doing online dating for some time, you learn what sort of girls are more likely to reply and agree to meet up. So over time the response rate to my messages and the number of dates I have got has increased. However it has taken quite a bit of trial and error to find out whom is more likely to reply.
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 You don't know someone's intentions with you and how committed they are to dating in the first place when they start talking to you. You don't know how committed they are to the site or what they have going on in their real life. Also you can expect to be disappointed and find that most conversations peter out into nothingness. I have been on several dates and met a few potentially great guys but it has mostly lead to a lot of hassle to be honest. I feel as a woman that there is a lot of pressure on me to get instant attention through my dating site photos. I log onto Facebook and it's full of selfies and self-indulgent status updates about how many hot guys "like my profile on Tinder". Eurghh. If I put up photos that look me scrubbed up well that still gets less attention on those sites than photographs of me with an instagram filter. Your pics have to look a certain way to get in the door but then you run the risk of the man you meet being disappointed if you don't look exactly like your photos. I said earlier that I'm glad it's made me more street wise but at the same time, I'd like to take back some cynicism. I've just seen and experienced some odd things like people asking me to join threesomes, people who are really married and want a bit on the side or lie to you about actually being single. So some of this was in real life too but part of me wants to have my teenage innocence back when I hadn't seen the ugly side of it.
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Prior to the OLD surge, you spent a lot of time getting to know each other. With OLD, things move much faster, and if you date someone for awhile, you later often realize that you don't know this person at all because you didn't spend the time getting to know them. Exactly. And I find men expect me to (or are hoping so) that I will move faster at the pace they are moving at but to me I am just meeting a stranger and I need to feel more comfortable before I can even consider something romantic. It just feels really weird to me. Some of those have been normal guys who just liked me for some reason (I have no idea why) and wanted to move into romantic territory but I just wasn't ready to return their affections. Even though they weren't pressuring me at all, I just felt that it was a kind of pressure since our first meeting had been with certain expectations. It's not like meeting someone randomly and getting to know them gradually.
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 when you say faster do you mean meeting very quickly? I don't mind meeting them quickly but sometimes after you meet it creates this expectation that it will lead to something. I don't tend to fall for people easily so it makes me feel a bit pressured. I always reserve any feelings until I have met them to see what they are like but I haven't met anyone who I feel enough for that after 3 dates I can see it turning into something. I would just need longer to get to know the guy but I don't like stringing people along so I'll decide after date 3. I sometimes think that if I had met certain guys under different circumstances and got to know them over a longer period of time, it would have worked out differently. (but then that is all hypothetical).
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Well the guy probably is hoping it leads to something since he is paying after date 1. lol I know! It makes me feel so bad when the guy is spending time and energy on meeting up with me (although I am doing likewise) and I'm a bit ambivalent so I don't let it drag on for too long. But like I said, if I had met these guys irl without OLD as a go-between, it might have turned out for the better and at least it would have felt more relaxed. The best relationships I've had didn't start with formal dates. We got to know each other gradually through close proximity then dates happened when we felt more comfortable with each other and we knew definitely it was going to go somewhere. It's nice to meet up with someone from OLD for dinner but it can feel a bit stilted to me so I always prefer the "let's meet up for a quick coffee" type of scenarios. I don't feel like there has to be a formal situation in order for me to discover rapport with someone.
zenguy Posted March 7, 2016 Posted March 7, 2016 It's definitely a numbers game as a guy, and the goal should be to quickly go to a phone conversation and a date. Definitely toss your phone number into the second email, don't get caught in a dopey email conversation. First email should be short, and to the point, that you like her and you would like to meet her. Your profile and pictures are already saying a lot about the both of you. Emailing is a horrible way to communicate and anyone serious about dating should have no problem talking with you over the phone. I think the big mistake some people make is they try to form this strong bond before meeting someone, probably sparked by being overly choosy and it not working out when they finally found someone they thought was perfect, so you start thinking there's a game you have to play before you meet. In the end you'll never know if someone is a match until you meet them. It's easy to pretend over email.
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