DoritoLover Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Hi again guys, Quick backstory: My girlfriend of 6 years and I split up recently, I found out she was into another guy who she later claimed was just a crush even though she went on a date with him just a week after we split up. I took the break up pretty hard and I'm still struggling, there's not a day goes by that I don't think about her and last night was the first time since before Christmas that I plucked up the courage to talk to another woman in a social setting. I ended up going to a gig with her and had a really good night out, even though my ex was still on my mind. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good about myself for talking to and having fun with another woman. Then my phone rang, I knew it was her so I didn't answer. Then the phone rang again, and again. On the third call I picked up, it was my ex. She asked me how I was, how my studies are going (I'm a mature student studying towards a degree) and then she said I sounded tired and asked me if I'd had a late night. I didn't go into any details, just said I'd been out to watch a band and enjoyed myself. Also last night it snowed, she asked me if I'd seen the snow, the first few times we dated was during heavy snowfall so I think she was expecting me to talk about our first few dates, I didn't, I just commented on how cold it was and left it at that. This call had raised a few questions: Why after the first night out when I enjoyed myself with another woman (nothing happened, just had fun hanging out at the gig with her), why would she call to ask about my night out? Why did she ask about my studies? If she's not interested in me why would she care how my life is going? Why after 8 hard days of no contact would she call? Wh would she bring up the snow, when she knows it's always something we romanticised about during our relationship? Weirdly feel better after talking to her, I think mainly because she called me and I have resisted breaking no contact many times in the last 8 days. Any thoughts on why she called, and any help with what you guys think my next move should be would be great!
Survivor12 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Most important question: If you were NC, why did you answer the phone knowing it was her? If you had truly been NC, you wouldn't be torturing yourself trying to analyze everything she said. To answer your questions-- Why did she say/ask what she did? --She wanted to make sure you haven't forgotten her and are still her fallback if she needs an ego boost. What should you do? --Commit to NC and move on or stop playing games and admit that you want her back. PS You are not ready to be seeing other women 8 days after breaking off a 6 year relationship. It's not fair to the women you meet and you will only complicate your life and prolong the pain of the breakup. 1
RySant Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) Most important question: If you were NC, why did you answer the phone knowing it was her? If you had truly been NC, you wouldn't be torturing yourself trying to analyze everything she said. To answer your questions-- Why did she say/ask what she did? --She wanted to make sure you haven't forgotten her and are still her fallback if she needs an ego boost. What should you do? --Commit to NC and move on or stop playing games and admit that you want her back. PS You are not ready to be seeing other women 8 days after breaking off a 6 year relationship. It's not fair to the women you meet and you will only complicate your life and prolong the pain of the breakup. THIS! Break it off completely. Do you really want to be the second option? Clearly, you're not her first option Edited January 17, 2016 by RySant 1
sowhynot Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Couldn't agree with Survivor12 more. NC is NOT NC if she can call you. Block and move on - although possibly not quite so quickly - if she is that interested in getting back together, she'll make the effort to come round with The Complete 180. A phone call - aka a breadcrumb - takes virtually no effort at all and should have been blocked before it happened.
Author DoritoLover Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 PS You are not ready to be seeing other women 8 days after breaking off a 6 year relationship. It's not fair to the women you meet and you will only complicate your life and prolong the pain of the breakup. I'm not 'seeing' another woman, she just happened to start talking to me in a bar I was in with a friend of mine. Are you suggesting that I should not talk to any women at all while I'm going through the break up? That seems a little extreme to me. I had my first good night out since before Christmas, she enjoyed herself, I enjoyed myself, we chatted and it was totally platonic and we parted ways at the end of the evening with no promise of meeting again, where's the harm in that?
TaraMaiden2 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) .... This call had raised a few questions: You're right. The first one being - why did you break NC?? Why after the first night out when I enjoyed myself with another woman (nothing happened, just had fun hanging out at the gig with her), why would she call to ask about my night out? 1: She didn't know about your first night out. 2: Furthermore she wasn't entitled to know, had no business knowing and you had no obligation to tell her. Why did she ask about my studies? If she's not interested in me why would she care how my life is going? She's not interested. She just wants to believe you care enough about her to tell her. Because if you talk to her, then you've forgiven her, she can be your buddy, and everything's fine, she's off the guilt hook.... Why after 8 hard days of no contact would she call? Self-gratification, "I still got it, he still wants to talk to me, I still figure in his life." Wh would she bring up the snow, when she knows it's always something we romanticised about during our relationship? Clinging to a vestige of common ground in order to convince herself you're open to being put into the friend-zone. Weirdly feel better after talking to her, I think mainly because she called me and I have resisted breaking no contact many times in the last 8 days. Don't worry. This will pass. In a day or two you'll kick yourself fo having replied, and wish you hadn't.... Any thoughts on why she called, and any help with what you guys think my next move should be would be great! Never ask what they do. You can't get into their head-space with any degree of accuracy. But if you read the NC Guide - and I seriously recommend you do - you will see it's never what they do that counts - it's what YOU do. And you should never break NC. The question is, why did you? And what will you do if she calls again? Edited January 17, 2016 by TaraMaiden2
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