DrunkenPirate16 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) Long story short, my girlfriend just left on a semester long study abroad session in Africa. She doesn't get cell reception and only gets internet at her school - which hasn't even started yet. So I haven't even heard a word from her in 4 days. The first day(s) we haven't talked since we met. Needless to say, I'm scared. I've heard so many horror stories about LDR's and never even imagined myself getting in to one, especially study abroad trips, because based on what I've read, the abroad partner wants to 'full immerse' themselves in the new culture even if that means relations with foreign people of said culture; but I do love her and we told each other we can make it work. However as I said, I'm really fricken scared. I'm scared she'll cheat (which according to literally everyone I've asked, the odds of it happening are 100%), I'm scared she'll come back a changed person and not even love me anymore, I'm scared she could decide she's having more fun there without me, and I'm scared I did the wrong thing when I told her to go when she was breaking down the few days before she left saying she didn't want to leave me. I should've told her to stay. And I would've, but she had the semester planned and paid for already since before we were a couple and I didn't want her to miss a semester of school. I should've been selfish and told her to stay. I want this work. I really do. I really love her. But I feel like my insecurities are eating me alive, being told over and over that she is going to cheat on me. I'm even at the point where I almost resent her for going - I feel like I had no priority at all, and she knew she was taking a huge risk to our relationship by leaving, and did it anyway. Despite the drawbacks of her staying, I should've been more important to her, right? But I felt like I was doing the right thing telling her to go. Now I regret it. Someone please talk some sense in to me. I'm going crazy. I've been cheated on in every relationship I've ever had by girls who weren't even long distance. I haven't expressed any of these insecurities to her because I don't ever want her to see me as a needy beta bux tool. But I don't know what to do. She's the girl of my dreams (besides leaving me for 5 months) and losing her is the last thing I want. I'm so close to just straight up telling her to come home. Edited January 18, 2016 by DrunkenPirate16
Maggie4 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Don't listen to those people. The odds of her cheating are NOT 100%. That's ridiculous. If you believe that, then it's over and she can never have a life without you assuming she will cheat. Some people adapt well and make friends with the locals, but a good number of people don't immerse well and end up feeling home sick all the time. You are making up scenarios in your mind and driving yourself crazy. You can stay in touch when she has internet. 5 months is not a long time.
Leucine Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) I'm in the camp that tends to believe the odds of your partner NOT trying to mingle with anyone else when living abroad for 5 months are fairly slim, and if your insecurities are eating you alive then you should either agree to take a break from your relationship and revisit things once she returns, or let go altogether. People change and grow apart in that time, and she may no longer be the "girl of your dreams" when you see her again. Edited January 18, 2016 by Leucine
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