Kate3937 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 For point of view I'm 28, I tend to date a lot, either with apps or meeting people. But saying that I tend to take everything with a grain of salt and stay optimistic. Thurs, I went out with someone and had possibly the best date of my life. We went to a very nice bar, had 2 drinks some food, then went to another. He paid for everything even with me offering. We had amazing conversation, and just seemed to be on with everything. Talked about the first date no-nos, sex, marriage, religion, politics, and everything without skipping a beat. We kissed several times, held hands and he asked me out again mid date for the following week. Friday morning he messages me, tells me how glad he is to have met, and continues the chat. Dont speak on Saturday then Sunday there is casual chat and I get this. "I have been thinking and I'm probably not totally in the right place to be getting into something now, so I'm afraid its a one and done from me. Sorry to be a bit cliché, but equally probably easier/better just to be straightforward and honest etc" What could have happened where he went from full on to that? Just completely confused as if he wasnt interested, why pull out the stops, ask me out again, and confirm what a good time he had. If he were not interested just leave it, I'm a big girl I can handle it, where as this I am quite frankly a little bruised. Think I will hear from him again or he is just not that into me, and was playing the game?
Tribble Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Who knows why? At least he did it now instead of dates and dates down the line. He could be using this as an excuse or he could be telling the truth. Only he knows and beating yourself up over it isn't going to help. You didn't do anything wrong, it just didn't work out. Maybe he isn't over someone. Maybe he thought he was ready but it turns out he just isn't. It happens, it's happened to me and it's no reflection on the person I had the 1 date with. 1
Author Kate3937 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Thanks so much for the quick reply. I have racked my brain as to what "I have done wrong" when thats not fair to blame myself for something that may have nothing to do with me. Just frustrating as you think you actually were going to progress, at least to a fun 2nd date.
chj456 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 In retrospect, does it seem like he was "love-bombing" you, i.e. showering you with admiration to ensure you like him? It is very irregular to come on THAT strong and then go kaput all of a sudden. It sorta suggests narcissism. In which case, be glad. 3
soph-walker Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 If it seems to good to be true, it probably is. There's a hundred reasons why he's done a 180 flip, he could have had a better offer (sh*tty move), or he could have got carried away with the romance of it all. Either way, it's no reflection on you honey. It says more about him than you! I'm sure he will come to regret being so flippant, but you do you and carry on seeking out someone who is more stable in their feelings! 1
smudge21 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Yeah, don't beat yourself up thinking this was in some way your fault. Look back and really think, did you do anything wrong? Probably not. Sounds like you had the perfect date. Sadly these things happen. I've been at the receiving end of similar and it's so hard to have such a great time with someone, you go to bed happy and excited for the future, then you wake up the next day and there simply isn't one. Bummer! You spend the next few days or longer thinking it was your fault but the truth is sometimes people simply change their mind for whatever reason. Just tell yourself that you didn't do anything wrong, it was him, his choice... his loss. 1
Author Kate3937 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Thank you all, for helping me try and figure this all out. I think I usually have a pretty good gauge and this one just threw me for a loop as it just felt right, not forced, very interested then dropped like a hot potato. I cant get into his head which is frustrating but its true, better early than getting more invested. just such an odd feeling from that butterfly tummy and smile on your face to the complete opposite out of no where.
Imajerk17 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 If you peruse the threads on here Kate, you will see that this sort of thing--great first dates not leading to second dates as in this thread--is quite common. There are many many threads quite similar to this one that have been written on here before. I agree with the others--it wasn't anything you did or could have done.
SwordofFlame Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 This tends to happen rather often if you meet people using online dating. Maybe he met someone else who he liked even more?
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 It sucks but it happens all the time. Literally any reason could be behind this. Maybe he just got fired or his hours reduced and can't afford to date, maybe his ex resurfaced and he's confused, maybe he met someone else he likes more, maybe he just got carried away but there's some reason he doesn't want to pursue you any further... At the end of the day, it just doesn't matter at all. I guess in the future it might make you a tiny bit more wary when things just seem so perfect, not to put a dampener on things but even after a brilliant date I always remind myself it's just one date and anything can happen, keep my options open so to speak! It's all too tempting to have a great date then find yourself fantasising about what you'll call your future cat when the other person is in a totally different place. Sorry this happened to you... I doubt there's a person here it hasn't happened to if that makes you feel any better! 3
Author Kate3937 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) OOPS didnt mean to write in my own thread from last month, sorry guys! Edited February 10, 2016 by Kate3937
Toodaloo Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 If you peruse the threads on here Kate, you will see that this sort of thing--great first dates not leading to second dates as in this thread--is quite common. There are many many threads quite similar to this one that have been written on here before. I agree with the others--it wasn't anything you did or could have done. I can confirm this. At least he had the balls to say something. Put it down to a great evening and move on. Anyway just seen this is old - so how is it going these days?
smudge21 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Thank you all, for helping me try and figure this all out. I think I usually have a pretty good gauge and this one just threw me for a loop as it just felt right, not forced, very interested then dropped like a hot potato. I cant get into his head which is frustrating but its true, better early than getting more invested. just such an odd feeling from that butterfly tummy and smile on your face to the complete opposite out of no where. Had a great first date a while back and really thought I'd met a true soul mate (something I never thought existed) and it went perfect in every single detail. Went to bed that night feeling on top of the world. Next day, she's like a stranger to me and that was that. At least yours told you upfront, as harsh as that may seem, at least you're not holding on to hope now. People are odd at times. I could never have such a great time with someone and then just forget it all the next day. If I wasn't feeling it on the date, then it would be obvious and it'd probably end quickly... not last until 4am! I guess some people can just pretend to have a great time or simply turn off feelings instantly. They're the types non of us want in our lives.
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