zoe121 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Hi all… I didn't know where else to turn in dealing with these overwhelming emotions. Back story- I have been with my ex for almost six years now.. we were engaged and planning our wedding about a month ago. I moved across the country to be with him (he is in the public eye) and he broke it off 2 weeks ago because we somehow can't figure out how to be happy together. Well a week ago he goes to Vegas and I find out he is hooking up with some instagram model there.. yes, an instagram model is a real thing apparently. She is a million times hotter than me and gets all this attention so imagine how ****ty I am already feeling about myself. We still live together and he come home and now i see him texting her all day and she writes subliminal messages about wanting to see someone all over social media. Social media is the devil for me right now because it hurts so much to look, but i can't fight my temptation to look and see whats going on. I feel so replaced and devastated and have intense feelings of jealousy. This is the love of my life and person i thought I was going to marry and now I have to deal with getting over him and him moving onto someone much better looking than me. When do these intense feelings turn into normal sadness? I feel like I can't bare it. I start a new job next week and I can't even think straight let alone not cry every 5 seconds.
Wewon Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 The bad news, there is no short cut to going through this in a way that is healthy. The good news, if you ride it out in a healthy way, not only will it pass, you come out stronger for it. If I was you, or you were my friend, my first thought would be to not have you do something that you may regret such as begging for him back, rebounding with some loser or taking some kind of revenge. That means you getting out of that house and moving on your own or temporarily with family and friends. Also, you need to realize that what you are seeing are his true colors. You may have seen glimpses of it during the 6 years together, but may have been able to deny it. My point is, you didn't lose a "great guy" you lost a selfish and insensitive jerk that goes to Vegas for hook ups and text his new exploit in front of you. This is hardly a loss in my book. 1
Jersey born raised Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 It starts with acceptance. Accept the relationship is over. Take inventory of what you experienced and how it applies to your life going forward. Start with one reason why he checked out of the relationship, how your response to it both in thought and action. The ongoing result of your intial thoughts and actions. Then write down one issue that you felt diminished the relationship for you. Repeat till you have half dozen on each side of the ledger. At that point you will begin to see a pattern develop for the both of you. Use this insight to guide you in a new relationship. My marriage failed after 13 years due to her adultery. It lasted that long because of what I learned from being dumped by my college fiancé. In a relationship sometimes it is not important that you get why something is important to the other person. You might/will never get it. Due it anyway. If it is important to them, it is important to the relationship. In my case it birthdays, flowers, etc. To me my birthday means nothing. I always looked at it as an important day for my parents. My point is I learned to always make a big deal out of what is important to the other person. My ex never learned this. After 8 or 9 years I began to detach and put less and less effort into things that mattered to her over the years. From my failed marriage I took two lessons: be direct and clear on what you think and feel and if a relationship is over it is over. End a relationship that is drifting and move on. 1
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