Miss Peach Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 I wondered about this with my BF as he is very traditional and even now insists on paying even though we are many months in. Usually with most men by this point in time we would be alternating paying. Here are some things I do: 1. Bring little things. I typically bring small servings of food my BF likes such as things from the farmers market, nuts that you can't find in the store, etc. 2. I bring dessert when we do out to dinner. I bring everything from home-baked cookies to things I pick up from bakeries. If I know he's making dinner sometimes I'll bring a drink we both like. 3. I picked up the bill when the check came in and he was in the restroom. This has backfired for me with some guys. Others have been thankful. 4. I get tickets to things I want to do anyway or from giveaways and invite the guy. 5. Cook him dinner from time to time.
brothers343 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 I would take her to dinner ofcourse. And then she would probably ask me what can she do to thank me for such a great date with such a great looking guy and I would answer I don't have sex on the first date but thankyou anyway.lol then I would take her sky diving. I like a greal thats not afraid to get dirty and I would take pleasure in seeing her sweat. 1
oregon0011 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 The point I was trying to make is to look our best. When we meet for dinner and I look classy and sexy he knows I have done this just for him. I usually find that women always try to look good when they go to work, go out with girlfriends etc. I don't think buying yourself clothes is "pay back" 3
oregon0011 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 This girl gets it! No man could answer this question any better than she did right here. Well done! Pretty much. This is why I kinda called her out on it. Lol. Unless they ONLY leave the house in jogging pants with no make up to go everywhere. Then use those specific clothes just for your date.
Woggle Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Just show some appreciation. That is all most men really want. 5
Milhouse20XX Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I wouldn't be 'paying' a man back for any of the above. If the OP wants to do something to show her appreciation, that's her privilege.
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 At the very least, I always say "thank you" if a man does something nice for me. I believe in reciprocating when the time is right and when it feels right. To me it should be because I want to do it as that is the most genuine. It's not like "paying back". I appreciate a man doing something nice for me but I accept it's on him and if a genuine gesture then he won't expect something in return. By that, I mean I try and be more spontaneous and not do good things because I feel I should or straight after he has done something for me but I feel particularly moved to do it at that moment in time. I prefer to wait for the right time. So maybe after a couple of dates, if he has paid for drinks before, I will say "how about I get you a drink this time?". That's just an example as I don't have anything against going dutch every so often. I will also try and show I care by remembering something he likes, getting him a little treat of something that he might like (like his favourite coffee). I usually put a lot of effort into planning things for us to do together (I am natural planner). I also really try to listen to him and focus all attention on him when we are together (I think this kind of thing gets taken for granted but not everyone can be attentive to others). Also I apologise as this might sound very stepford wife-y but I'd try and doll myself up and look my best when I see him. It makes me feel sexier and I think the guy gets a buzz out of it. I have never had a guy tell me off for dressing down mind you, but I experience different reactions from men depending on what I am wearing. We are all physical beings but it's nice to feel that someone is making more of an effort just for you.
thecrucible Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Just show some appreciation. That is all most men really want. Exactly. I've never been a nasty person but I can't express how much I took certain things for granted or at least didn't think about them as much as I do now. I have to say I'm a lot more demonstrative of my appreciation than I was previously. With a previous bf, he wasn't the best in the world but I now know neither was I. For instance I would get stressed out in the moment when things we did didn't go as planned but I didn't stop to think how much thought he had put into it and how that might have hurt his feelings to see my reaction. So now I think if things didn't go to plan or he did something with the best of intentions but it was not was I was expecting, I would just go along with it and laugh at the odd things that didn't go 100% right. 1
SmartDude Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 The way into a man's heart is through his penis. Im sorry but that is just the way it is. I know it is inconvnenient at times, but if you want the truth, there it is. You all can cook all you want. Cooked meals will not make a guy remember you. It is a quaint and nostalgic notion though.
oregon0011 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 The way into a man's heart is through his penis. Im sorry but that is just the way it is. I know it is inconvnenient at times, but if you want the truth, there it is. You all can cook all you want. Cooked meals will not make a guy remember you. It is a quaint and nostalgic notion though. I disagree. Sex is easy these days and gets old. But, you need a woman that enjoys cooking for you. Not some "one time" payback thing. It should be effortless. 1
IronZ Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 So sex for money? Glad I didn't post that. I'm pretty sure Smackie was being facetious
fitnessfan365 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 It's little things really. Here's a few examples : 1) Cute little texts - How much you miss him, are thinking about him, how tuned on you are thinking about his kiss, etc.. 2) Cooking/baking - It shows effort and thoughtfulness. Plus, I don't care how sexist this sounds. But it's appealing when women showcase a bit of an old fashioned domestic side. 3) Give him a really nice massage 1
chumble Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Wow, I didn't know women did any of this. When clicking the thread title I even read "payback" as the negative kind. Whatever you try, you can't lose I think.
sweet honeydew Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 The only time I think about "paying back" a man is when I don't want to date him anymore. Then I will try to pay the bill, give something, etc... If I am interested in a man, I got myself ready to be a good companion. Usually I would go to a spa and do facial, massages. Often I will take a nap. then I pick out a new outfit that I enjoy, then I take a shower, condition my hair really well, then I put on make up and style my hair according to my mood. And I make sure I am totally present without distraction. I would be easy going and easy with whatever might go wrong. I would want to help "us" to have a good time. The prep time and efforts is enormous but I enjoy it.
oregon0011 Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 The only time I think about "paying back" a man is when I don't want to date him anymore. Then I will try to pay the bill, give something, etc... If I am interested in a man, I got myself ready to be a good companion. Usually I would go to a spa and do facial, massages. Often I will take a nap. then I pick out a new outfit that I enjoy, then I take a shower, condition my hair really well, then I put on make up and style my hair according to my mood. And I make sure I am totally present without distraction. I would be easy going and easy with whatever might go wrong. I would want to help "us" to have a good time. The prep time and efforts is enormous but I enjoy it. Do other women really think like this? "My man is spending a ton of money on me. In order to show my appreciation I will go get MYSELF a massage". Lol 3
hasaquestion Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 (edited) Do other women really think like this? "My man is spending a ton of money on me. In order to show my appreciation I will go get MYSELF a massage". Lol My ex used to pay for drinks when we went out sometimes. I always paid for dinner, but often, when went for drinks after dinner, she'd just take out her wallet and say I got this. I mean if you broke down the money involved I probably paid for 80% of our dates together, or more. And since she was in grad school that was a fair distribution. But the way she did it was nice. Didn't make a show out of how independent she was for it, just did it. And since we never actually split anything it always felt like one person was treating the other. Dating new strangers makes me miss that. Edited January 19, 2016 by hasaquestion
sweet honeydew Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Do other women really think like this? "My man is spending a ton of money on me. In order to show my appreciation I will go get MYSELF a massage". Lol hahaha.....I don't know about other women. For me, I even had a date just driving around, walking, and a bottled water he brought. And that is just fine. But the man pays. Whatever he can afford, I am ok with it. A man should be ready to provide and protect before he pursues a woman. That's just my belief. In fact, there are men trying to "buy" me with luxurious gifts and that sort of feel bad. 1
BluEyeL Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 The title made me think of seeking revenge. The content was disappointing You pay them back by showing up for the next date. 1
SwordofFlame Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 The title made me think of seeking revenge. The content was disappointing You pay them back by showing up for the next date. Disagree. Maybe this only applies to online dating, but I've planned/paid for all dates up to the first 5-8 dates before only to have the woman effectively say sorry not interested anymore. That's why I now have a three date rule. We don't need to have sex necessarily by the third date, but the woman needs to reciprocate by then. 3
Shining One Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 You pay them back by showing up for the next date.I've dated a few women with this mindset. The best I end up offering them is FWB. 2
hasaquestion Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I've dated a few women with this mindset. The best I end up offering them is FWB. Yeah. I don't expect to be literally paid back in a real relationship, and I'll be glad to do the "man's work" and schedule the fun. But could never date someone who doesn't actively look for ways to be a giver in the relationship too. And that goes beyond just showing up. 3
BluEyeL Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 I've dated a few women with this mindset. The best I end up offering them is FWB. Your right to offer what you have, and it's on them if they are stupid enough to accept that . 1
BluEyeL Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 Seriously, back when I was dating online, I just offered to pay from the first date and usually men let me do it from date 3 upwards. Nobody let me pay at the first date and rarely at the second. I brought a picnic at one second date, and home cooked meals come in too, but at a much later time, when the two of you are already a couple. But that isn't of much concern in dating, a lot of other things are of much more importance. Look for character in your date and try to reciprocate in the same manner as he does for you, in every way, while also letting him feel like a man and court you properly, and if he's meant to be your partner, he will be. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 What would be other ways to show your appreciation? (other than getting more intimate, I'm not comfortable with it in the early stages...) LOL - that's the only true answer... and while you certainly need not "get more intimate" anytime soon, you should recognize, from centuries of evidence, that the many investments are done with long-term payoffs in mind.
Author contel3 Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 The title made me think of seeking revenge. The content was disappointing This just made me laugh 2
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