Vintage79 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I met a great girl about a year ago - things have been great, seeing each other plenty, no real hang-ups...pretty smooth sailing. That part is great - I'm wondering more about what's typical on an intimacy front at 1 year, and how that evolves from when things started. Example: When we first started being intimate, we would frequently have sex 5+ times/week, make out all the time, etc. Now, while we still make out almost all the time (a bit less frequent), the rate of sex has definitely fallen, to maybe twice/week, even though we see each other maybe 4-5 times/week. I'm fine with a few times/week, but I'm hoping to get an idea of what typical is, in terms of intimacy (sex, dating frequency, amount of making out), to know if I should be concerned, or not. My guess is to not be concerned, but I ask, as she mentioned the sex frequency yesterday - stating that I don't seem to want it (my perspective is she doesn't seem to want it - so there's obviously a potential communication gap that we could work on). Obviously, however, it's still part of our interactions, just less significant. Should be I concerned, or is this typical/normal/healthy?
soph-walker Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Sometimes that 'got to have you 50 times a day' feeling wears off, sometimes your sex drives aren't in sync. I'd say after a year, you're sort of exiting honeymoonville..not totally, but the road sign is imminent if you catch my drift! It's times like this to keep fuelling your car (your relationship) so once you have left honeymoonville, you will have enough in the tank to sustain a long journey. It's good you're still making out though, one of the first things to go in a bad relationship is kissing!
Ami1uwant Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 With the sex...are you trying and she is saying she is tired?
Author Vintage79 Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 With the sex...are you trying and she is saying she is tired? No - she's not saying she's tired. I try to escalate a bit, she seems a bit meh, so I stop trying in the assumption that she's not interested. So to me, I think she's not interested, to her, it could seem like I'm not that interested - but as stated - we're still having sex on a weekly basis, just not as frequent as before.
Gaeta Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 No - she's not saying she's tired. I try to escalate a bit, she seems a bit meh, so I stop trying in the assumption that she's not interested. So to me, I think she's not interested, to her, it could seem like I'm not that interested - but as stated - we're still having sex on a weekly basis, just not as frequent as before. There is no normal, there is what makes you both happy. Seems you want more, she wants more but none of you 2 speaks about it. 1
Author Vintage79 Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 There is no normal, there is what makes you both happy. Seems you want more, she wants more but none of you 2 speaks about it. That's kind of what I'm thinking - I didn't realize there was a disconnect until she said something - and what she said was more in passing than a front and center comment.
Ami1uwant Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 That's kind of what I'm thinking - I didn't realize there was a disconnect until she said something - and what she said was more in passing than a front and center comment. What did she say exactly? Each person has their own sex drive in terms how many days with sex is their norm. Early on in a relationship some get that initial craving, but after the relationship settles down it becomes more of what the person is normally. Thus isn't just with sx but other relationship patterns line spending all werkends with you the starting to spend time with friends.
Gaeta Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 That's kind of what I'm thinking - I didn't realize there was a disconnect until she said something - and what she said was more in passing than a front and center comment. Also you can't expect a woman to always have the same sex drive through the month. It's normal on some weeks we're more into it and other times that's the last thing we have on our mind. We have to deal with being at the mercy of our hormones which is something men don't experience and forget about. Maybe that is why sometimes men feel we're sending them mixed signals. 1
Author Vintage79 Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 Also you can't expect a woman to always have the same sex drive through the month. It's normal on some weeks we're more into it and other times that's the last thing we have on our mind. We have to deal with being at the mercy of our hormones which is something men don't experience and forget about. Maybe that is why sometimes men feel we're sending them mixed signals. Men have hormones as well - but the fluctuations are less. Regardless - I don't think this is hormone driven, based on the fact that we likely both had the same thought - the other person wanting it less... 1
soph-walker Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Also you can't expect a woman to always have the same sex drive through the month. It's normal on some weeks we're more into it and other times that's the last thing we have on our mind. We have to deal with being at the mercy of our hormones which is something men don't experience and forget about. Maybe that is why sometimes men feel we're sending them mixed signals. This is so well put, I agree totally and hope/wish that it would be more of an understanding to men. There are times when my drive peaks and troughs dependent on my time of month. And guys, to maybe a smaller extent experience these peaks and troughs too..stress is a passion killer, as is physical tiredness. OP, I'm sure if you open up a bit of dialogue, all will resolve itself or shed a better understanding of the problem you're experiencing. Wish you well! 1
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