Scilab2386 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 This girl and I dated for about 3 weeks and went on about 8 dates. Prior to meeting we talked nonstop for 1.5 weeks before met. It went super fast and before we knew it we were already acting like we were in a relationship. This caused her to become extremely distant quickly, after we slept together a couple times because she was not ready for a relationship. When I asked her why she was acting so hot/cold, she told me we needed to talk about it in person, that she didn't want a relationship and she was a confused person - but that she was interested in me and liked me a lot. This went on for almost two months, I never saw her again but we talked everyday. She just kept telling me we would talk soon, continued to flirt with me, string me along, etc. and I stupidly believed her. She has a very maxed out life already and I honestly thought she was trying, but at the same time know that people can make time for things that are important to them. I was not going into this hoping for a relationship, as I had just gotten out of a four year long one. I was just looking to casually date someone, but she pulled me in further than I wanted by being so attentive and charismatic before I even met her - and I agree it turned into the girlfriend zone way too quick. I felt very comfortable with her. However I felt like for the two months following our last date she constantly blamed me for all of it and it was both of our faults - instigated by her. She was the one texting me pictures of her kids and talking about our future activities and constantly telling me she was crazy about me and how our "relationship" would be so great. But after she told me we should talk the first time, I completely backed off because yes, I did like her. We talked a lot but no more cutsey names, etc. and it was not all day long anymore. Anyway it's such a long story and I can't possibly say it all. But I've never met someone so relationship phobic before that was so scared to even talk to me in person about it. It was almost offensive because I never voiced once that I wanted more and don't believe my actions indicated that any more than hers. So Finally two weeks ago, after two months of her making false promises and also dealing with the anniversary of my fathers death (i was very emotional) I got fed up and tired of her hot/cold act and making me wait(for what?) so I sent her a text saying that I gave up, but that I think she is a wonderful person and I'm sorry for anything I did wrong and I hope we can be friends at some point. She responded by blocking my number and deleting me off social media. I am so baffled over this and it honestly hurts. She had wished me a merry Christmas the day before. She told me she cared about me a lot. At this point, I was just hoping we could be friends, because although the we were talking, her behavior had clearly let me know she couldn't even handle dating, she was so terrified of something. Anyway I don't feel like I deserve this treatment and that it's a bit immature. I've been nothing but kind and patient to her...and I wasn't getting much out of it. I never called her or texted her that much. I never hurt her or pressured her and I feel like I'm being treated like a crazy ex or something. I saw value in her as a person, as a friend or whatever else so it is why I stuck around. I've never had anyone block me and I have to say it's the worst feeling in the world, especially not knowing why. It makes me question what I did wrong. I feel guilty and sad. Although our dating was short, because we kept in contact so closely for 3 months, I grew to care about her. She let me into her life probably too much, so I know a lot about her and feel like I lost a good friend. The only thing she didn't block me on was Instagram, although she unfollowed me. I'm feeling so depressed over this. I know I should let it go - my friends think she's a bit crazy and has been just manipulating me but I feel like deep down she's a great person and I just can't get over her blocking me. It's seems so harsh. She made such a huge deal about this "talk" that we were supposed to have, I don't see why it took so long for it to happen and it just made things so complicated. It was silly and I should have let it go awhile ago but I didn't and NOW I have feelings for her through all this drama. Do you think she will ever unblock me? Did I imply I never wanted to speak to her? I feel like maybe I did and that's why but I still don't get the blocking. I didn't mean i never wanted to speak to her, I just couldn't handle the runaround anymore. I felt like she could care less honestly and her attempts were becoming comical - texting me at 3am to talk, for example. My brain is just trying to figure out what happened and if she's really just vanished for good.
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 She jumped in, then someone who she is still emotionally attached to came around and pulled her back. She got confused, then made her choice to make it work with them.
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 She is just using you as her emotional band aid.
Author Scilab2386 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 She jumped in, then someone who she is still emotionally attached to came around and pulled her back. She got confused, then made her choice to make it work with them. She was married 6 years. Got a divorce two years ago and has only had one 3 month long relationship since with someone she absolutely despises. I doubt it, but who knows. Regardless, how does that warrant blocking me? At this point I'm pretty sure we were only trying to be friends anyway. AND I'm pretty sure if I had never texted her what I did we would still be talking. So I don't know.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 She was married 6 years. Got a divorce two years ago and has only had one 3 month long relationship since with someone she absolutely despises. I doubt it, but who knows. Regardless, how does that warrant blocking me? At this point I'm pretty sure we were only trying to be friends anyway. AND I'm pretty sure if I had never texted her what I did we would still be talking. So I don't know. It would make sense because she doesn't want texts or calls coming through from you when she's with someone else. Same goes for social media posts/likes/whatnot. My first guess was the same as Smackie's, that someone else has caught her attention but she keeps you hanging around in case it doesn't work out. She doesn't sound like someone whose word you can rely on, so I wouldn't be so quick to assume she's being totally honest about her past relationships either. (ie maybe this ex she "despises" is someone she actually really like but he ditched her) Just something to think about. In the end, you probably won't ever get the answer you're looking for. Illogical people do illogical things. It doesn't matter how nice we are to them, because they're not very concerned about our feelings, only their own. The bottom line is that you need to stop allowing yourself to be strung along by someone whose actions don't back up their words. I agree with your friends that there's something not right about her. This will eventually be a blessing in disguise for you, as I don't think she is someone who will make you happy. 1
Author Scilab2386 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) I understand that point of view. What confuses me about it, is that the last several weeks it was pretty much determined that we were meeting up in order to save a friendship. It wasn't about dating or a relationship anymore, so I don't see why it would be a problem for texts or social media likes to come through from a friend. Also she told me pretty much 500 times she was not in relationship mode and had a lot of crap to figure out in her life, so to me she would be the biggest a-hole in the world to constantly tell me that and then go be with someone else. But you're right I'll probably never know and she has made me miserable lately, so she is probably someone that isn't good for me anyway, but it doesn't change the fact that I care for her and it hurts what she is doing. Edited January 18, 2016 by Scilab2386 Spell
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 I understand that point of view. What confuses me about it, is that the last several weeks it was pretty much determined that we were meeting up in order to save a friendship. It wasn't about dating or a relationship anymore, so I don't see why it would be a problem for texts or social media likes to come through from a friend. Also she told me pretty much 500 times she was not in relationship mode and had a lot of crap to figure out in her life, so to me she would be the biggest a-hole in the world to constantly tell me that and then go be with someone else. But you're right I'll probably never know and she has made me miserable lately, so she is probably someone that isn't good for me anyway, but it doesn't change the fact that I care for her and it hurts what she is doing. I would have at least liked things to "end" on good terms. This just seems childish to me. She has two kids and is 34, I wouldn't expect such from her is all. id rather have her say, I can't talk to you anymore, not just avoid confrontation. It makes me feel worthless. OP, you're attaching too much value to her opinion of you. Of course what she did was hurtful and in my opinion juvenile, but she shouldn't have enough power to make you feel worthless. Her dilly-dallying and waffling is a reflection of her, not you. But you did enable it for too long. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how old she is or that she has kids. She can still be emotionally immature. I'm the same age as her, and I know others who behave like her too. This is why I wouldn't put it past her to be talking to someone else while promising to meet you to "talk." You say you didn't expect this from her, but this is the same woman who made excuses for 2 months, correct? She's not exactly the most upfront of individuals. You did the right thing in letting her know you're not going to play along anymore. Let her block you. It was only going to drag on longer anyway. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Why are you trying to keep a connection going with someone who strung you along for two months and has now blocked you on social media? You only dated for three weeks. At some point you're going to have to accept that she no longer wants to date you, be your friend, or whatever. Cut your losses and look elsewhere for someone who reciprocates your interest and wants the same things you do. She clearly doesn't.
Robratory Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 The word "friends" means different things to men and women. Men settle for friendship to be around girls who aren't interested in them. For their part, women offer friendship because they're afraid of totally rejecting you. We see it as a way of getting closer to what we want, and they see it as a way of getting rid of us. It can't possibly work. Even in the case where both want a platonic relationship, it can't work, or at least, it can't last. What happens when one or the other enters into a relationship? Well, now the bicycle has three wheels. Very few people, men or women, are going to accept that their sweetie has a "friend" on the side who's emotionally close and acts like a confidant. As for this woman, she's probably not acting maliciously. If someone took her aside and asked her why she was treating you this way, she would probably be crying, "You don't understand! I'm so confused! I have so much crap in my life to figure out! Why is nobody worried about me? All I hear is him, him, him!" She's basically someone with problems. Her whole life must be one never-ending dramafest. Don't be miserable. Have some empathy for her. Her issues will make her far more miserable than they'll ever make you. Next time, don't fall for women whose lives are drama. Women are supposed to be the ones who take in wounded birds and heal them, but we men do that too. But we can't solve other people's problems, and we don't wind up helping them and we just wind up hurt ourselves.
Author Scilab2386 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 I guess I forgot to mention that we are both women. I do think it can be hard for men and women to be friends, but it's a little different here I think. I do agree that I let it go on too long. But in the beginning she was such a different, really cool person and I haven't wanted to lose that. I don't meet a lot of people friends or otherwise, that I have a good connection with. But I agree, she must have some deep issues because I will never understand her actions the last two months. This is by far the weirdest dating experience I've ever encountered. But because of it, I care about it/her way more than I should. I don't feel worthless, I just feel completely disregarded. Like I had/have no value to her. And after all the emotional drama she put me through, I feel like I at least deserved the respect of her telling me she couldn't speak to me anymore, not to just block my number and flee. If I wrote down everything conflicting thing she has said to me, it would make more sense, but it's just too much to write here. But it was unreal and it's so messed up because we did only date for 3 weeks, but we got SO close and then she kept me emotionally hitched for two months - so I'm having a hard time just letting go. The last month I finally let go on the dating thing and just had hoped to keep her as a friend, but it didn't make a difference in her behavior. I don't understand how people can act like this is all. I feel kind of stupid that I'm even giving her thought but she totally messed with my head. But I think deep down she is a good person and unfortunately caring for people too much is my worst quality. I have a need to fix things and people but I know I can't. Like I want her to be okay.
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