KindlyUnspoken23 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) So, I have just started talking to someone and went on a date for the first time in 5 months since my last serious situation “ghosted” me. So, my trust and anxiety is already a little higher than it should normally be. Me and this guy matched on Tindr last Saturday, and talked for 6 hours that night. We learned a lot about each other and the convo flowed well. He mentioned that he was leaving the next day for a business trip as he does travel a lot for work, and he was sad he was leaving because he’d really like to meet me. During the week he was gone we texted as much as we could. I didn’t freak out during lengths of time because I knew he was working, and I was too. I got a good morning text every morning, which had never happened to me before, and a good night text every night. We met on Friday for dinner (he got in Friday afternoon), and things seemed to go well. Again, the conversation flowed and everything seemed really natural. He walked me to my car afterwards and said he had a great time, and we hugged goodbye. He told me to text him when I got home. Before I even got home, I got a text that said, “thank you so much for meeting me out tonight! I had a really awesome time. What did you think of everything?” I replied when I got home and told him I had a great time as well, and would be interested in going out again if he was. He said, “I would! Nothing worried/bothered you at all?” I told him not so far and we seemed to be on the same page with everything which is great. He said he also didn't have any red flags, and I threw out an idea for a 2nd date, which he seemed to like. The next day, Saturday, I got my good morning text, but the convo was veryyyyy sparse. We barely talked all day. That evening he told me he should’ve warned me he’s very bad at responding to texts in a timely fashion, but he was going out with some friends to play poker. I told him while I was doing the dishes I came up with an awesome addition to the date idea, and he wanted to hear it. I told him, and then he never responded. I sent him a quick goodnight text before bed but didn’t hear back. This morning, I got my good morning text and a little brief convo about his night/and his plans for today. Am I wrong in feeling like the convo should still be flowing naturally between us? I don’t think he’s lost or losing interest because I wouldn’t still be getting those good morning texts, but I feel like we’re not asking questions, etc. Why doesn’t he seem willing to confirm plans for a 2nd date? And, how can I not let my recent ghosting experience ruin things with this guy by coming off too clingy? Thanks in advance for any tips & advice! Edited January 17, 2016 by KindlyUnspoken23 Forgot a word
soph-walker Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Hello I would be direct and ask if he can make the 2nd date. I wouldn't look to far into his lack of response, some people don't see responding within a reasonable timescale a priority unless you're in a relationship. It's sucky, but it's sometimes a reality. Sometimes I am a little lacklustre in replying to texts/messages if I am at work, or involved in a task at hand. Wishing you luck, go secure that second date! And be a little flirty!
Peachland Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I wouldn't bring up the 2nd date. Let him bring it up and confirm it. The ball is in his court. In the meantime continue to meet and date other men.
soph-walker Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I wouldn't bring up the 2nd date. Let him bring it up and confirm it. The ball is in his court. In the meantime continue to meet and date other men. OP has nothing to lose in being direct. If he doesn't reply/confirm, then she knows to cut him loose and carry on dating other guys, guys that would want to see her. I think leaving balls in other's courts is useful for some, but if you're into someone and want to see them, it's a game of two halves and sometimes you need an answer.
Peachland Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 OP has nothing to lose in being direct. If he doesn't reply/confirm, then she knows to cut him loose and carry on dating other guys, guys that would want to see her. I think leaving balls in other's courts is useful for some, but if you're into someone and want to see them, it's a game of two halves and sometimes you need an answer. I hear what you're saying. I guess I would be the page of confirming his interest in OP. Interested men will be proactive in setting up dates. He may go on the next date because OP brought up it again but maybe his interest is lukewarm. I know I pursued a 2nd date with a guy I was super interested but later realized he was probably just being nice and wasn't as interested as I was. OP, do what you feel is comfortable. 1
Ami1uwant Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I hear what you're saying. I guess I would be the page of confirming his interest in OP. Interested men will be proactive in setting up dates. He may go on the next date because OP brought up it again but maybe his interest is lukewarm. I know I pursued a 2nd date with a guy I was super interested but later realized he was probably just being nice and wasn't as interested as I was. OP, do what you feel is comfortable. Not necessarily true....if he hasn't dated much since his divorce/LTR break uphe may not ask right after. If he has had bad dating luck where conversations prior were good but first date was a failure and he asked snd they said no or yes then poofed on him..he may take a different approach. With Saturday he likely already had plans and not sitting snd texting all day. 1
soph-walker Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Peachland and AmI, agree with both of these viewpoints. I think to assume anything on behalf of someone you don't know is very tricky, which is why I personally like to be direct and ask for something I want, that way, there's no assuming or guess work. There could be a hundred reasons for someone, male or female, to not text back. It could be hesitation, nervousness, lack of confidence, busyness..the list is endless. Shy bairns get nowt
introverted1 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 So, I have just started talking to someone and went on a date for the first time in 5 months since my last serious situation “ghosted” me. So, my trust and anxiety is already a little higher than it should normally be. Me and this guy matched on Tindr last Saturday, and talked for 6 hours that night. We learned a lot about each other and the convo flowed well. He mentioned that he was leaving the next day for a business trip as he does travel a lot for work, and he was sad he was leaving because he’d really like to meet me. During the week he was gone we texted as much as we could. I didn’t freak out during lengths of time because I knew he was working, and I was too. I got a good morning text every morning, which had never happened to me before, and a good night text every night. This seems like a lot of contact considering you had not even met. We met on Friday for dinner (he got in Friday afternoon), and things seemed to go well. Again, the conversation flowed and everything seemed really natural. He walked me to my car afterwards and said he had a great time, and we hugged goodbye. He told me to text him when I got home. Before I even got home, I got a text that said, “thank you so much for meeting me out tonight! I had a really awesome time. What did you think of everything?” I replied when I got home and told him I had a great time as well, and would be interested in going out again if he was. He said, “I would! Nothing worried/bothered you at all?” I told him not so far and we seemed to be on the same page with everything which is great. He said he also didn't have any red flags, and I threw out an idea for a 2nd date, which he seemed to like. I don't do OLD so perhaps the bits I've bolded are common, but they seem odd to me. I've never asked nor been asked whether anything "worried/bothered" me after a first date. The next day, Saturday, I got my good morning text, but the convo was veryyyyy sparse. We barely talked all day. That evening he told me he should’ve warned me he’s very bad at responding to texts in a timely fashion, but he was going out with some friends to play poker. I told him while I was doing the dishes I came up with an awesome addition to the date idea, and he wanted to hear it. I told him, and then he never responded. I sent him a quick goodnight text before bed but didn’t hear back. This morning, I got my good morning text and a little brief convo about his night/and his plans for today. So the texting was hot and heavy before you met, then, afterwards he announced that he's bad at responding? Am I wrong in feeling like the convo should still be flowing naturally between us? I don’t think he’s lost or losing interest because I wouldn’t still be getting those good morning texts, but I feel like we’re not asking questions, etc. Why doesn’t he seem willing to confirm plans for a 2nd date? And, how can I not let my recent ghosting experience ruin things with this guy by coming off too clingy? Thanks in advance for any tips & advice! I think something isn't right.
Author KindlyUnspoken23 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Thanks for the advice and opinions guys. He asked me out again for Wednesday. Again he acted excited and said we could do dinner and a movie but it didn't matter because he just wanted to see me again! I gotta do some stress relieving exercises, haha
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