crazythoughts Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I've been going back and forth in my head trying to make sense of my situation. I live in Singapore and I recently met a man about three months back. We went on 6 dates. He was amazing and we have great chemistry. Towards the last few dates, I realised he was set to move to Brazil for work. On our last date, we talked about visiting / traveling together. In a few weeks, I am scheduled to be in Mexico for a wedding and he suggested we try to meet then. I also have to travel to aus on work. He happens to be in nz then so we decided to try to meet then as well. I know that he has even applied for a visa to be in Australia on those dates. So coming to my trip to mexico. We were trying to figure out wherr to meet. Given my travels and busy schedule, he invited me to visit him and stay both weekends on my way in and out of the continent. He even helped me figure out my travel and discussed what I would like to do. He mentioned he lives with a friend and asked if I would be comfortable and that he could arrange for a hotel if I'd like that better. He called me long distance to make plans. In a nutshell, he was a complete gentleman. I booked my tickets and sent him the details as he had asked me to. While he acknowledged it, I didn't hear from him for two whole days. One of us generally initiates texts (he initiates a bit more than me but its balanced)...and in the past as well, he does goes mia for a day or two so its not new. But just that the last time we texted, it was intense and we chatted for almost three hours thru the day even though not continuously. I waited until yesterday and eventually texted him asking what he was up to. He replied sweetly but didn't seem super chatty, so I left it at that. Now we have this big plan of spending half a week together in a few weeks and I'm wondering why I'm not hearing from him enough. Do u think its bcos he feels like we have a plan and he will be seeing me soon or is it something else? It would be awkward now to be on this trip if he has changed his mind....pls help me out. I really like this guy. I'm not sure what I should do...
Author crazythoughts Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 Can I get some help pls ?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Where are you staying when you visit him? With him, or did you book into a hotel? Also, I'm a bit confused on the details. You're going to Mexico, but stopping in Brazil first? I think if he's known to go a couple days without contact then it's not really a big deal if he's doing so again. I wouldn't stress. You say you're not hearing from him "enough" - what qualifies as enough? Did you expect more consistent contact now that you have a plan to see each other? I'm not sure where you distress is coming from. I think the important thing here is not to put a lot of expectations on this. Yes, it will be fun to visit each other again. But you live on opposite sides of the world. It's not overly convenient to be anything more than friends, especially if you didn't know each other all that well before he left. You mentioned you're worried he's changed his mind...about what, exactly?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Long story short? He enjoys your company but isn't taking things very serious because you live so far from one another. If I were you I would enjoy his company but not get too invested.
Author crazythoughts Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 He has offered that I stay with him. Its true that we didn't know each other all that well, but we both confessed that we haven't felt like this about anyone in a long time. We said we would try to see each other over these trips and see where it goes. He said there is a lot of uncertainty, but he likes me a lot...we should see each other over the course of months and then leave it to destiny. Is it terrible to consider long distance? I'm just surprised he has gone cold on texts
ExpatInItaly Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 He has offered that I stay with him. Its true that we didn't know each other all that well, but we both confessed that we haven't felt like this about anyone in a long time. We said we would try to see each other over these trips and see where it goes. He said there is a lot of uncertainty, but he likes me a lot...we should see each other over the course of months and then leave it to destiny. Is it terrible to consider long distance? I'm just surprised he has gone cold on texts It's not terrible but it's not very realistic in this case either. Long-distance is very hard, and you two don't have a solid relationship foundation to sustain it. That's not to say it is impossible but judging from his actions right now, I'd say he's looking at this more casually than you are. If he has offered that you stay with him, get his local address so you know where you're going to be. Is he meant to pick you up at the airport? Also, not to totally rain on your parade, I would get the details for hotels or accommodation in his city anyway so that if something falls through, you're not stranded. Mexico and Brazil aren't exactly close to each other; you need to have a back-up plan.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 He has offered that I stay with him. Its true that we didn't know each other all that well, but we both confessed that we haven't felt like this about anyone in a long time. We said we would try to see each other over these trips and see where it goes. He said there is a lot of uncertainty, but he likes me a lot...we should see each other over the course of months and then leave it to destiny. Is it terrible to consider long distance? I'm just surprised he has gone cold on texts It just doesn't work. If it were a few hours apart sure, but when you are talking oceans I have in my own experience as well as many of my friends' never seen it work out. Eventually texting, skyping, and phone calls just aren't enough and it ends up feeling like you put your life on hold for someone who can't be there for you physically. It's a really bad feeling...
dsj Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 You also have to consider time zones. While he was trying to make plans he was probably a bit more willing to stay up late or get up early to communicate. Now, he may be busy with work and can't do that all the time. Take it for what it is and don't expect a meaningful relationship with so much distance between you.
Author crazythoughts Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Thanks. I know these are all legitimate concerns, but I'm in my 30s and he is his 40s. At this stage in our lives, it feels like working towards a connection this strong may be worth it. It is a risk I taking and maybe it will blow up in my face..I don't know. He did respond to me yesterday confirming the plan. We have 3 vacations planned as of now...and we will see what is destined for us after..
Qboro90 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Thanks. I know these are all legitimate concerns, but I'm in my 30s and he is his 40s. At this stage in our lives, it feels like working towards a connection this strong may be worth it. It is a risk I taking and maybe it will blow up in my face..I don't know. He did respond to me yesterday confirming the plan. We have 3 vacations planned as of now...and we will see what is destined for us after.. If he is living in another country then where do you think this can lead? Would you relocate and move to wherever he lives down the line? You shouldn't have to think about that kind of stuff after 6 dates. It puts too much pressure on the time you spend together because you both know that the distance is looming over your heads. Why don't you do 1 vacation at a time and see how that goes before lining up the next 2? You're getting very invested very early on and that never bodes well. 6 dates ... You don't even know each other well yet. I'm sure there's a connection... But you still won't know everything about one another after 6 months. So see how this trip goes... Don't think further than that.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 If he is living in another country then where do you think this can lead? Would you relocate and move to wherever he lives down the line? You shouldn't have to think about that kind of stuff after 6 dates. It puts too much pressure on the time you spend together because you both know that the distance is looming over your heads. Why don't you do 1 vacation at a time and see how that goes before lining up the next 2? You're getting very invested very early on and that never bodes well. 6 dates ... You don't even know each other well yet. I'm sure there's a connection... But you still won't know everything about one another after 6 months. So see how this trip goes... Don't think further than that. I was about to post the same thing. See how this one goes. Then make more concrete plans for future trips. So much can change between now and then it's better to err on the side of caution. You might get to his place and find out you don't love what you see. One or both of you could meet someone local who catches your interest. Take it one vacation at a time. And OP, for what it's worth, I'm also in my 30s but this doesn't change my perspective - don't invest too much too early. Regardless of age, you're still dealing with enormous challenges as a result of the distance. And you don't know each other all that well. This makes the whole situation more complicated and it's even more pertinent to stay grounded. Have a back-up plan in place when you visit him. You probably won't need to use it, but it's only smart to have a Plan B in case something falls through.
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