contel3 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Now I know the title of the thread looks a little weird. Let me elaborate. Early on in the dating phase, (some) men take you out to dinner, think about creative dates, open the door for you....and spend horrendous amounts of money on you. Usually I will think about little presents to surprise him, or come up with some special date ideas so it doesn't get too one sided. Some men are ok with it if I pay half the bill, some are not. What would be other ways to show your appreciation? (other than getting more intimate, I'm not comfortable with it in the early stages...)
soph-walker Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Now I know the title of the thread looks a little weird. Let me elaborate. Early on in the dating phase, (some) men take you out to dinner, think about creative dates, open the door for you....and spend horrendous amounts of money on you. Usually I will think about little presents to surprise him, or come up with some special date ideas so it doesn't get too one sided. Some men are ok with it if I pay half the bill, some are not. What would be other ways to show your appreciation? (other than getting more intimate, I'm not comfortable with it in the early stages...) I wouldn't be 'paying' a man back for any of the above. Reverse the roles..if it was a woman who had done the above for a man.. A simple thank you for dinner/your time/whatever else, would suffice. If I was interested in seeing a guy again, I would come up with my own suggestion for an interesting date or whatnot 2
Gaeta Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Usually men appreciate a home cooked meal. Something you've put efforts into. I don't buy them presents. I buy myself presents to keep them happy like new clothes, new hair, new nails. It seems to keep everyone happy :-) 8
MidwestUSA Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 There's nothing wrong with footing the entire bill for a date YOU'VE planned. I treated my BF (now husband) on date two. It certainly doesn't have to add up to tit for tat, and it doesn't have to be extravagant. Buy tickets to a concert, or sporting event. Cook a meal. Make cookies. 11
oldshirt Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 You should not allow yourself to be placed in a situation where you feel compelled to "pay back" the other person in the first place. 5
MidwestUSA Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 You should not allow yourself to be placed in a situation where you feel compelled to "pay back" the other person in the first place. I think the word reciprocate may have been a better choice. 10
Art_Critic Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Usually men appreciate a home cooked meal. I'm with Gaeta on this one, but doing this too soon also brings the guy into your home quicker than you might like... To me when dating moved into the homemade dinners it almost meant sex was on the horizon and possible if the cards were played right... I would think the thread starter should plan a date herself and take control over who pays... 3
Shining One Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 What would be other ways to show your appreciation?Here are some things women have done for me: Paid for alternating datesBaked me banana bread (one of my favorites)Cooked me dinnerPainted me a picture from a photo we took on a date (still hanging on my wall)Got me a huge discount on a cruise I was planning (she's a travel agent)Got me out of a speeding ticket I got on our date (she's an attorney)Be creative. Any sign of effort and generosity on your part would be appreciated. I wouldn't be 'paying' a man back for any of the above. Reverse the roles..if it was a woman who had done the above for a man.I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. A woman once paid for a first "date" with me. We had met at the bar randomly and she paid both our tabs. We had been there for hours. I "paid her back" by taking care of all expenses on our next date. 5
road Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 You should not allow yourself to be placed in a situation where you feel compelled to "pay back" the other person in the first place. When starting a relationship a real man does not pay for a date and expect anything more then getting her pleasant company. It is normal however to hope he may get a little lucky. Expect vs hope. A man that expects pay back should be dumped. 3
road Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I'm with Gaeta on this one, but doing this too soon also brings the guy into your home quicker than you might like... To me when dating moved into the homemade dinners it almost meant sex was on the horizon and possible if the cards were played right... I would think the thread starter should plan a date herself and take control over who pays... Though the baking and the cooking are done in the house does not mean they have to be eaten there. One word: Picnic. Also for me a woman does not have to reciprocate in the beginning. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I don't like the 'dutch' dinner thing and no man has ever even considered it when I've offered to pay my half, so it was never an issue. However, I've cooked elaborate meals as a way to reciprocate, and baked treats for them to take home along with the doggie bag from dinner which was their lunch or dinner the next day. They were always very appreciative and thrilled that I took the time to do it just for them. 5
TiestoCorsten Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Usually men appreciate a home cooked meal. Something you've put efforts into. I don't buy them presents. I buy myself presents to keep them happy like new clothes, new hair, new nails. It seems to keep everyone happy :-) this is good idea
preraph Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Not presents. Going back to the traditional way, you cook and have them over for dinner every now and then. It costs you just as much to buy a roast these days, maybe more, than it costs them to take you out for pasta, so that's all you need to do. Plus guys want to know you can cook and appreciate a home-cooked meal, as do we all. If you're drinkers, you can also buy the occasional round or bring a bottle.
stillafool Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 They usually appreciate a home cooked meal. That's the best way to pay them back or take them out to dinner. 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 that just made me realise that i have made all effort for guys. they do nothing for me
Gaeta Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 This is where you lost me. Buying yourself presents? This just makes you look selfish, IMO. . The point I was trying to make is to look our best. When we meet for dinner and I look classy and sexy he knows I have done this just for him.
Wewon Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Now I know the title of the thread looks a little weird. Let me elaborate. Early on in the dating phase, (some) men take you out to dinner, think about creative dates, open the door for you....and spend horrendous amounts of money on you. Usually I will think about little presents to surprise him, or come up with some special date ideas so it doesn't get too one sided. Some men are ok with it if I pay half the bill, some are not. What would be other ways to show your appreciation? (other than getting more intimate, I'm not comfortable with it in the early stages...) You have to remember, for men, dating is completely different that it is for women. When women accept a date, a lot explicitly expect to see the guy trying to impress her. They want to see an effort and know that effort tailored for them. Men simply want a women to be pleasant and enjoy his company. If you really are concerned with things getting one sided and want to show appreciation you don't have to do a lot for most men. Something as simply as buying the popcorn at a movie will be impressive. without also sending a message of disinterest via picking up the tab. Small token gifts could also go a long way, my wife got me a coffee mug with some funny cartoon on it once, may have set her back 10 bucks. 2
PrettyEmily77 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Any variety of cakes always work and yeah, home-cooked meals + thoughtful presents that would mean something to him are always winners. Non-financial little things could be: Sending smilies randomly at work. Asking for his advice on anything you know he's good at (but not too personal in the early days) then act on his advice and thank him for it.
SwordofFlame Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 If you're going to invite him over and cook him dinner, I would think sex would follow shortly after. I agree with the suggestions of initiating and paying for dates and little gifts. This thread is a breath of fresh air. I now refuse to date women who don't reciprocate after three dates at the maximum. I have felt led on and used before. 1
preraph Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 If you're going to invite him over and cook him dinner, I would think sex would follow shortly after. I agree with the suggestions of initiating and paying for dates and little gifts. This thread is a breath of fresh air. I now refuse to date women who don't reciprocate after three dates at the maximum. I have felt led on and used before. I understand the sentiment, but three dates is too soon to get mad about it. You have to realize some women get to know a man long enough to feel safe enough to bring them into their home, and that varies by the woman and her experiences. Cooking dinner for a man is a milestone of sorts, not the sort of thing I would do within the first few dates. And part of that IS because they're at your house and they know sex is probably also on the menu.
IronZ Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 When you think of it in terms of "paying back" then it sounds like a business transaction. It shouldn't be. My lady and I have been dating for over a month now and early on I paid for every date even though she tried to foot some of the bill (I wouldn't let her). Finally last weekend I took her out to dinner and she insisted on paying. I felt we were at a comfortable stage in our relationship so I let her have that one so the balance didn't become too one sided as you noted. On our last date I paid again even though she initially tried to. I think when you get to a certain level in the relationship it's not really a big deal and you could pay once in a while without it being weird. I don't think intimacy is ever a good way to "repay" because the guy taking you out isn't trying to buy intimacy. They're trying to get to know you. Also I like your idea of little gifts and other small ways of showing them you appreciate everything. Kind of like how a guy might buy a lady flowers every once in a while. Little things go a long way.
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 #1 A steak and a BJ hands down. or #2 putting on some lingerie, etc. #3Wash and wax his car....#4 buy him a nice bottle of whiskey or cigars, #5 tickets to a game. 2
oregon0011 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Usually men appreciate a home cooked meal. Something you've put efforts into. I don't buy them presents. I buy myself presents to keep them happy like new clothes, new hair, new nails. It seems to keep everyone happy :-) I notice this got a lot of likes. What about feminism and paying half?
oregon0011 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 #1 A steak and a BJ hands down. or #2 putting on some lingerie, etc. #3Wash and wax his car....#4 buy him a nice bottle of whiskey or cigars, #5 tickets to a game. So sex for money? Glad I didn't post that.
hasaquestion Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 #1 A steak and a BJ hands down. or #2 putting on some lingerie, etc. #3Wash and wax his car....#4 buy him a nice bottle of whiskey or cigars, #5 tickets to a game. Being a catch 101 right here
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