spilledshampoo Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) hi, I made a thread here once and I need another advice. In the previous posts I talked about how I was a recluse nerd due to my illness (some kind of arthritis) and as my condition improved, I'm trying to have a relationship (I'm 31 yo btw). I also talked about me having a crush on a girl (we've only chat via messenger app, never met in person), but she rejected me (she said I was too late, and she already got bf). I'm having a hard time forgetting her (the rejection happened in early 2015) (we're still friends though, I tried deleting her from my chat app but we've reconnect and decided to pretend the whole delete/re-add/invite never happened). Now I started dating another girl (25 yo, she lives in another town-3 hours flight from here), we texted first on Jan'2, I went and met her on Jan'6 and we went on dates for several days and right now we're having LDR, I plan to visit her again next month. We call & chat daily, she's everything I could hope for in a girl, but I still can't forget my crush eg. I got jealous when she posts her pictures with her bf, I still imagine things that could be if only she's with me, and such. I tried analyzing the feeling, it could be caused by: the crush having a quality that's better than my current gf (ie. prettier, having a hobby similar to mine-she loves dog), perhaps my ego's acting up (Never had a serious relationship before thus haven't had a girl rejected me before) or maybe I'm having this current relationship just to fill the void? but on the other hand, my gf has even more quality and character that I want and need: mature & smarter than the crush, patient, can accept my physical condition, and physical wise, she's not bad either, it's safe to say that if I've never known the crush, I'll fall in love with my gf immediately. I used to think practically and logical, but this time the more I try to assess the feeling, the more I feel like an idiot. Is it normal to be in a relationship but still have a crush on someone else? any advice on how to handle this situation? I feel like a cheat for having a relationship with a girl (that I've met, dated, talked to physically) but at the same time having a crush on someone else who I've never even met physically before. Am I cheating for having a feeling like this? not sure if it's relevant: I haven''t had sex with gf and I also never think about the crush sexually. pls help Edited January 18, 2016 by spilledshampoo
CalvinJ23 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 you worry too much. you just met this new chick. you're not going to immediately get over a girl you've liked for over a year. and yes, the rejection does play a part in making her hard to get over. stop worrying and give your relationship time to mature.
Robratory Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Break contact with your crush. You've got a girlfriend now. You can't also separately have a friend who is a girl. That's why I never think it's a good idea to hang around girls after they tell you they don't like you "that way." I read your first posts, and there's no way to sugar coat it. Dating will be more challenging for you, not just because of your physical condition but also because you apparently don't live in a large metropolitan area. While I would never advise anyone to actually settle for what they don't want, I sure would caution them not to screw up something good. So don't screw up something that, so far, seems good. You can afford to visit her once a month and stay several days? That's great, but also, start thinking about what you'll do a bit more in the long term. Whether it's with this woman or someone else, are you prepared to move? Can you move? If they're willing to move, will your area offer similar opportunities? Ok, good luck! 1
Author spilledshampoo Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 you worry too much. you just met this new chick. you're not going to immediately get over a girl you've liked for over a year. and yes, the rejection does play a part in making her hard to get over. stop worrying and give your relationship time to mature. Hi CalvinJ23, it's comforting to know that it's a normal feeling. thanks! I hope I can get over it soon. Break contact with your crush. You've got a girlfriend now. You can't also separately have a friend who is a girl. That's why I never think it's a good idea to hang around girls after they tell you they don't like you "that way." that's the advice I read and tried to do when I deleted her from my contact list, but we've re-added each other after that. Since then I hid her status update feed and changed her name on the list to make it hidden at the bottom of the list (but i can't help to check her feed every now and then >_<). I never initiate contact with her (well, I did, once before I got a gf, won't happen again) and on some occasions when she's texting me first I tried to keep it brief (usually talked about our dogs). I'm the one that ignored her before when she's single (due to my illness) and I kept the friendship cordial, it just feels wrong to just broke contact after this whole thing. I told her about my feeling right after we re-add each other and we agreed to pretend that it never happened. I read your first posts, and there's no way to sugar coat it. Dating will be more challenging for you, not just because of your physical condition but also because you apparently don't live in a large metropolitan area.yep, that's why I jumped at the chance to met this new girl that currently become my gf While I would never advise anyone to actually settle for what they don't want, I sure would caution them not to screw up something good. yes, I ask & assure myself every day that I really want my gf and I'm not just settling for someone less. So don't screw up something that, so far, seems good. You can afford to visit her once a month and stay several days? That's great, but also, start thinking about what you'll do a bit more in the long term. Whether it's with this woman or someone else, are you prepared to move? Can you move? If they're willing to move, will your area offer similar opportunities? well.... I'm not really good at romance and I'm not interested in casual dating, so in our first date I said to her that I set myself to find a potential future wife, I told her everything about my illness, my hometown (and my partner would need to move with me), my bad habits, my dogs, and since I'm inexperienced about this dating stuff, instead of asking advice on internet or other people, I'll ask her directly. unrelated question: any idea what gift I should get her for valentine? one that says I'm not a cheap ass and I'm serious, but at the same time not saying "love me for my money". ?
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