LilaMarie Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 I always think everyone is super nice and friendly at work. Just need everyone's opinion on this. Does he like me? This coworker and I laugh frequently and sometimes communicate all day at work using an instant messenger. I've shared things I haven't even shared with the guy I've been seeing for months now. So he texted me Friday after happy hour with coworkers (I ended not going bc I could not find the place). HIM: Man, I'm so mad at you...smh can't believe you flaked HIM: I wouldn't have went if I knew you wouldn't go. HIM: You owe me a hangout ...with or without the coworkers. And I'm holding you to it. HIM: Now I'm looking forward to see you on chill mode. We then talked about this coworker not showing up and his reply was.. HIM: I don't blame him though was mostly going for you myself can't lie. HIM: She notices I give her no extra attention and hates it. She doesn't like how much attention I give you lol it drives her nuts I just want to be assured he is just being friendly. Makes it awkward at work when someone let's you know they are into you (already avoiding a guy in another dept. that gave me his phone number 'in case' I want to talk to him and he mentioned how he likes how I dress and my personality blah blah).
Author LilaMarie Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 He's hitting on you..... Ugh...this is not the answer I was hoping for. Thanks Smackie9
preraph Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 I always think everyone is super nice and friendly at work. Just need everyone's opinion on this. Does he like me? This coworker and I laugh frequently and sometimes communicate all day at work using an instant messenger. I've shared things I haven't even shared with the guy I've been seeing for months now. So he texted me Friday after happy hour with coworkers (I ended not going bc I could not find the place). HIM: Man, I'm so mad at you...smh can't believe you flaked HIM: I wouldn't have went if I knew you wouldn't go. HIM: You owe me a hangout ...with or without the coworkers. And I'm holding you to it. HIM: Now I'm looking forward to see you on chill mode. We then talked about this coworker not showing up and his reply was.. HIM: I don't blame him though was mostly going for you myself can't lie. HIM: She notices I give her no extra attention and hates it. She doesn't like how much attention I give you lol it drives her nuts I just want to be assured he is just being friendly. Makes it awkward at work when someone let's you know they are into you (already avoiding a guy in another dept. that gave me his phone number 'in case' I want to talk to him and he mentioned how he likes how I dress and my personality blah blah). Oh, no, he's not just being friendly. He's openly hitting on you. And you've let it go this far by talking to him too much. Unless you want to leave your present bf and give this one a shot, you need to tell him you have to shut it down. You're going to have guys at work hating each other over you and you are contributing some, so unless you want to get blamed for it, better have a serious talk and tell him you both need to go back to being professional and not try to see each other after work. 1
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Tip: don't message a guy daily if you have no romantic interest in....to him it means something. 8
Author LilaMarie Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Oh, no, he's not just being friendly. He's openly hitting on you. And you've let it go this far by talking to him too much. Unless you want to leave your present bf and give this one a shot, you need to tell him you have to shut it down. You're going to have guys at work hating each other over you and you are contributing some, so unless you want to get blamed for it, better have a serious talk and tell him you both need to go back to being professional and not try to see each other after work. But I don't twirl my hair, I don't go by their desk...I don't flirt. Honestly I don't. Yeah, I guess no more pranks at work and no IM anyone. Saddens me but it's what I need to do (but the other dude had no reason to hit on me bc I was just being friendly by asking him to tell everyone in his dept. that they could eat the cake I brought).
Zippy2000 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Tip: don't message a guy daily if you have no romantic interest in....to him it means something. Agree with Smackie. Don't go replying to his messages if you're not interested. It sends of the wrong message. I mean do you message your bestnfriend everyday? No, so why do it?
Author LilaMarie Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 Well today there was no doubt left...he tried to put his hands around my neck to 'warm' his hands. So yeah....
Zippy2000 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Well, he is now flirting with you. I ususally gauge a womans interest. If a woman texts me whenever I initiate contact. I begin to think she does like me. If a woman doesnt respond or takes forver to reply then I also get the message shes NOT interested. You need to tell him youre seeing someone as its not fair on your current partner and its a waste of this other mans time as the more time you reply to him and the more he gets to know you. He will start to get invested and will push harder. You need to start slowing your response times or not reply at all OR Just tell him you about your plans about a weekend away with your boyfriend THEN watch this other man fade when he hears the word "boyfriend".
smackie9 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Well today there was no doubt left...he tried to put his hands around my neck to 'warm' his hands. So yeah.... To ward him off, tell him that his actions there was not appropriate and your BF would not appreciate it. 1
Author LilaMarie Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 Thanks to those that responded. Have responded to his IMs with 'sir' in the reply and only responding to work-related inquiries and keeping it super short. Why can't men and women just be friends?
preraph Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 But I don't twirl my hair, I don't go by their desk...I don't flirt. Honestly I don't. Yeah, I guess no more pranks at work and no IM anyone. Saddens me but it's what I need to do (but the other dude had no reason to hit on me bc I was just being friendly by asking him to tell everyone in his dept. that they could eat the cake I brought). At work, you're expected to act polite and somewhat friendly, but anything beyond that is not appropriate. And since everyone knows you're not supposed to flirt at work, there's a lot of confusion about is she flirting with me because she is always texting me or talking to me or laughing. In other words, at work, a little goes a long ways and it's super easy to be thought to be flirting if you are just acting normal. You have to be more reserved at work if you don't want to end up in some complicated situations.
Imajerk17 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Well, before you blame it all on the guy here, lets look at it this way: Suppose a fella came in here and mentioned a coworker he spends all day IMing and who tells him all sorts of things. We'd tell the fella that if he is interested, then--given the signs his female coworker has been given--make a move. That's what this guy did. OP you were in the wrong for not mentioning your boyfriend sooner. You were flirting w your male coworker. I have to call it as I see it. I mean think about it--would you have been IMing so much w a FEMALE coworker? 1
introverted1 Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 Well, before you blame it all on the guy here, lets look at it this way: Suppose a fella came in here and mentioned a coworker he spends all day IMing and who tells him all sorts of things. We'd tell the fella that if he is interested, then--given the signs his female coworker has been given--make a move. That's what this guy did. OP you were in the wrong for not mentioning your boyfriend sooner. I have to call it as I see it. I mean think about it--would you have been IMing so much w a FEMALE coworker? I could not agree more. OP stated: This coworker and I laugh frequently and sometimes communicate all day at work using an instant messenger. I've shared things I haven't even shared with the guy I've been seeing for months now. The best way to head off at the pass (supposed) unwanted flirtation is not to invite it in the first place. 1
Robratory Posted January 20, 2016 Posted January 20, 2016 HIM: She notices I give her no extra attention and hates it. She doesn't like how much attention I give you lol it drives her nuts I just want to be assured he is just being friendly. Makes it awkward at work when someone let's you know they are into you (already avoiding a guy in another dept. that gave me his phone number 'in case' I want to talk to him and he mentioned how he likes how I dress and my personality blah blah). Maybe he's not good at making it clear, but I can assure you of this. Unless you have a clear and strong common interest in something, you can be sure that any attention a man pays you is that kind of attention. Men are not "friendly." Sorry but no. They do not hang around women they do not find attractive enough to have sex with.
Author LilaMarie Posted January 20, 2016 Author Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) OP you were in the wrong for not mentioning your boyfriend sooner. You were flirting w your male coworker. I have to call it as I see it. I mean think about it--would you have been IMing so much w a FEMALE coworker? I did not have a boyfriend at that time or now. Very rarely do I talk about a guy being in my life at work. There ARE some women at work that message all day gossiping. Just to clarify. Nice to hear everyone's opinion Edited January 20, 2016 by LilaMarie
Author LilaMarie Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 Update. Well things didn't work out with the last guy and now the co-worker and I have hung out twice and he is already making plans about me putting my house up for sale and that I should follow him and move to California with him... this is just crazy.
MrMeh Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 Update. Well things didn't work out with the last guy and now the co-worker and I have hung out twice and he is already making plans about me putting my house up for sale and that I should follow him and move to California with him... this is just crazy. Why did you hang out with him?
Author LilaMarie Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 Why did you hang out with him? Because I realized I liked him.
joseb Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 Update. Well things didn't work out with the last guy and now the co-worker and I have hung out twice and he is already making plans about me putting my house up for sale and that I should follow him and move to California with him... this is just crazy. I think you know enough to keep away from him!
ashy555 Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 From looking at your photo.. He's hitting on you
Author LilaMarie Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 I think you know enough to keep away from him! He is a great guy (great work ethic, everyone loves him at work, super thoughtful and sweet, very smart, speaks several languages)...but I am a realistic person and I know he is not thinking clearly (the brain is releasing those chemicals).
Popsicle Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) I always think everyone is super nice and friendly at work. Just need everyone's opinion on this. Does he like me? This coworker and I laugh frequently and sometimes communicate all day at work using an instant messenger. I've shared things I haven't even shared with the guy I've been seeing for months now. So he texted me Friday after happy hour with coworkers (I ended not going bc I could not find the place). HIM: Man, I'm so mad at you...smh can't believe you flaked HIM: I wouldn't have went if I knew you wouldn't go. HIM: You owe me a hangout ...with or without the coworkers. And I'm holding you to it. HIM: Now I'm looking forward to see you on chill mode. We then talked about this coworker not showing up and his reply was.. HIM: I don't blame him though was mostly going for you myself can't lie. HIM: She notices I give her no extra attention and hates it. She doesn't like how much attention I give you lol it drives her nuts I just want to be assured he is just being friendly. Makes it awkward at work when someone let's you know they are into you (already avoiding a guy in another dept. that gave me his phone number 'in case' I want to talk to him and he mentioned how he likes how I dress and my personality blah blah). Umm, he likes you. This is obvious to me. This is more than just being friendly. Have you told him you have a boyfriend or not interested in more than platonic friends? Don't lead him on, it's not nice. Not at all. Edited February 12, 2016 by Popsicle
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