Rachelle1 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 My ex was very abusive towards me. Because of all the abuse and a stalking incident I was going through I had a mervous breakdown and I took off. After I took off I was hospitalized and am doing way better today. My ex and I were together for 7 years, throughout the relationship he would cheat and talk to other girls. He was emotionally and verbally abusive, always putting me down. There was physical abuse and relationship rape going on when he was drunk. He never worked so I was taking care of all the bills while he would party with his friends and slept in late. When he had seizures or was sick becaise of the drug use I was by his side every step pf the way. I even had to take abuse from his friends. He never took his career seriously. While I was hospitalized he met some other girl. When i finally rehabilitated he said you took too long. Which was 5 months after 7 year relationship. I live with my dad and things are calm here. I feel a sense of peace that I havent felt in a very long time so I am thankful for that. My ex lives 3 hours away and has invited me to visit with him asking me to rub his back like I used to. I hesistated and he said youre already over it. My ex says that he and his girlfriend are only quote unquote friends. He says he is single amd he is allowed to have "friends." So I said if you can have "friends" so can I. He tells me no I can not. He is about to lose his career because he chose to party instead of getting the required education. I really tried to get him to go to school. He has asked me to help him with school and even asked me to take over payments of his car when he loses his career. Everytime I bring up the girl thing he gets mad and tells me that he is single and he is damaged goods because of me. Although he was abusive in all forms, cheated on me like no other, had a drug and alcohol problem. I do not know how to separate myself from him. When I left the first time there was no contact for 5 months and when I started getting better I contacted him. Now it is hard when I have feelings for him. I just got sick. If I never got sick I never would have left him.
Author Rachelle1 Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 I just wanted to add that these reason why I am here asking this question is because On friday I told him that I told my friend that when i went to visit him that his girlfriend called and text all the time. He later sent me a text saying I am single I do not like you telling people I have a girlfriend. I am not doing you or me any favors have a good life. He sent me that text when he was drunk. I said it must be true if it bothers you that much. He then replied i didnt mean what I said I still need you in my life. I just replied back I want to relax and to have a good evening. The next day, saturday, i called him and he replied with text whats up. I said i want to talk about what was said and he said he would call in a little bit but he never called and knowing him he probably will not call. A part of me thinks that he is so used to me saving him and getting him out of trouble that he is trying to keep me. I feel so bad for his situation. He wants me to give to him but he doesnt want to give to me in return. Apart of my belief system tells me to help people when they ask for help when I am capable and the other selfish half of me says let him fall. I just feel terrible and trapped
ExpatInItaly Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 You are likely going to need some intensive therapy to break this addiction to him. He's a terrible person and you are still being abused, emotionally. I am not saying that to be unkind but I strongly believe it will take the support and guidance of a professional to truly help you break your codependency habits. You aren't doing this to help him, per se; you're doing it to feel needed and loved. You want to feel that he needs you, which is a horribly toxic cycle. But he doesn't need you and he isn't going to change. You have to be the one to implement positive changes in your life, and it absolutely cannot include him. Go No Contact. Delete his number. Block it. Read up on codependency. Look into getting a consultation with a good therapist. You really need to start a new chapter in life for you. There is much better out there waiting for you, if you will allow it. 2
Captivating Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Rachelle, I absoulutely agree with ExpatInItaly ! Your ex bf is a worthless lazy leach. In all relationships try to look at what the other person does for you. He doesn't do anything but expect everything from you. How is that fair? HE IS USING YOU and You are enabling him for some reason. You DO NOT OWE HIM ANYTHING !!!!! He needs to get his **** together, be self sufficient and provide for himself. NOT YOU !!! You are way better to be around a person who not only wants to use you but also disrespectful to you. What's in this for you?? NOTHING !! You deserve way better that this , right? So, start dating again and look for a person who adds to your life, to your growth, supportive, KIND, COMPASSIONATE, CARING, responsible, not lazy and able to give/receive love for you. Don't settle anything less than these. How to break an obsession towards a worthless abusive person ?? You need to analyze the situation and him objectively. Also why is it OK for you to be treated like this ? If someone is disrespectful with you, it's time to move on. How you perceive yourself that's how others will perceive you. SET BOUNDARIES, standards in a relationship. If someone disrespect you, call them out on it in a classy but firm way. They will never do it again. If someone is always late for the dates, wait 10 minutes then leave. They will learn !!! There is video in my signature (under) that I would love you to watch, it helped me !
mightycpa Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Ditto to the above. You should really turn your phone off, eliminate all distractions and sit down alone, with your thoughts and a pencil and paper. You need to examine yourself to find out what it is exactly that draws you to this person. I suspect you love who you think he could be, not who he is. That's a fool's game, and the sooner you get clued into the difference between what you feel and reality, the better. Take the time to understand your motivations. You have to cure yourself, and the sooner, the better. Good luck. Get started. Right now would not be too soon. 1
Recommended Posts