myownfault Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 I maintained NC with my MM for nearly a month.....but I caved in to his phone calls and text messages last week. I am not sure what his intentions were but he left my phone number on his phone knowing that his wife looks through his things on a daily basis. It seems he erased all of his calls and messages sent to me and left just 1 message that I sent to him. So his wife called me flipping out. She was convinced that I have been trying to pursue him...... so I sent her back the messages that he had sent me and she hasn't called me back since then.....Thank God I can't understand what he is thinking. He calls me and tells me he loves me, can't live without me, etc. etc. then, according to his wife, he totally trashes me. At this point I think that he needs some serious mental help. Anyway, I just received a letter from him with cash in it for my birthday. I do not want his lies or his money. At first I was tempted to send it back to his wife so she will see that I am not the one is trying to hold on to him nor do I want his money (she tells everyone i was with him for his money). But I don't want to instigate anymore trouble. Another option that I considered was just giving it to one of the girls who works in his office so they can return it to him. (everyone at the office knows me and he has sent me letters through some of the employees before) . I am really not sure how to go about it but I do not want to keep this money. I do not want anything from him. Any suggestions?
Marie1973 Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Wow I can't believe all this u r going threw. He obviously can't live without u if he keeps trying to contact you. Of course his wife is going to say that he trashes you, she wants you to think that they are soooooooo happy together, which now u know isn't the truth since he is trying to get into contact with you. You are obviously still on his mind. When the wife calls, don't even let her get u on the phone, tell her u don't have time to listen to her BS, just hang up. Don't listen to a word she has to say. Whatever she says is going to hurt you maybe, & you don't want that. Myownfault, he obviously does still love you & can't get you off his mind. The calls, the card proves it all. If he was happy with his wife, he wouldn't be contacting you at all. I just have a feeling that he will be back. Try to stay strong. Just put the card & $$ on the side for now.
Mr Spock Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 How much cash?? If it's less than 200 keep it, and take a close girlfriend out to dinner with it. No more contact. Let them have their crappy ass marriage......
kkat Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 How much money? Where do you live? Shall we meet for a day of shopping? Just kidding, except am curious how much money. Look, here's the deal. Plain and simple. 1. Your ex-MM is still addicted, crazy, obsessed, in love with you - whatever, however best labeled. 2. He is obviously lacking both backbone and self integrity in that he is too weak to live his life truthfully - and I mean primarily in truth with himself, but also with others. Instead he lives the life most convenient to him - e.g. he stays married to someone who he is unable and unwilling to be honest with and committed to. 3. His wife loves him and/or wants her marriage to survive, and therefore cannot admit the truth to herself as it is too painful to accept that it's her husband who is treating her so hideously. Therefore, she will believe any b.s. he spews out of his mouth, including that you are the sole reason the A happened, that you stalk him night and day, etc. He is going to blame you as long as he can get away with it, and she will blame you as long as possible because it's the least painful way to deal with the dynamics of a love triangle. If you read some of the other posts here and on the Infidelity forum, you'll see that this is a common theme with the BS community. It's a natural reaction - it's not generally accurate or fair -- but it is self-preservation for the BS. 4. It seems you are ready, willing and able to exit this relationship 100% and forever. So for now, just go back to no contact, and see what happens. Keep the envelope or whatever the cash came in, just in case this situation rears its ugly head again, but realistically, the messages you showed her from him may have gotten her attention, she may now realize it is him not you doing the pursuing, and she may have locked him in a closet so tightly he will have to leave you alone. Let's hope. 5. If he appears again via phone, text, etc. - or if she does - let either of them know that you demand they not contact you again. If he had keys to your home or any of your security codes, passwords etc. - change them.
newbby Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 well he sounds seriously screwed up, perhaps he is one of these men who plays different women against each other in the hope they will argue over him cos that makes him feel good. i think all mm who have affairs need their egos feeding more than most but he sounds quite extreme. he is a player thats for sure. i know what you mean about the money but to be honest i dont think it will make alot of difference to him if you keep it or not, if you dont he will just try a different tack, he is trying to make you feel obligated to him but a gift is a gift at the end of the day and if he tries to use it against you then you can just point that out, if you give it back in whatever way it kind of gives him reason to contact you again.if he contacts you anyway asking if you recieved it you could just say "yes thanks" and leave it at that. i dont know, are you worried about how to get rid of him?
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