whatwhit Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Hello Everyone, Hope that everyone is having a great holiday season. Back on Halloween night I met a Military Army Captain - ironically I was kind of interested in his friend who invited him out for the night. We have been "dating" I guess if you will with no title since the beginning of November. Does anyone have experience with dating Military individuals. Are they immature? Do they just care about sex? I feel like the ones who haven't been to college from what I hear are the one who jump into marriage are kind of crazy. The ones who go to school and are in leadership have more of a "level head". Also, do guys have typical "guy talk" to where they kind of talk crap about a girl they've been hooking up/date. I am not sure if this is considered talking crap, but how would you take it? I saw some messages where he was telling a friend about how the army gave him the advantage of not having to go to a cool drinking work event I invited him to. We still ended up hanging out that night, but he told his friend we didn't hook up. He friend made fun and said "pillowtalk", and the military guy stated "dodged the relationship bullet" we didn't even have any type of exclusive talk. Then this week he did end up telling him we hooked up in a frat boy type of manner. He invited me to a military ball which I did get a "wow" response when he saw me in formal attire. However, the whole 3 days i stayed with him he acted kind of distant, not open to PDA or anything. Until the night of course. At the ball he wanted to leave right after the ceremony stuff which I admit caught me off guard. This was my first ball and i figured he would want to stay because of that. Due to my facial expression he could tell something was bothering me ( of course he tries to hold my hand then ). I basically cut the bull**** and was like, ya know I really like you, but I didn't spend 300 bucks on a dress to spend 3 hours at an event. He said he was really sorry and said we should've stayed. I asked him he liked liked me and he said he did. He said due to him being deployed for 9 months ( leaving in Feb.) he wouldn't want to pursue a relationship. He stated that you have to have an established relationship to make it work, and how hes seen relationships fall apart once significant others deploy. He said if we had met 2 to 3 months earlier than we could see if something would work out. However, his actions to match up with his words. I personally think if you really like someone you would try to work it out. What do you guys think? Why would he says mean things about me to his best guy friend? Should I just write him off?
angel.eyes Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Why would he says mean things about me to his best guy friend? Because he doesn't really respect you. He doesn't care whether things continue with you. Should I just write him off? Yes. He told his friend he "dodged the relationship bullet" with you and gave him a "frat boy" (your words) version of hooking up with you. He later told you he didn't want a relationship. It sounds as if you're looking for more than he's interested in offering. You should move on and find someone else.
Miss Peach Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I haven't dated military guys but I have a lot of friends who are former military. What I have found is that they tend to have a group of people within the military they get very close to and can basically do/say anything. You generally have to do this at least in the lower ranks as you are around the same group of men 24/7. Most guys I've met talk pretty vulgar when women aren't around to some degree. Not sure how much I would read into that per se. Past that I think it's very individual just like a lot of people in general. I think you already have your answer. He seems to like you but won't put both feet into a relationship since he has to deploy soon. It sounds like you are pretty into him so you need to figure out how much you are willing to put into this knowing he doesn't want a relationship. He may or may not when he gets back. Or he may go somewhere else.
sportygirl89 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Yes and one of my exes was military and had a best friend that was in military and bachelor type. After that, I swore myself not to date military guys again. The bachelor type constantly was getting in the way of our relationship. He chose him over me. But I think I'm the lucky one.
Author whatwhit Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Hi All, Some of you may have come across a thread I posted a few months ago about a man I met a few months ago. We met on Halloween - and even before the dating happened between us, I remember him saying he would be getting deployed for 9 months in Feb. We've talked a lot about us, more than he would've probably liked. What it has come down to is, he doesn't want to date while he's deployed. He has mentioned that he has seen so many relationships get destroyed while on deployment and that you have to have a strong foundation. I asked if he likes me, ya know butterflies all that normal stuff he said he does. I asked if he would want to pick up where we are when he comes back and he said he does. And I asked if he wanted me to wait and he said he can't ask me to do that. What do you guys think of his reason for not wanting to be in a relationship while deployed? Should I wait, cause I do think I have fallen for him. Thanks!!
VeveCakes Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Deployment is extremely stressful and hard on even the best relationships. It would be a mistake to enter a relationship at this time for both of you. I would say a definite pass on this.
lilmissjava Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Perhaps you can read the article at the bottom of this post. It's not as simple as waiting for him to return, but rather understand that he will be a different man when he comes home. Take a look at the following and perhaps you can find more clarity and see if waiting is what you want to do. http://http://taskandpurpose.com/9-smart-tips-dating-modern-military-men/
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 No, I wouldn't wait. I'd proceed with my life and date, unless we were actually in a formal relationship. It would be silly to put your entire romantic life on hold for someone who may or may not come back a completely different person.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 I wouldn't wait, no. You don't have enough history together and reading through your previous posts about him, he's not looking to get serious with you anyway.
dobielover Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Pass. No point in putting your life on hold for this guy.
soph-walker Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 My sister dated a guy in the military. Turns out he had a lady 'in every port', so to speak. your guy sounds disrespectful and chauvinistic. Next!
mattelipstick Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 He sounds like a jerk who doesn't treat you very well. He already told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He already told you he doesn't want you to wait. So no -- there is no universe in which waiting for him sounds like a good idea. Lucky for you he's leaving so it should be easier to move on. 1
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I agree. I don't mean to typecast military guys but I have friends with military connections and I've been out and met some army guys before and they usually aren't looking for anything considered serious dating, simply because they are moving from place to place. I'm glad I passed on a couple of those types. Being in a relationship when someone might go into combat and at the very least will be traveling from place to place is hard even for the most committed individuals. I think you can definitely write him off having overheard him say that he "dodged the relationship bullet" to his friend.
Author whatwhit Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 Kind of annoyed that love shack combines past threads to new threads. A lot has changed since my original post. Didn't go into detail well, because I thought a whole new thread would be created. Thumbs down love shack thumbs down.
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